I'm tired of the why: Anxiety, Depression and BED.

[bimbim12]

I've been diagnosed with anxiety & depression. Anxiety I feel like I've struggled with for most of my life, depression came later in my teens after surviving a nearly fatal car accident with my family. Everyone kept telling to be grateful that I survived or that I didn't damage my face. What it did take from me was a day without pain. I'm in pain every single day of my life in various degrees. It took me away from my friends and community that I knew at the time, and it coincided with the dissolution of my parents already volatile marriage. All of this I was told to be thankful for and to be positive about. I mean I get it, I understand the logic behind the advice, but it never helped me. Rather I felt guilty for feeling bad, or ashamed that I now had a significant leg length discrepancy. I thought how shallow of me to worry about people noticing my limp. But they did notice and I did feel ashamed. Or all the countless Dr visits where I was promised a complete cure but never got.

From low moods, I learned to comfort myself with food, copious amounts of it. Not just junk food, but everything just to fill the void. What void? I don't even know, but I've been told countless times from therapy to online blogs and forums to find out the root cause. I know what it is and I'm still messed up. I'm tired of searching for the why because I already know. I just don't want to live like this anymore.

I don't want this to be my identity.

[Hidden]

Hi bimbim12

I’m truly sorry for the struggles you have encountered.

Although it doesn’t feel at all like it right now , things can improve.

I really hope being here helps you to see you are not alone in how you feel.

I wanted to say welcome to you and every good wish ..

I look forward to seeing you around the forum here, I’m glad you found us

🌼🌺🌼🌺🌼🌺 xx

[bimbim12 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much Olivia40 I didn't realize I'd get any replies to this but your words have been really encouraging , I've been feeling really low today thank you so much again

[Hidden in reply to bimbim12]

Sorry you have felt low today 😞

You are not alone.

I hope you feel better soon.

I’ve had a little while of feeling awful, today actually wasn’t so bad and I got out for coffee and cake so it was a result !

🌼🌺🌼🌺 x

[Blue42]

Hi, you have every right to feel the way you do. Things don't get better just because other people want them to. Please don't let the past ruin your future. We all get disillusioned with the world a round us, with what we perceive we should be. Be strong and look forward instead of backwards. Try to find something new that you'd really like to try, (art theropy is a good one) and express yourself that way, and most of all be kind to yourself and learn to love yourself. It may sounds daft but your the only one that matters right now, if you can learn to be kind to yourself and realise your self worth, things will get easier. Hope this helps xx

[bimbim12 in reply to Blue42]

Thank you Blue42, thanks for the suggestion about a creative outlet, I'll look into it, the last part really spoke to me because I tend to be really mean to myself without even trying