Fed up with my life

I am Niraj Nirala, at 26. I am now totally fed up with my life. I don't what should I do with myself. I am Chartered Accountant student who failed 8times earlier in 2nd group of IPCC (Intermediate) exam and now once again just after 4 days 9th time I am going to appear. And today I am suffering from wheezing and shortness of breathing.

Let me tell you whole condition about my health. When I was 2-3 years old since then I am suffering from this (wheezing and shortness of breathing). I visited many as doctors till now if I say by guess for this problem I may had visited 30-40 doctors. Who suggested me if I will turn 10 it will automatically be gone but there were no changes then some other doctor suggested the same that I will be fine at the age of around 15 but still nothing changed. As my parents were not that known to that I had to get treated by a pulmonologist so till the age of somewhere 22-23 I always visited general physician/doctor. When I started reading about my problem on internet then I understood what is exactly I am facing. Mostly I get into this problem whenever face dust, change of weather, pollution. So I started visiting pulmonologist. Then one said I have allergy who treated me with medicines and told to wear mask all the time. Then after a year I visited another pulmonologist who declared I have chronic bronchitis what I believe this is the disease I am suffering from.

So since my childhood I suffered on an average 2times a year cold, cough, wheezing, shortness of breathing for atleast 1 month or more everytime; once suffered from Jaundice, Dengue, recently 1 month ago Chikangunia. I am 5"5 and my weight is 50kg. Always blocked throat for which I try to clear it which also sounds whole day.

My parents have no money so I will get treated by any well known or popular doctors by paying huge fees.

At the end in short I will say I have no health, no wealth, completely failing in my career, no personality, niether friends nor happy family and I am already 26; it became totally a hopeless life without any idea that why I hve been born. In an all I hate myself and say why I born. 2-3 times I was like I must not live any more mainly in the worst conditions of health. What should I do?? I have read and watched all motivational things.

Especially my health and career made me totally hopeless. No idea what should I do, where do I go?? 😭😭😭😢😢😫😥

7 Replies

  • Sorry to hear that things have been so difficult for you with your career and your health. Are you receiving any support for depression e.g. medication and talking therapy (or computerised CBT)? Do you live in the UK?

  • No I am from New Delhi, India. Once I visited one psychologist but then I get confused do I really need this. Because I am a totally confused person in a minute I am fully charged and very positive but 2nd minute goes down.

  • Hi wheezing and shortness of breath could be asthma? Have you been diagnosed with this? There are inhalers available to help you with this. There is also an asthma site and a general lung one here (British Lung Foundation) so you might get some answers there.

    When you see the doctor about your depression also ask about whether you have asthma. They should give you a test called a peak and flow one which involves blowing into a small machine and seeing how much and how fast you can breathe out. x

  • You sound as though you live. In India am I correct? Secondly your condition sounds like asthma which I have had since childhood, I do not understand why you have not been given an inhaler, however if you live in a poor country then I know things are very different. You mention feeling very low due to failing exams poor health no friends. You must be good at something, you need to boost your self esteem. Please do deep meditation listen to something relaxing if this is possible, you have contacted this site so you must have access to the Internet, there are many useful tapes to download, once you become more relaxed you can then help yourself think straight. You sound clever, be positive and look for work within your capability. It will not happen overnight but you will become stronger. Life can be very hard and depressing but you will conquer this. Let me know how you get on and ask for an inhaler😊

  • Yes you are correct. I am from New Delhi, India. The second last doctor whom I visited was most accurate with my problems. And yes he has given me that inhaler for the 1st time till now. But they also denied it for being Asthma, said it is chronic bronchitis. But only when I take medicine till then I stay fine. Stops taking medicine condition get worst. So I am clueless that how and when I will be fine. You can imagine that how am I feeling at the age of 26 totally alone with all such problems.

  • I am genuinely sorry for you Nira. I know you live in a country where you cannot get support like the UK. Please try to get something to build your confidence off the website, do relaxation and attempt to be positive, I know all this will be hard for you without support but we will do what we can on the site to help you. Convince yourself that you are confident, practice hard, I am right behind you😊👍

  • Please hang in there ,there cold be a simple health reason why your immune system is down & why you suffer from asthma, breathlessness & lack of concentration depression,, brain fog & cannot score well in exams .All these symptoms can be due to a vitamin b12 deficiency.It can occur commonly in vegetarians.be inherited, history of anaemia ,from certain meds,parasites,stomach bypass,or exposure to nitrous oxide.if you could have serum b12 ,folate,ferritin ,iron ,Vit d ,MMA ,homocysteine levels attended.Sadly Drs world wide are not taught nutrition nor symptoms to recognise deficiency.For further lifesaving facts check b12awareness .org My hubby suffered from asthma all his life & breathless 5yrs ago misdiagnosed last year has Vit b12 deficiency.Good luck.