Why am I such a failure and why do I screw everything up?

[sadandexhausted]

I am so tired of giving my all only to make those critical mistakes that mean it was all for nothing. I screw up in everythinhpg I do and was mobbed out of my last job by colleagues who screamed and scolded daily, telling me what an incompetent person I am. After that I got fired and have been looking for work but couldn't find many positins. But I found the perfect position today, my dream job, the first one I have seen like this in almost a whole year. deadline today. For the first time, I felt hapot be ause Zi know I can do this job really well. So I spent the whole day preparing. But then something horribble happened... I lost my file at the last minute due to some technical error...it just vanished....had to rewrite it all from memory in five minutes before the deadline. Got it in a minute before. But after sending, I saw to my horror two major typos that will immediately disqualify me (it's an editing job), rendering my efforts worthless and deflating all my hopes. It feels like the gods are against me. why didmy computer have to sawllow this file, exactly now? I am so stupid. What is wrong with me? This exact same thing hapoened last week with the second best job offer i have seen to date, which totally crushed me. What kind of idiot makes the same mistake twice? I just feel worhtless and stupid. I will never be abke to do anything right, no matter how hard I try. It is hopeless. I am trying my hardest and still keep falling on my face, over and iver,. at things everyone else can do just fine. I hate myself, my life, everything. there is no point anymore, it's already over and I already missed the boat. In ten years i am supposed to retire but i don't have any savings or even a job. I just want to lie down and die. seeing a therapist but it doesn't really help.

[Goldfish_]

But perhaps this could be seen as a learning exercise to save documents and leave plenty of time for important job applications. And then perhaps there is an even better job just around the corner. Think positive

Good luck

[sadandexhausted in reply to Goldfish_]

Thanks for your reply. The reason I am so depressed is because I DO leave plenty of time for important applications, put off my entire life while working in them (usually not for hours but days), give my all, pace myself, and still manage to scew up at the last minute. If I weren't trying so hard at least I would have the satisfaction of knowing that I failed out of laziness. But I try really, really hard and still fail at everything. I am an educated person with 2 degrees and still cannot do basic tasks successfully. I feel to myself like a hopeless case. My partner is super organized and constantly tells me to do this or that, things I already do or try to. 😕

[LoriMS61]

Hi,

Welcome to the community. I'm sorry that this has happened to you. I can feel how quickly you typed out your response, you need to slow down and take a breath.

The more stressed you are, the more mistakes you'll make. You need to allot an hour a day to job hunting, have a CV ready to go and sign up for job alerts that meet your criteria.

Other than that, you need to take some time to look after yourself. Why isn't the therapy working? Are you invested in it?

I get the sense that you need to focus on calming down. Your anxiety is palpable. Check out mindfulness videos on YouTube.

Lori

[sadandexhausted in reply to LoriMS61]

Thank you, Lori, for your kind words. You are right...my anxiety levels are theough the roof. After being mobbed I fell into a major depression mixed on and off with extreme anxiety. Hearing from a nother person that she can sense this even when I write is sobering. I do need to slow down. I think maybe my stress is causing me to hyperfocus, blocking my ability to detect errors. Your words give me something to think about.,,as for therapy, we just takk endlessly about my feelings but it only provides temporary relief from the pain of being me. I need a plan and have tried mindfulness but without much effort. I think I needto tske that more seriously. Thank you again for taking the time to respond.

[KrissyK]

You're a child of God with divine potential. Stop the negative self talk and talk to yourself the way you would talk to someone you love and admire. Take a moment to give yourself some positive affirmations (you can find some ideas on how to do this on YouTube). Slow down, take a deep breath, and then do some serious planning and preparation for the next great opportunity that comes along. I'm sure one will....when one door closes another will open. Best of luck! You can do this!!!

[sadandexhausted in reply to KrissyK]

Thank you, Krissy, for offering hope (which feels so hopeless right now) I will try what you say. It is nice to hear such kind words.

[lozza38]

If it helps I am going through work issues too

[imatotal_screwup]

Dont worry. im a total screw up as well. i only came here just to make sure im not the only one in the world who somehow screws it all up.