Struggling through a break up

[ivesy]

I never thought this would happen to me. But on Friday I found out that my wife of 8 years cheated on me and now wants a divorce. I’m absolutely devastated, I feel sick to my stomach, can’t sleep and can’t eat. I’ve never felt this low before. I just don’t know what to do. So scared.

[Jukieh]

It must be terrible for you

[Clarita83]

Be sure to look after yourself. You might be unable to see beyond today but there is a turning point. Don't expect to feel better any time soon, go through the process, it's sorta like grieving in a sense. Google might have some articles on what to do and what to expect. It'll get better one day. It happened to my best friend. Surround yourself with support. Don't be afraid to seek help if you need to.

[Zelda123]

That’s awful. And the feelings you have are not going to simply disappear. The shock of it all aswell is going to take some time to get over.

Don’t try and analyse anything too much or you will drive yourself insane. I over think everything and it gets me

Absolutely no where..

the only advice I have is not to isolate yourself, talk about it as much as you can. Get everything off your chest and don’t hold back anything. It’s important to voice your feelings to your friends and family. When ever we go through a problem people tend to isolate themselves and it’s just not good for your mind, your body and spirit. You start to create things that are not there.

Also I’ve found in the past when someone’s cheated on me is to go out and do things while your head is sorting itself out.

Do you drive or have any pets take them out for long walks.

Speak to your GP and ask for a referral to seek a councillor to give you the opportunity to be really honest with your feelings.

Don’t use alcohol, drugs or chocolate to mask your sadness.. as it doesn’t deal with the problem at hand.. temporary relieves it and then 5-6 months down the line you’ve picked up a habit.

Sharing on here was a good thing to do.

No one deserves to be cheated on.. I went out with someone and it turned out that they were engaged !?

Another guy lied about his marital situation and was with him 2 yrs to find he was seeing us both !!

You can move from it all.. just now it seems like a kick in the teeth and a huge injustice..

If you wanna moan in here I’m

All ears 😊😊😊

[ivesy in reply to Zelda123]

Thanks so much zelda. I suffer from ibs too so have been suffering even further these last few days. Feeling tired and weak. Just don’t know what to do.

[Zelda123 in reply to ivesy]

IBS can be really triggered through stress. It’s awful the dr prescribed me buscopan and that helped so much..

each day why don’t you write like a daily diary about your thoughts and feelings whether it’s in here or in a book so the community can support you 😊

[Hidden]

Ivesy

You need to take legal advice, you need to protect your interests.

If you feel you need help regards mood associated with above talk to your GP, there may be something they can prescribe.

If you approach Solicitor you may be able to get the first hour free, they can advise on the best way forward. CAB can also advise

BOB

[En1234]

I feel so sorry for you today ivesy but you have been given a lot of good advice on here and I think you should keep coming on here and talking as it will do you the world of good. A lot of us have had similar experiences and will be happy to talk about it and in that way you may not feel as though you are on your own. Sometimes its good to know that other people have gone through what you are feeling right now.....and got through it!!

I wasn't actually married and nor did we have children but MY ex partner and I had a joint bank account and a joint mortgage. We were married in every sense of the word but didn't have the piece of paper that joins us for life!! I discovered after 8 years that every Friday night my ex partner was meeting another woman the same week I discovered that he had a secret bank account and was depositing money into it every month for himself!! My wages went into our bank account and the company I worked for gave me free shares every year of which I cashed in and this paid for our foreign summer holidays EVERY year. We didn't have to save a penny, I paid for this with my shares and there he was secretly squirelling money away whilst I was handing over everything. I left because of both deceipts!!

I actually left for 6 weeks and went back to my parents and I hated it there so went back home. People say that sometimes an affair either "makes or breaks" a marriage/long-term relationship. In my case it broke it!! He told me he would never do anything like that to me again but I knew that I couldn't trust him anymore. Every time he left the house to go out with friends or even just to go out shopping I was checking his football bag, looking in drawers, under the bed, in his pockets for signs of his affair returning..?? My ex was the Plant Manager of a large company and it was when I found myself sitting on the bedroom floor with a screwdriver trying to open his work attache case, because I didn't know the code to unlock it, it hit me that I had to leave him. I couldnt stay and live like that, so although it was ME who actually left, it was HIM who destroyed everything and I didn't think I could every forgive him for it!! Now.?? I just don't care enough!!

I was heartbroken and it took me a long time to get over this but I did. I see him now sometimes and he is still with the girl he cheated on me with. I moved out of our home (a lovely big house) and moved into a small flat. She is now living in the home that used to be mine but she is welcome to it!! When I see them I always make a point of looking them both in the eye and smiling!! They both look really unhappy (not to mention very over weight!!). We have a saying in Scotland "I wouldn't take him back if he came free with a Lucky Bag!!")..

I didn't realise it at the time but I was the lucky one. He went behind my back to be with her and she went behind her husband's back to be with him, so they both know what one another are capable of!! They must be really worried when they go for nights out without one another???

Unfortunately, I did turn to alcohol for a while but when I finally realised it was not the answer, I started to look after myself. Eating healthily and going for walks in the fresh air. Getting lost in a good book really does perk you up. If you are still living in your home, why not start by decorating the bedroom. Make it YOUR room now!! Wee things that give you pleasure, indulge!! Nice hot baths etc. Be kind to yourself. You are probably still in a state of shock but believe me it WILL pass. I actually thought I would rather be dead than not have my ex partner in my life but like I said, when I see him now I realise my life has been much richer with him NOT in it!!

Good luck to you and remember...... keep talking!!!

Theresa.. XXX

[En1234]

PS. Forgot to mention, you WILL probably go through all the emotions and this is normal as well. You may find yourself thinking about all the "good times" and will forget about all the bad stuff. Allow yourself to feel angry as well but as Bob said, you need to be realistic and seek legal advice about splitting assets etc. Don't let your emotions stand in the way of getting what is due to you!! XXX

[ivesy]

I just came across our.wedding album and had a bit of a breakdown. My emotions are all over the place. My stomach is churning. She’s said that she’s been unhappy for our entire marriage and I didn’t support her emotionally. We’ve had ups and downs but I never knew how bad it really was. I feel absolutely destroyed and she seems pretty much fine. I still lover her and want to be with her but she’s basically demanding a divorce. Decided to run myself a bath to calm down. Thank you for your comments, it’s nice to know I have some support.

[calista]

Hi Ivesy.

So sorry.

That's awful.

I know you from ibs forum.

I think also that to see your gp ....and probably then see a counsellor ....talking therapy might help but obviously it must be hard to even think straight.

And as we know ....ibs will play havoc now.

I also am finding Buscopan helping a bit with ibs pain and D. I think.

I hope you will be ok ....but keep talking to friends and family.

[ivesy]

Thank you, I remember our other discussions 🙂. I’ve seen my dr who has signed me off but speaking to someone properly about it all is a good idea. I am going to go back to the dr’s and ask. My emotions are going up and down like a yo-yo. Sad, angry, defeated.

[En1234]

Remember this feeling and bottle it!!

It wont matter what anyone says to you right now, you need to work your way through your feelings in your own time but believe me when I say that you WILL get through this. Right now it is too raw and your emotions will go up and down but you need to work through it. You need to tell yourself that it wasn't you... she decided that you were not what she wanted and this is no reflection on you, this is about her.

I hope that one day you will meet someone else (what I experienced after my breakup was the fact that I was very wary about every new person I met but not everyone is a cheat!).

Like I said earlier, be kind to yourself, you have done NOTHING wrong. If you didn't see this coming and you had no idea that she was unhappy and that things were going to turn out this way then you definitely don't have any reason to reproach yourself.

Start living your own/new life as from now!! Find a "new kind of normal" for you and move one. Better things are around the corner!! XX

Trust me!! I've been there!! XXX

[hypercat54]

I am so sorry to hear this and you must be devastated. Sometimes some awful things happen in life and all you can do is hunker down and lick your wounds. Do whatever makes you feel better at the moment but know that in time it will hurt less. Have hope coz things will get easier one day. x

[Taboo25]

I’m so sorry to hear this feel for you so much. I can imagine your not sleeping or eating this is also how I deal with my own anxiety.

I think you should visit your dr to speak things through if joe you’re feeling

Take care