A reason to live.

[Humphrey42]

Me. I'm reasonably bright, I have an IQ of 114. I'm well educated. I took an access course towards a degree. I read History. I'm 46. The past, the present, the future. Dying. Before I was 36 the thought of dying never entered my head. I go into town during my lunch I think about putting myself in front of the bus. car. Why. Medication GP- so so poor, don't see same GP twice.. follow up structure for a positive outcome. Counselling is a joke. No structure, no real positive outcome. Me 46. facts, past present, future my mum will be dead in the next 10-15 years. I have no partner, no children, my sisters have no children. We are a dying, dead family. Look at the evidence. I go on holiday, for a 4 days. I look around people have family. friends, they are connected. This is soul destroying. I could take it for a while but this has gone for years too many years. Too be alone.

[Anna2008]

46 is young! Time enough for you to meet a partner, have children and have a future...do not give up!

Anna

[Anna2008]

It is about proactively seeking what you want from life and not depending on others to fix it for you

[Anna2008]

Be determined! You could well live another 46 years...

[Olderal in reply to Anna2008]

Almost bound to. The way things are going at 46 + 46. 92 ; that could be the age at which one is entitled to a pension. It keeps going up. You could imagine by 2030 life could read:-

Age 0 Born

Age 35 leave full time education and start work

Age 40 leave home (parents move while you're working and don't tell you new address)

Age 45 Marry

Age 50 First child born

Age 60 divorced

Age 75 Take up free fall parachute jumping

Age 80 Your children leave home (you call police to evict them )

Age 85 give up on hopes of being selected for national football team

Age 90 First grandchild born

Age 91 parents make contact again (only because they both have dementia )

Age 92 can afford deposit on first house (one room hovel )

Age 94 Finish paying off university loan

Age 95 Retire and eligible for pension

Age 130 Deceased ( The lucky ones )

Sometimes I'm glad I'm an oldie already.

Olderal

[Anna2008]

It is up to you to fill that time with joy and hope

[Hidden]

Hi

I think that you are low and trying to see things as black and white. Life's not like that though.

You're not too old to meet someone or have children,neither of your own or adopt. There are thousands of children out there who need someone to care about them, love them and guide them. Many people now adopt as a single person.

Have you hobbies? Could you join a group that might interest you, so you could meet someone like minded?

Or there's always online dating, which I know can be successful.

Please don't give up,mas life is not black and white but full of lots of colours and opportunities, you just need to see it.

Take care and best wishes.

[Hidden]

I get it Humphrey. I am 62 and in the same position. Most times I just get on with life but from to time to time I am overwhelmed with sadness and envy of all those with families. I have 3 sisters and only has a son grown up now. My sister has 2 stepchildren and 2 great step children, but I very rarely see them as she doesn't want me.

This is worse in a way but I have had to accept it. I look at families together and feel so alone and unwanted. I wonder what is wrong with me and feel so worthless and useless. x

[Lizbett in reply to Hidden]

There is NOTHING wrong with you Bev.

You most certainly are NOT worthless OR useless. That's depression talking. Based on what I've seen from you, you're bright, articulate, have heart AND soul. You also have a caring nature. I think you're terrific, I really do 👍✌🌹🌼🌸🌻🙋

[Hidden in reply to Lizbett]

Thank you Lizbet. I understand what you are saying and appreciate it very much. Whether that's true or not the most important thing in this society (especially for a woman) is to have kids, and a womans value is largely based on this. That's how I feel.

I would get much more societal kudos though if I had a family. All my friends do and much of their time is spent with theirs, leaving me feeling like a failure.

Thanks anyway for your kind remarks. Bev x

[Lizbett in reply to Hidden]

I understand where you're coming from Bev. First thing I'm always asked is do I have children. When I say no, people look at me like my head's done a 360 degree spin like Linda Blair's did ... 😤

Just please, always remember who you are deep inside ... that to me is where the true value of a person is.

Elizabeth x

[Hidden in reply to Lizbett]

Thank you again Elizabeth. Unfortunately too many people don't think like you. Bev x

[MattBuckland]

Hi Humphrey

I am so sorry that you are feeling like this. I think having read your post and thought on it (read it last night) , it may be one of my underlying anxieties.

I am 34 (35 very soon) have my Mum 65 and my Dad 70. I have a cousin and uncle who have many issues and I don't see them. That is my entire family and like you it feels like it is dying and that I soon will be on my own. Over the last five weeks I have gone from an independent person to someone who has been on the phone to my Mum four or five times a day. My mum and dad are in London 400 odd miles away. So my thoughts have been, what happens if I have a breakdown when I am 50?, my mum may not be there or may be ill I her self and not capable of coming up to Scotland to help me like she did this time.

I live alone and have had one sexual relationship in my life which was about ten years ago now and have one good friend. I can't imagine ever being with someone again, partly as I wouldn't want them to have to deal with my illness, it just doesn't seem fair, and the same for children.

I am sorry for this out pouring, I didn't know it was going to happen when I started posting. I guess one thing is that you are not alone in feeling this way and age does not seem to matter as both coughalot and me are 10 years either side of you. I do not know what your relationship is like with your sisters, but if it is okay then that sounds like something to be cherished , I hate being an only child, my mum and dad tried for more but we're not successful. So that leaves friendships, not the same as family but the only other option. This is something that I have started to work on and at the moment wonder if I will be strong enough to do.

Please try to meet people, as hard as it is it, like me it seems like you need to increase your support network. I really hope that we can both do this as the return or persistent suicidal thoughts is no way to live.

Wishing you well, Matt

[sweetiepye]

I think loneliness has more to do with your make up than with your circumstances. I can be as lonely as it gets even with friends or family. Most of the time I acknowledge it and someone will ask what I'm sad about and I never really have an answer. I remember feeling like this as a kid. I wonder if it's about fitting in? I don't feel that I do and I've been told hundreds of times that I'm different. I'm really not, I eat, sleep, work just like every one else but I do think differently, have a different attitude. Yet I suffer, vent, live a usual life. I have noticed that I don't mind being alone and I'm never bored ,but I'm happy with people too. The one thing that changes every thing is if I'm in pain. Then I don't want anyone, I don't even want me. Pam

[darkshadow]

There is so much suffering in those last two posts that I am very sad for you both. I don't know enough about any medication or counselling you may be having to offer any worthwhile solutions. I wish I could. All I know is that---hard as it will be---only you can take the first steps to improve the quality of your lives. I realise why you would think that family is all that really matters but, believe me, it does not always form a solution to loneliness or a feeling of isolation. My brother and sister-in-law have 3 grown up kids, 8 grandkids and 3 great grandkids. I have 2 sons in their 40's neither of whom is married. I have no grandkids. When I go to my brother's house, dozens of photos are produced of all their progeny. I do then feel

isolated and different. I've actually come to prefer to stay at home on my own--my hubby died 10 years ago.

What I'm trying to say is that a person can feel lonely and isolated even in a crowd. You need to have things in common to feel at one with others. Friendships do not happen overnight. They take time to develop and that's the hard part, the part where you must put in the effort yourself if you are to reap the rewards . Find some activity that you think you could be interested in--even if it's only eg walking, cycling etc-- and I think you will find friends.

I really hope you do. Myra.

[Stilltrying_]

What I feel you need is a new relationship in your life. Maybe you are an introvert but I think the time is right now for you to take that chance; if you've had a nice friendly exchange with a nice lady why not take it one step further and ask her for a coffee? Sometimes we just need to take action to relieve our loneliness.

Wishing you loads of luck and love. Gemma xxx

[Humphrey42]

Thank you for the replies. It is appreciated. The more I think about it, it is having a sense of value, purpose and meaning. You do have to take some ownership for your own good mental health. I do spend too much time on my own, not being connected. A number of things can have a positive and negative effect on us. It's trying however small to increase the the positives and minimise the negatives. Anyway have a good evening.