Feeling like a f**k up : I've typed out... - Mental Health Sup...

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Feeling like a f**k up

Tinkabeller
Tinkabeller
16 Replies

I've typed out things on here loads but tend to delete it and don't actually post but here goes. I can't handle feeling like a constant f**k up all the time, everything I do or try to do u f it up. My memory is awful so I have made a chart for my bills and I tick and write the date everytime one is paid so I can keep track but I've even f ed that up now should have some money left over for odd bits etc we'll today at the till my card declined (ground open up and swollow me) turns out a bill came out now we left will nothing and still two weeks to go. I'm tired of always messing everything up all the time. How do people get things wright ever when there is actually no point in me being in this life at all. Its not like I'm actually living anyway. Just exciting and messing things up for those around me. They would be better off without me... Just don't no how to carry on and coping being an utter failure at everything... Any advice welcome. Sorry for the long post.

16 Replies
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LilyAnnepuppy

Feeling like a worthless piece of crap is not the same as actually being one. My feelings do not have to define who I am. You are worthy and just because I make a lot of errors doesn’t negate my contributions to the world and the people in it. Try not to be too hard on yourself.

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hypercat54

Ah you are being much too hard on yourself my darling so give yourself a break. How can you possibly be a failure with two lovely children? That's more than I ever achieved. As for balancing your account this is a nightmare for most of us and I can never do it either.

Are you getting any medical help for your anxiety and depression? x

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Tinkabeller

I have just been accepted for intensive cbt but I've done cbt and it doesn't do anything for me. I have two amazing children but they are all daddy daddy daddy and I can't say I blame them. All I have to do is make sure the house is running smoothly and I can't even do that right. They all no i don't go out etc and actept that as longs as I make sure the house is in order but I'm finding it really hard to even do the house work at the mo I just want to lay on sofa and sleep. But I can't as I no I have to do stuff but I'm sure if I wasn't here they would only notice as I'm not here to clean up after them all.

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LilyAnnepuppy

Would your professional be open to a different treatment modality since the CBT hasn’t worked. Are you on meds?

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hypercat54

All you have to do? That's a hell of a task and I have never heard of any household with kids in running smoothly all the time unless you are superwoman!

Woman with families tend to submerge themselves in them to the exclusion of their own needs and put themselves last. Does this ring a bell with you? You aren't just a mother and partner you know and maybe the depression and anxiety come from ignoring your own needs.

You need your own time to just be yourself and be tinkabeller. This is essential and isn't selfish coz if you are happier then those around you will be too x

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Tinkabeller

Thank you but I don't no how any more. My anxiety and depression started as post natal from having the kids. And I don't really leave the house especially on my own my anxiety makes me feel like something bad is about to happen the min I step out the door. So I go straight into panic mode. If my door knocks and I'm not expecting it I jump out my skin and panic so then don't answer the door etc so I'm very limited as to what I can do for me. But maybe I am putting to much pressure on myself but it just feels like others can handle or even love life and I just dont get it how can my sister have 5 kids a clean ad tidy house and still be happy when I have two kids it feels like my house is never clean and there is nothing about life to love so what's to be happy about? I wish I could be but I don't understand why I would be. Sorry to be such a downer. And thank u for the kind words

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hypercat54

Your sister doesn't have anxiety or depression? Or maybe she is superwoman... It seems clear you need to work on your mental health issues before you can make more progress but this will take time and hard work. It's essential you do though if you want to be happier x

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Tinkabeller

No my sister doesn't but why do some get it and others don't. But it seems lots of people around me have it all figured out but yet I can't even get through 1 day without tears or something. Thank u for taking the time to reply.

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MEGL53
MEGL53
in reply to Tinkabeller

I had 5 children. One passed away as a baby and I had to raise 4 kids. At the time diagnosed with thyroid nodules, dysphasia and had a full hysterectomy. All this with a husband who was lazy and non helpful at all. Divorced, had two jobs to make ends meet and put on meds for depression and panic attack. NO WONDER! I am here living and not regretted all I went through. Because no matter what no one takes care and love our children like a mom. I’m an anxiety panic sufferer but proud of my children who are awesome human beings. Get your act together my dear and put your focus on your children. Take your meds and visit your physician on a monthly basis.

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Starrlight

Please don’t forget to give yourself credit for running a household. Children are the biggest responsibility ever. And YOU ARE DOING IT... so great job; keep up the good work.

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Lindsey14

I have had the same struggles, still do. You are not alone. My memory is xxxx too, but dont let this bring you down. We are human we forget things. You will get through this, I'm here if yiu need to talk.

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MAS_Nurse
MAS_NurseAdministrator

Hello Tinkabeller.

So sorry to hear you are having a tough time. I see that our members here have given you very good advice. You are doing all you can so please try to be more gentle with yourself. You may find that the intensive CBT will be of more benefit to you. Or as one of our members has suggested perhaps an alternative form of talking therapy might be considered.

It is good that you are talking to us here.

Take Care

MAS Nurse & Moderator

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muffintop67

So sorry to hear how you are feeling. Well done for posting on here this time. Hope it helped you to get your feelings out there. Being a Mum and the person in charge of the house is a hard and relentless task so please don’t be too hard on yourself. I have suffered with similar issues that you mention and know that anxiety/depression can be very debilitating. It maybe worth giving the CBT another go or finding another way to help. Have you tried any sort of mindfulness? I find that relaxation and focusing on the present helps sometimes. Try to take everything a day at a time and take time for yourself. It won’t always feel like this. 🤗

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kenster1

hi look at it this way you might have little money for now but the bills are paid and they usually are a bigger worry when they don't get paid.my two boys are always mummy mummy but that doesn't bother me as I know they really love me.you mention your sister don't compare yourself be an individual with your own expectations of yourself.im a walking mop hoover dusterer cook tidy upper after my two but some days Im like this or that can be left today like I did yesterday don't put to much pressure on yourself all the time.

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Tinkabeller

Thank u all for ur supportive words I am having a piticuly hard time at the mo I have an appointment on Wednesday so hopefully be able to get some of it out then. And it's good to know I'm not alone in this thought/feelings.

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Lofty916

Have you considered going to the doctors as you could be deficient in something such as vitamin D or you could be anemic this could be something that is effecting your mental health and easily fix hope you find the help and answers you need

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