Why does the depression take back over I just don't understand.....

[SOSPLEASE]

I was feeling better after a long few months of a hard struggle and then after a great week I woke up Saturday feeling overwhelmed and so angry, I got through the day and apologized to my son who got the brunt of my mood and today I woke up feeling suicidal, not to the point of doing anything but thinking about how and then telling myself not to give in. I made it through the day, went out spoke to a couple of friends cried a lot, but I had to take a Valium to cope, I just don't understand why it hits me so hard without any trigger. I was in such a lovely mood last week, I am on a high dose of antidepressants and they are helping but how do these extreme days just appear when I feel better? I am beside myself with uncertainty....I am worn out and I feel guilty that I behave this way as my boy at 13 is starting to notice my mood does anyone else have these extreme days and take meds? They seem so random and scare me I don't want to die I want to live and be happy like I can be and have been. I have suffered with four major bouts of depression over the last 30 years twice hospitalized and due to a stressful childhood have had a tough go of it overall . I decided to join up at Yoga tomorrow but I get scared I am going to lose it.....some support would be great

[Suzie40]

Interestingly there have been two other posts this weekend describing very similiar scenarios; feeling fine and then suddenly taking a dip. If you have a look for Bev (hypercat's) post, you'll see some really useful comments. I've experienced it, too, and have spoken to my doctor on various occasions about it. As I mentioned on the other thread, mine seem to coincide with my period. I can't really describe how I deal with it, but my best attempt would be to say that I pigeon hole it. Put how I'm feeling into a little box and know that I have the power to close the lid.

[gardengnome]

not sure if you have tried the ''mindfullness'' approach previously, Part of the approach seems to be just acknowledging what is happening inside you and in your surroundings and stepping back from it. The thoughts and feelings will be there for a short time, but the idea is that you CAN view them in a more neutral way. and avoiding that worn out, guilty, scared chain reaction .

A bit like standing on a seashore and letting the waves ebb and flow, the salt might sting but the tide WILL go down again.

[SOSPLEASE]

That is a good idea sort of third person? Rather than in the wave? I am okay today but scareda again I will try done Yoga tonight if I am really honest I think the heart of this terror is my loneliness which I experienced as an abandon little girl and the thoughts are very diblitating for me thank you for your replies it reallx helps me so much