I'm a fairly, bright, intelligent, articulate man. But seriously there is no reason for my continued existence.
Why? Family, it's a dying family. My mother is 76, my sister is 46 no children, my other sister 47 no children, limited contact. Pretty limited chance of a re birth, for the last twenty years all I've experienced is death and no hope. Grandparents dying, parents being, will do die. Where is the hope? Watched grandparents die be buried,, my father died 5 years ago mother is going to die in the next 10-15 years.
What is the point of my existence? Family, Holidays that have been alone for 20 years. do you know what is like to spend 10 hours on your own, point of contact is your breakfast server 10- bedtime totally without talk, discussion for so may years.
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Humphrey42
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Humphrey I just wanted to know I've read your post. I'm sorry you feel this way. I've experienced being on own in my room at uni for that length of time and only for days at a time before it's broken again and I hate just that. So yes, I can imagine it must be really horrible for you. My Granddad was recently widowed and he's desperately lonely, you can tell, so we're taking him in. We're social creatures and we need to be around people so it's not surprising you feel so the way you do. People are isolated as a means of torture.
I know you say you have limited contact with your sisters but is there no way you would consider moving in with them and trying to build a better relationship? Are either of your sisters married? Maybe their husband(s) have younger nieces and nephews that you can connect with that way? It's just a few thoughts.
I'm sorry I couldn't be more helpful but I didn't want to leave you waiting.
I fully understand what you are saying. NHS regarding mental health is so .so poor. You are alone,, I'm nor naïve. You have too slash your wrists before they take any kind of recognition of your condition.
No problem. I think you're doing really well. I have been having difficulties recently but still trying. We can do this. xx
I spend a lot of time alone after bringing up 3 children and 2 grandchildren, i matter very little in their lives and i feel the hour i see them once a week is duty. We are responsible for our own life but i know it is difficult to mingle with people and interests if you do not feel inclined to do so. It is inevitable that family are going to die, it is life! You like myself are depressed, i go out for an hour every day even if i don,t feel like it and talk to people in the supermarket, have a cup of tea in a little cafe and watch people go by, and then its home and bedtime at 10.30, i don,t sleep very well and am awake very early. You must make the effort to see your family and mother,my son lives 100 miles away and does not contact me enough, i feel quite sad about that. Hugs.
Hello Humphrey,
Over the years,like you I have watched many an aged family member turn up their toes and depart this very sick existence.
I have two sisters who hate my guts and give sibling hatred a professional activity, my Mother is a shrew and my father now slipped this mortal coil was hen pecked by the three shrews who would say anything to hurt your feelings.
When young I was brought up by a surrogate family who I thought the world of it was a wrench when I had to go home to sleep. My Mother if you want to call Her that admitted that she brought me up until I was ten and after that I was supposed to carry on on my own pathway. Sad to say my life from Junior School to College was a life of hell and when I started my trade it was a problem there as well. One man on the payroll knew my family and would tell tails about me and work even telling them about a girl I was dating when I was on Courses. There was two accidents at work that where questionable and many would say could have been done on purpose, that may have caused a very dangerous accident ?.
My father would call my mother when out with me etc and this went on from 17 years old up to his death eight years ago I am nearly sixty five so that will give some idea of the years it went on for.
Today I am married chronic disabled with terrible pains. Now I live in a bungalow with a wonderful dog who spends His life on his back wanting his tummy rubbed.
I was medically retired several decades ago and now I do Voluntary work with various organisations for the NHS.
So all I can advise is look for outside interests, and learn from life and all the blows you have gathered over the years. Like you I have no children and would prefer not to know the two who belong to my sisters.
At least you have your two sisters and if the relationship is good thank god you get on.
Now we live incognito and my friends know not to tell my family members.where I am. So you need to see the good in what you have and make amends in life and use voluntary work as your new family, if it is that you want. Remember you choose your friends and sadly not our families.
With regard to death and ending it all. Tried that bought the tea shirt, To do that you will really find out who your friends are and you will also see and hear a different side of the NHS Remember there are many failed tries and all you get is further mental anguish. .
My suicide attempt is a different story and pathway that is best not known about
All the best you know were we are for a chat and give you support
BOB
Hi Humphrey I am very much in the same boat you are except I don't go on holidays much as I don't like going on my own. My family is dying out too with just 3 sisters left and 1 nephew. I don't have much contact with any of them nor do I want to!
I too know exactly what it is like and spend most of most days on my own. It can be a souless existance. Are you working? If so at least you have that company - I don't even have work.
I do however get myself out and about as much as possible to find company. I take my sisters dog out every day and know loads of dog walkers to chat to. I play darts twice a week for a team so get out then. I go to a centre for over 55's and play cards and belong to a writers group. I have a number of friends I see when I can (when they aren't busy working or being with their family).
When I am really bored and lonely I go into my local pub as there is usually an acquaintance or 2 in there or trot round the local shops and chat to shop keepers.
You have to be proactive to find more company. I learned long ago that no one is going to beat a path to my door. I know it's a clique but do you have any hobbies and can you meet people through them?
This existence is pretty useless so you have to find meaning for yourself. There is no point sitting at home feeling sorry for yourself and bemoaning your existence is there? No one can change it but you. I am not saying it is easy but it can be done. x
You need to reach out online to someone, eg. this group. You reached out in the HOPE of getting some useful information and/or socialisation. Therefore you can keep going and find a purpose for yourself in life. You have interests? Start sharing them with LOTS of people online, then venture out to meet those people who are close by. If you are determined/brave enough, tell your doctor you need a referral to a cognitive therapist- usually a psychologist. They will help you learn to find new purpose in life and it WORKS if you do what they tell you. Pills can help you feel better while you're trying, but DOING THINGS is the best way to use your waking hours. Meaning and purpose will be the result of your investment in life. It requires work- no one can hand it to you on a plate. It works for me, it will work for you. Look after yourself mentally and physically FIRST. You are the most important person in your life. [hugs]
Hi, I felt in touch with what you are saying but you did not say your age also if you are now retired? what you have to remember is that all life is created and then reborn and every living thing is in that process
however short however long, if you spend your time thinking about death what is the point you could spend your time in a good book or going to do some charity work if you are able to, you sound like you feel
like an outsider looking at life in a very low mood, believe me many people feel lonely and don't talk to other people you just have to make some kind of step - (if your not housebound) do you suffer from depression because if you don't I suggest you see your GP and tell them how you feel. (Its a small start)
If you can also go for a walk in a nice place, park or forest trail it may do you good. Remember plenty of people are alone in this world or a some point in life will be. You have to take each day things to happen changes do occur. I myself am lonely my daughter is a uni and I miss her, I have recently retired and moved house to a different area, I feel lonely my very good friends have both died young all our plans of doing things together when we retire gone down the river so to speak. Anyway everybody will have a story to tell don't look at other people and think life is worth living for them!!! and not me!!! because life is very fragile at the best of times.
You should look at nature for that. You could do with a chat friend also even if its somebody to go for a coffee with.
What did you do? I'd love to know. Did you join a group or go to a football match?
S x
Hello Humphrey,
How are you now, feeling any better. I am nearly sixty five now, Whatever the future holds you are still younger than me. Some older men can have families, do not be disheartened. My family a wife and Welsh Collie BOTH KEEP ME BUSY especially the Collie
BOB
Hello Humphrey,
How are you now, feeling any better. I am nearly sixty five now, Whatever the future holds you are still younger than me. Some older men can have families, do not be disheartened. My family a wife and Welsh Collie BOTH KEEP ME BUSY especially the Collie
Hi Humphrey, Im Marianne. Joined the group as I left work last year and have few health issues, and one Ive lived with the longest being this thing they call depression. I have felt lonely in a room full of people. On here, people just care and it's helped me a million times over. I hope just having us to chat to might be a little way to giving you some company. It's good to hear you've started watching footy again. Hope you can start to find a little bit more, enough to get you by. X
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xx 
Good Reason to Live
My narcissistic mother has abused me yet again and im in a very dark place right now....
**Trigger Warning** Looking for Reasons To Live
