A reason to live.

[Humphrey42]

What is there a reason to live? Hope is important. I have no meaning. No children, no partner, failed partners, totally undervalued at work, totally irrelevant. Alone for the last 20years it will continue. I am trying to be rational, objective. I am articulate, bright.

[Gambit62]

I don't have any real answer but just want you to know that I saw your post and recognise your pain.

It is very easy to feel alone today when everyone lives such compartmentalised lives and there is so little interaction with people outside of your normal routine.

In terms of meaning I think we all make and find our own meanings, but it is very easy to fall into the trap of defining meaning either by things or by relationships.

Do you have any hobbies or interests that you could join a group and may be get some social contact that way. Have you tried meditation?

I seem to remember from your other posts that you have had some problems with alcohol in the past? Are you still struggling with that?

[wallflower_fairy]

Hi Humphrey,

Sorry you're feeling so low at the moment. We all have these moments were we question a reason to live. I know I do.

You sound like an intelligent person from what I read, and I think it's great that you've acknowledged these strengths. There's probably so much potential, so much worth living for. What do you want to do and is it achievable, or is something in virtue of want you want to do possible?

What about friendships? Maybe you could arrange to do something with someone you get on with from work you to give yourself something to look forward to? You could make it a weekly routine. Or maybe there's a friend you haven't spoken to in a while, you could always pick up the phone and ask how they're getting on.

Regarding relationships, have you tried, or would you consider trying, a dating site? Many lonely hearts who have trouble meeting the right person find their life partner this way.

These a just a few of my thoughts.

I'm going to turn in as I'm feeling really tired now.

Goodnight,

wanderingwallflower xx

[Suzie40]

It'll continue if you let it, certainly. We make our own happiness if this world and only we can determine how our future pans out. You'll only be alone if you allow yourself to be. For every lonely person in this world, there's an equally lonely person out there somewhere, desperate to make friends. You just have to get out there and find them. Easier said that done when you're depressed I appreciate, but don't give up trying x

[Hidden]

Hi Humphrey

I've been where you are. Like me you are faced with 3 choices.

1) Change things.

2) Learn to live with how things are.

3) End things.

Option 1 is the best, most difficult to do but most rewarding and chances are the one you want to select.

Option 2 is a backup plan. Although by learning to do this you will automatically start to do option one.

Option 3 is final. It's not much of an option but it is still an option.

If you select option 3 then you can't try any of the others. You'll never know if you'll have been able to do option 1 or 2. So this option is best left alone. Options 1 & 2 both start in simple ways. Talk to someone. You've already accomplished that by posting on here today. Well done! The next step is to make an appointment with your GP and to talk to them. They may try you on medication to see how that goes. The meds will take a little while to kick in, a few weeks perhaps, and it maybe a little trial & error to see which ones work best for you. Alternatively, or in conjunction with, you could try therapy. I found CBT to be very helpful for me. Again there may be a little trial & error in finding the therapist that suits you. But once you have the right meds and/or therapist then these can be of great help in either changing things or learning to live with things.

Remember that's it's best to try options 1 and 2, multiple times even, before resorting to option 3.

Now you have found your way to this forum you should know that you are not alone, not irrelevant & not undervalued.

James

[Hidden]

To me, you sound very low down in yourself and your self esteem. It seems that you have gone through quite a lot and it has accumulated over the years to make you feel like this. Unfortunately, I don't have any real answers, as I am currently experiencing a rollercoster of low feelings and question why self worth and reason myself.

It sounds like you are in great pain, and yet you want to find some sort of place/meaning in your life. I think that it is a great step that you've come on here and posted this. It shows a lot of strength and the fact that you are able to recognise some of the issues (even if you don't see them for yourself) is another positive step as there are many people who deal with depression who have no idea what's going on but they just feel very low. It is probably a little hard to see right now but there is a lot of reason to live. I don't know how old you are or any of your other personal circumstances but its never too late to go out into the world and experience all that it has to offer -- which again, I realise that it is very hard to acknowledge this right now as I have been in this type of position in the last few weeks.

Would it help to join clubs of activities that interest you or ones that you have never tried before? Before I came to uni, I was very isolated. Since joining uni, I've started activities that I would not have considered (like badminton and darts...even though I am not very good at the latter) but it helped me from feeling isolated.

I am sorry that you are feeling like this. Don't give up in trying. =)

[Hidden]

How about turning it round? Instead of asking is there a reason to live try asking yourself if there is a reason not to live? Is there? I am on my own too, no partner and no kids and I too struggle to find a meaning in life. At least you have a job, I don't. I don't think life has a meaning or has to - it just is. And what else is there? I remember seeing a postcard once with a very sad man looking at God and saying 'No I don't want life. Have you got anything else'? Made me laugh. x

[Hidden]

You know, you could always find the reason to live by adopting a pet. I was in a really bad place in my teens and I was only saved from ending it all when we adopted a kitten. I had a purpose. A meaning for my life. Maybe getting a pet would help you?

[CarolineLondon]

Umm can I put something out there, Im guessing from your name you're 42 years of age? So well could it be your particular meaning hasn't turned up yet?

In the business world there are plenty of people who didn't achieve recoginsed success until they were much older than you! (you can find them all on the internet).

If its marriage and partners there are plenty of people on the net with stories about not meeting their true loves until they were maybe twice your age?

I think the media has ALOT to answer for, magazines, radio, telly everywhere you're made to feel a failure if you don't have 2.4 kids the perfect marriage the latest car...etc. Its all rubbish!!!

Thing is Humphrey you already make a difference, but to you they seem small differences but they arent, if only we could see the bigger picture. I don't know you well enough to know, but as an illustration, you may well have been kind to someone dying of shyness inside in a social situation, you might have made them feel better about themselves. You may have been in the right place at the right time and saved someones life without knowing, maybe your car was the car that stood in the way of a cyclist getting knocked over or killed. Look I don't know, but perhaps you could find some inspirational films, that show there is magic in the world, things do happen and we don't know how or why.

Maybe don't look for answers but look for love and what the world gives you like beautiful summer days for nothing!

You are soooo valuable, we all our, there would be NO human race without each and everyone of us. Who knows what you could do in the future. I know things are bad, things arent great for me, but Im trying to make changes and not be hard on myself when I fuck up....which is regularly.

Change something, paint your home, change your toilet seat, by a new gadget, boys love gadgets. You know sometimes if you just ready your home for your new love, she turns up. Tell me honestly if your soulmate turned up now would she find two pillows on each side of your bed one for her, would there be room in your wardrobe for her clothes, do you have enough cups and plates.....

My little nephew threw a penny in a pond and was told to make a wish, of course he wished for a toy for almost the next hour he asked why hadn't his toy appeared he'd wished for it!? He's three! We are impatient, me more than most, prepare, be patient and someone or something will come into your life and you wont even need a meaning. Have faith, it costs nothing to spend your 'waiting time' dreaming and being positive. You could spend the same time merely being miserable, the time will pass either way.

Im not trying to trivialise how you feel, just trying to help. You can do this, you're a power house of ideas and resourcefulness. And if you hate your job, well its easier to get a job with a job, whose going to know if you start having a little look around or a think about what you'd love to do.

I want you to be happy, it is important. X

[Stilltrying_ in reply to CarolineLondon]

Humphey I have noticed you go through a pattern with these thoughts and I'm just wondering how you feel now? Was it just a big low last night and today you feel a little better? When you are feeling better can you see if you are progressing just in little ways, as I think that is the thing to watch out for and to work at but it will be finding the right thing that works for you as we are all different.

I am 56, I have no partner, no job, never had a career, never had the children I would have loved. Last year I was suicidally depressed; if you were to look back at my posts these were the things I was most complaining about and I felt desperate. A few months on at the moment my circumstances have not changed but my head has (for now?) and I just don't feel as depressed as I did. It has taken guts and hard work and really entering into my therapy which is compassion focussed therapy. To be honest that seems to be the thing that has moved me on the most but it has been a mixture of things including (very much) coming on this site and making connections with people on here.

Do you feel you are getting the help you need to move forward and if not what would that be? How can you start small with the things that you want and be persistent and long term about achieving them? In the end you may find it is not these things you want but first and foremost to be happy in yourself. I feel I am moving in that direction and it just doesn't bother me too much that I don't have any of those things though I am still sad about much of it.

I just wanted to say to CarolineLondon also that once again I find your answers truly inspirational Caroline. We should all have some of you on tap every day and the world would be a better place. So glad you found your way here.

Gemmalouise x

[CarolineLondon in reply to Stilltrying_]

WOW Gemmalouise thats so kind if you knew what a monumental mess my life is right now, I don't know as you'd find me such and inspiration....lol.

You know how it is ALL I see is others potential, however I struggle to find my own.

Here's irony for you, one evening I was in Leicester Square and I saw a homeless man, maybe in his early 30's I stopped for a chat, asked him how he got here, how was he, what was happening etc. He explained he used to be a carer but the money wasn't enough and so he ended up on the street, there may also have been a drinking issue.

I asked him if money were no object what job would he do? Heart warmingly he answered, he'd be a carer that he had loved his last job. We talked a while, of course I gave him some cash and food and went on my way.

Consequently my thoughts on my way home were....that man has huge potential and I have none. I played it out in my mind, how the homeless get help and how he could probably get free training etc. As a result live where he liked even move out of London etc. The only way left for him was UP! So even though I have a roof and food and clothes and no drinking problem, I feel less able to have a successful future than the homeless man (....doesnt stop me trying though).

So I personally am somewhat of a mess.

But truly all I see is others potential, my I replies in these forums are from the heart not some get up and go rubbish I don't believe and I wanted to share that with you by way of a reply.

It's a huge compliment to me that you might even entertain some of my ideas, thank you very much. XX

One day even I might make it and one thing is for sure if I EVER crack the code, boy will I be singing like a canary then...lol ( I know that isn't quite the right phrase :-). I will tell anyone and everyone who will listen how it worked for me in the hope it will work for them! I wouldn't hold your breath though Gemma, I have a loooong way to go.

XXX

Now where can get a yellow canary...lol.

[CarolineLondon in reply to Stilltrying_]

Sorry to go on after my last loooong reply, but can I just say if you ,Gemma, have no partner, no job, no children, have never had a career and you've lasted up to 56, you must be a very interesting person.

No I mean it really, your diversity makes you interesting.

Who has ever known truely great poetry to come from some terminally happy person? Well apart from Pam Ayres but she doesnt count..lol.

Have you ever thought of writing a book? I'd find it an interesting read for sure. Im not saying you have to suffer to be interesting but it certainly doesn't hurt creativity. Hope you don't mind me asking.

X

[Stilltrying_ in reply to CarolineLondon]

Quite a few wasted years CarolineLondon but I am getting much stronger so I guess you could call that interesting I've been looking into Compassion Focussed Therapy eg Paul Gilbert and I think it could benefit you as you obviously have a lot of positivity for others like myself but possibly find that hard to apply to yourself or to love yourself and this therapy actually gives you exercises like visualisations to build up a sense of security and kindness towards yourself. It's helped me anyway X

[CarolineLondon in reply to Stilltrying_]

Oh thanks I'll check that out.

I know I'm a pain but can I say something about so called 'wasted years', when I was young I was forever trying to escape my life as a young teen maybe 12/14 when, I could I would watch films as many as I could get my hands on. Mostly technicolour, now Im showing my age. I loved musicals, westerns you name it and I used to read anything I could get my hands on. Years later I went to Art School, sounds lovely but actually it wasn't and because of my dyslexia I really suffered we had to write just as many essays as everyone else , plus my course was run by an old school tyrant, a really evil woman. Anyway I had absorbed the colour in the films, the books had fed my imagination and creativity and I poured that into my designs. Okay so Im not successful designer now, but there is still time, Im not dead yet. An onlooker could have seen those times as wasted hours, I didn't know what I was doing or how that knowledge would manifest later in life.

I cant tell you why yours weren't wasted years but they weren't, you will call on those experiences and maybe to help others. I wouldn't wish it for you that you were so unhappy but the past doesn't have to be the future.

I really appreciate your kindness toward me, I need an internet cuddle from time to time

My opinion of myself comes from years of sustained abuse when I was young, it took a long time to damage me and it may take sometime to fix thats how I like to see it.

I'd like to share with you something I am proud of, I was raised in a violent household. My mother was bitter and sometimes yes evil, violence begets violence so later when I left home at 17 sometimes I was violent, in my violent relationships. Im proud to say years on, violence is no longer a part of my life and I do not struggle with it. I worked hard to rid myself of that monkey on my back and now I don't even entertain the idea, I have no thought of it, even when Im very angry.

Andrew Marr on Start the Week, radio 4 was talking about the brains plasticity and saying the brain is ever growing, ever changing, making new neurological connections, that must mean hope for us all

Thank you again X

[FallenAngel]

I feel very similar to you . no family no friends failed at most things I have attempted . life is such a struggle , day to day is all you can do , I wish you well xxx

[justbreath]

The reason to live. For everything there is a purpose, live everyday as if it is your last, you have lived for sometime, do not quite and never give up, you know who you are, everything happened for a reason, i cannot say what, but remember, fath is the substance of things hoped for the evidence of things not seen.

Please do not give up, you are in my heart and thoughts.

Me