I just want to let those of you who know me know that I have actually had a good few days - I've been out in the garden a lot which has definitely improved my mood, seeing things bursting into bud and tidying everything up, and I've also started painting again, which after 3 years is a relief though I'm not in the swing of it yet but have at least made a start!
I've just been watching the program about the rich and famous living with people on benefits for a week and feel quite humble and a bit ashamed at having allowed myself to become so self-pitying when we have so much by comparison - at least I am always warm(ish), well fed and clothed, with enough money to go out sometimes, and with a lovely house and garden and no overwhelming debts. Sometimes it so easy to forget how lucky we are. I won't beat myself up too much about it because I know everything is relative and material things don't bring happiness, but remembering what I have got does put the depression into perspective. I hope I can manage to continue to look positively at my life and let go of my anger and painful feelings.
I hope you are all ok - I don't come on here every day and sometimes miss when you post but I do think about the regulars on here and hope you are all feeling reasonably ok.
Suex
20 Replies
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What a nice post. Spring has sprung and it's just lovely.
I don't come on here regularly nowadays. I also watched the same programme as you for Sport Relief. I do feel I have nothing to complain about. I have food in my belly, a roof over my head and a job. Things could be much worse. I would like things to change, but they will take time.
If I could wave a magic wand, I would have 'authentic' friendships, a great social life and a better job.
Good to know that you like gardening so do I. I'm going to clean up tomorrow and I love flowers and planting them.it certainly brings you in a good mood and keeps me occupied, out of bad thoughts. Can't wait for the summer months.
Sue that's a lovely post. Glad your feeling better too, I didn't see that
Programme but it is good to have gratitude. I am glad that I appreciate
What I have but money does not always bring happiness either. Poverty
Of spirit abounds too and people are more materialistic now. I find the older
I get the less things I need. I do like some things which are essential to me, but
It's all relative too.
Hannah x
Hi Sue, glad you are feeling better! Yes, the sunshine goes a long way of lifting the mood. Sometimes it is so difficult getting out of that negative rut into doing things like painting & gardening. This lifts you out of that negative pit even if only for a short time. I took the same approach - just got to the point where I was sick and tired of feeling sick and tired and moping about everything. Like you I also consider myself fortunate in what I have compared to so many others. I have a lovely house in a lovely area; a great son; a successful business, no debt worries etc yet I have wasted so much of my life wallowing in misery. I have now given up the booze totally and and have set myself a goal of running a marathon - so am doing lots of running and spending lots of time in the gym. Have also bought a 'mini-gym' so I can bench press and lift weight when I feel the Black Dog creeping up on me. Exercise is definitely the key, no matter what your limitations - sometimes just a gentle stroll in the fresh air does the trick. I hope you continue to feel so positive.
I just got up and I feel the same. I feel "lighter" in this weather. I was just thinking to myself "what an unusual feeling I have"; I don't feel too "bogged down" this morning. It's almost like i don't know what to do now as I hadn't planned for having any energy!!
Thank you for thinking of me! I'm feeling really so much better though I'm unsure why. I seem to have become assertive and decided that I just do not want to spend the rest of whatever life I have feeling sorry for myself, or angry, or depressed, or both! So I'm putting effort into ensuring I remain optimistic and do things that are good for me. I've been trying to lose weight and after losing 10lbs it is remaining stable despite my eating two small bars of chocolate yesterday, which I sometimes can't resist! Then I did all the gardening so things out the back look so much better now which in turn makes me feel better (don't ask about the front garden which is almost as big as the back, that's another story). Then I've just volunteered for the admin on this website, and now I have just had an e-mail asking me to meet up with some people from the publicity/educational side of Manchester Camerata, whose playing I love, so hopefully that might lead to more involvement over time - some social connections with like-minded people albeit 30 miles away, and maybe even an occasional free seat. I feel as though some things have begun to shift for me. I have more or less let go of trying to get back into clinical practice and the process of coming to terms with that is freeing me of the anger that accompanied repeatedly trying and failing.
Sue that's a great idea to at least let go of trying
To get back into Clinical Practice. There are lots more
Areas where you can use your skills and also
Build more social connections with like minded individuals.
You are a bright woman and need this kind of outlet,
So I suppose it's a bit like a doing a little bit of everything,
To get back to the new you. We change all the time.
Well done with weight loss, that is never easy, as we often
Eat for emotional needs rather than actual hunger.
I'm really glad your well and keep doing what your doing.
Hannah
Thanks for your support everyone - I'm still feeling reasonably bright and definitely more energetic, whether that's the result of Spring being here (although the last couple of days it has definitely not been Spring-like!) or the exercise of working in the garden I don't know, but I feel my attitude at the moment has changed and I'm feeling more forceful about making my life more satisfying.
I think you're right about sometimes forgetting what we do have, and being quick to focus on what we don't, but I think that's the depression talking. I'm been inking about you a lot lately Sue, and wondering how you're getting on xx
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Basilicaly 
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