Sorry to keep posting here. You guys are pretty much all I have at the moment.
I found out recently that my father was psychologically assessed and confirmed a psychopath. Its brought up a lot of thoughts/memories for me, and I've not figured whether knowing this makes me feel better, or worse.
Does anyone else have any experiences interacting with psychopathic people?
I also found this
psychopathfree.com/content....
Seems very close to what I experienced as a kid. Might be of interest to people with similar experience.
I don't have any experience of interacting with anyone who is a psychopath, but I can imagine it must have been a shock to discover this. I just read the info on the link you posted and it sounds like a very distressing experience, I'm sorry you had to deal with that. If there's anything you wanted to say about it for release then post away - don't apologise for posting at all. Helping is what we're all here for after all
oh dear, lilly sounds like he was not the best of dads. I do hope though that you have not seen it as a sign that because of your parents past mental history, that you are in some way doomed to become like them. You are an individual, and at your young age can choose to shape your personality as much as you can shape your career. I don't believe in destiny or fate,
smithsonianmag.com/science-...
check this link out, the odd thing is that one of the things the author says is that 'psychopaths' are unlikely to be depressed. Being assertive, not beating themselves up when things go wrong, are cool under pressure, fearless, and mentally tough..He almost makes it sound like a good thing, which I guess it can be in the corporate world of business.
although as cld says feel free to vent, and let off steam, and cuss,
Yeah, I just watched the man who wrote that book on 'Psychopath night', a program on channel four I'm watching. It's actually making what he did make a bit more sense, in a strange way. Like, my memories are more plausible, I'm not just making it up. Which ironically, is something he'd make me think, that I was making things up.
Psychopaths don't feel empathy or connect with people in the same way, apparently. One time I fell over and cut my shin quite badly, to the point where in hindsight I probably needed stiches. I was probably about 7. I was with my dad, he just picked me up, told me to stop crying as it wasn't too bad, took me to the cinema where he worked, put me down and left me. My mum came later and sorted me out. He just didn't get why I was crying/hurt.
People like this shouldn't be fathers.
in a way it is quite brave to look back and analyse your upbringing, I know a lot of the freudian type analysts do say it is part of the process needed to move forward, but I'm always too chicken to look back, it always makes me morose. Maybe I took the story of 'Lot's wife ' to heart---, I don't remember much that was drastic, just that i seemed prone to being bullied. I think my parents just assumed that we would grow up well-adjusted, and didn't realise that I needed a bit more guidance in how to cope with life, I guess like learning a new language, it is a skill that is more of a challenge when only taken up as an adult.
Glad your mother was more sensitive, maybe that made her more prone to depression, well they do say 'opposites attract.'
If there is something in genetics, perhaps you have the potential to be somewhere in the middle, just average...
Anyway night night, the spell- checker thingy keeps on flashing at me so I think my brain is ready to pack it in for the night. Tomorrow is new years eve so I will probably be quietly muttering to everyone to shut the F-up with their fireworks cause i wanted an early night. Hope you get out to celebrate then though, I'm just an anti-social bugger at heart.
I wonder what those wings will turn into? A dragon? a fairy? A self-portrait?
Its a scary moment when you realise your parents are none the wiser than ourselves. It seems that moment came earlier to us than most!
I think my mother was attracted to what she knew and felt comfortable with. Her dad abused her quite a lot.
I don't like evaluating things, I just need to ):
I do see aspects of my dad in some of my behaviour, but psychopath wise I think I care too much about people's feelings to be a psychopath! What's wrong with me is something entirely different.
I'll be in tomorrow night, working a hectic phone shift for work. I've not worked for months, and won't be able to run from this one. So a stressful night ahead I think. Luckily I have a saved up supply of diazepam, may come in handy.
The wings will be left. I prefer it like that. Like the have the potential to be something, but that something would never be as pregnant as they are unfinished.
Night x
Hi there Lilly it is hard when parents fail us, or one of them does. He probably loved you but was not capable of being the caring parent, try and see that this means that you in a way are quite strong. You are at University bright and have a chance to learn from
The failures of your parent. My own mother was an
Only girl from a comfortable background, she went on to have six children with Dad. I think she could not cope and was always fighting and leaving home and most of my childhood was spent in fear. Dad was great and never said boo to her. Towards the end of her life we were much closer and I totally forgave her for being a neglectful in the emotional
Sense Mum.
I think it does affect you but it's just one factor and I know she loved me in her own way. She suffered mentally but it was never addressed and reading about that poor lady whose Mother was locking herself in bedroom, it reminded me so much of my childhood
Lilly lots of parents are dysfunctional. It does not
Mean that we are the same or turn out the same. It's a label and I think you acknowledging it is good and strong but go forward step by step with your life. You have the knowledge and the chance.
Night night and take care.
Hannahx
I think the key is possibly to make your judgement on your experiences, not on his newly found label. Psychopath or not, it doesn't change anything that has happened in the last. What it might help you to do is make better sense of things x
Yes, I understand. Its helpful in exactly that way, to make me realise that what he did wasn't normal, but was definitely possible, and I'mnot going crazy and making it all up in my head!
No need to apologise. Your not wrong just accept yourself right now , no one is perfect and we are mostly doing the best we can
H xx
This is spot on Lilly. 
(sorry I am bit tired as been away and zopiclone seems to be still in my system) Just wanted to say to realise that your own experiences are valid, that you have been the victim of manipulation and it isn't a made up story is excellent progress; it took me 50 years) You have the opportunity now to move beyond where either of your parents have ever been, in that you have insight into this. One thing though; you are not a punishment for your father or doomed because you feel you may have some of his characteristics. Psychopaths and narcissists as you will have read command a child's love without giving any back. This leaves you with a terrible feeling of responsibility for everything which is an impossible burden for a child and also leaves you feeling completely bereft and "bad" because you have never received that love you needed. You feel like a failure because you need love and they have taught you it is wrong to need love and all you have to do is provide love for them.
I guarantee you are not your father or your mother and the feeling of being doomed it will take you a while to work it out as you have to feel it to believe it but it is a lie and a result of the manipulation.
Gemmalouise x
Stop apologising for posting a lot! Or I shall get annoyed
A better understanding of what happened in your upbringing can help. Don't get too hung up on it, but it can help you realise how you came to be as you are and think the things you do. I'm sure the way you were treated has a lot to do with feeling that you're "wrong".
Bev that's true, some people had no education or information then about listening to a child. I remember telling my mother that I had a terrible headache and she said" go out and play" and I just went out and sat on the wall. One week later I got v. Ill and was in hospital for ages with a kidney problem. Parents. Didn't listen to you when I was a child. Thank goodness that's all changed. Now
I know all parents were not like that.
Bev . Hope 2014 is a good one for us all. X
Yes I understand that. Some people just don't know how to handle kids. Tis is just how he was all the time, trying to get us to spy on my mum, asking us whether we loved him more, getting me to walk 4 miles along a sea front alone at night to prove I loved him when I was 8, using the fact that I loved my mum and brother to manipulate me etc, all seem to be classic examples of psychopathic behaviour. And the fact that he was officially classified as one as well, of course.
I've realised that me and my siblings all seem to have fragmented parts of his psychopathic nature. My brother has the charm (he definitely got off the best!), my sister the self centredness/ lack of social understanding, and unfortunately , I got the manipulative side.
I don't think I'm wrong because I have my dad's psychopathic genes. I guess one way of explaining the wrongness would be that I'm a punishment for my dad, or something. I was tasked with putting what he did wrong, right. And I failed.
Lillyjones you are you. Forget that word wrong, you are not
A punishment for your dad. Where do you get those ideas, we all have good parts and not so nice parts to our personalities. I think it doesn't help to get too stuck in looking back at our childhood, this can keep us in a childlike state for ever, instead of moving on and accepting that we choose our future and we can have an ok life. So
Lillyjones please accept you are ok, I am ok too, not great. But ok is good enough. If you see what I am trying to say .
You seem to need a lot of reassurance that you are ok.
So you are ok.
Hannah x
Lily, psychopathy is also called antisocial personality disorder. There is an excellent forum called "out of the fog" for people who have some kind of relationship with someone with a personality disorder. Their tool box is awesome too
Tonight's going to be hard. I wish I had planned better, so I could at least have an escape route to end this before 2014 starts. But I have to keep telling myself the end of June will be a much more convenient time for everyone. Ughhhhh. I'm working a home night shift tonight, so at least I'll be busy...
keep busy babes, will write you next year, wonder what your work phone-voice is like?
Fed up with my life
Suffering from a Break Up.
unsure of what is actually up with me
anyone up for a Chat 
