I've made a massive mistake, I dont know what to do, I feel like I'm going out of my mind

some-one please tell me what to do. I thought I loved my man, not three days ago I thought I wanted to marry him. I wake up today and I want him out of my life. I dont love him. I dont want him. I feel so scared. I want to leave work and go tell him that its over. Im not good enough for him, he deserves better, someone who isnt flakey and loves him one moment and then another day doesnt. I just want to run away and hide. Im going to ruin everyones christmas. I feel sick

[ThemysciraDrive]

Hey. You do love him. If you didn't, you wouldn't think he deserved better - you wouldn't consider his feelings at all.

And if he deserves anything, it is Christmas with the woman he loves - you. You are making his Christmas fantastic just by being there with him. You are not flaky, you have depression and anxiety that makes you panic. But you are better than the depression, and it isn't going to stop you having what you deserve - a great relationship with someone who doesn't screw you around like your previous one did.

Your Christmas is going to be great. Any time you need a verbal hug, you know where we are

Themys

[Hidden in reply to ThemysciraDrive]

I just feel so scared. I kissed him goodbye this morning and felt nothing. Thats not right is it? I got in the car and drove to work and alI I can think of is ending our relationship. My stomach is in knots, I feel like i'm going out of my mind

[ThemysciraDrive in reply to Hidden]

It's ok not to feel something all the time - it isn't electric sparks always. Deep breaths - go somewhere and have a break for a few minutes. You're not going mad, it's the fear caused by what's happened to you before.

[manish83]

it's always good to come clean.

or you may be needing some space from him.

just be honest to him.

merry christmas

[Hidden in reply to manish83]

I just feel I need to go home and tell him its over. Its not right to feel this way is it? I'll hurt him but at least in a few weeks or months he could find someone who can love him consistently. Not like me. i do - i dont - i do - i dont. Its not fair on him and all he has ever done is love me. He deserves better. I think that youre right, I need to come clean and be honest.

[Adorable1 in reply to Hidden]

Hi there,

I personally wouldn't rush to do anything. What's the rush..enjoy Christmas together have a nice time without thinking too deeply. You get along ok, can have a laugh ,watch movies, eat nice chocs and food, take your time with your thoughts. Think about it all at a later date, making rash decisions won't help,

What if you end it all and on Christmas Day realise its a mistake. It's better to go with it for now. If your emotions are up and down, there's a chance how you feel will change.

Agree with thmys we don't always feel sparks and special things. Go easy on yourself. Take your time. Enjoy the time off at Christmas relax...no rush, one day at a time is the key...

Sending you some calming vibes

Much love

Sue xx

[Hidden in reply to Adorable1]

Ending it with him is the only thing in my mind, i cant think of anything else. If I get to christmas day and realise its a mistake, then I will only have myself to blame. Right now though I feel telling him is the right and honest thing to do. He deserves me to be honest with him. Its not fair on him x

[Adorable1 in reply to Hidden]

In relationships we all have doubts at one time or another. I think when our emotions are running high they can get worse.

Christmas is a funny time of year for us all. Emotions seem to run higher,

I can only suggest you don't do anything rash, and regret it later,

Whatever you decide I wish you well. This forum is great for chatting to people it's helped me many many times.

I'm sure others will post too which may help you.

I've made many mistakes by rushing to do something I thought was the only way at the time,

Thinking of you and hope it all goes well

Love sue xx

[gardengnome in reply to Hidden]

I'm not the most romantic person, can you spend time with him as a friend, does the relationship have to be an all or nothing thing?

If you have known him for almost a year the first flush may have worn off a bit. Are you guys instead ready for a more steady mundane type of relationship?

[Hidden in reply to gardengnome]

He is my friend. He's my boyfriend but he's also my friend too. I know that if I ask him to go, I will lose that friendship and quite rightly so. Why should he remain friends with someone who has hurt him. You wouldnt put yourself in that position would you? I wouldnt. After 3 years on my own with two small children, being with someone in a normal "mundane" relationship is what I want. I dont believe in the fairytale, I know relationships have to be worked at. But this is hard. I dont want to feel so up and down about him. its not fair on him.

[ThemysciraDrive in reply to Hidden]

It's anxiety, it's not real and it's not your fault. It's the missing chemicals in your brain that cause depression that are making you feel that way.

Love isn't always fun and it isn't always easy. You clearly care very deeply about this guy, and that's the dictionary definition of love - it's only the black shadow on your shoulder that is trying to convince you otherwise. Don't you think your partner must be very happy with you to be virtually living with you?

Today is just a bad day for you, we all get them. Just hang on and get through it, and please don't do anything you'll regret later. Don't let the shadow win

I have some CBT worksheets and handouts from my therapy on deang with lnegative thought patterns - I'm happy to send that to you if you think it might help, as the panic desire to end things is a repetitive thing for you.

[Hidden in reply to ThemysciraDrive]

Could you themysciradrive? I would really appreciate that, thank you x

[Gambit62 in reply to Hidden]

Really hope that the exercises help.

As Will says, think it's just panic and anxiety and think the feeling nothing was probably more of the same.

Please don't do anything on impulse and going home from work is doing something on impulse.

The part of our brain that deals with fear is a very primitive part of the brain, so: it sees danger (and being stressed is a danger) ;it does what was appropriate in the days when we lived in caves when it was either a question of kill danger or be killed by it and keeps sending us the same images over and over again. Try to take a deep breath and look beyond the thought that you need to go home and break it off - that is not what is going on. what is going on is that you are feeling stressed - and not necessarily stressed about the relationship though a first Christmas with someone is bound to be a bit stressful. Try telling yourself that everything is okay rather than going round in the loop - the loop will come back but keep trying to tell yourself that it is okay and do something you enjoy - have a drink and focus on what the drink feels like if you can.

[Hidden]

Hello

e happy

Stop worrying, He thinks the world of you. Everyone is the same. Lucky you have someone who thinks you are there for Him , you are just frightened that this relationship will go the same way as your last one,

We all suffer doubts, we all at times need someone to be with. You now have that chance to be with someone who gets on with the kids as well as you. Put this feeling to one side and believe He is wanting you with all your little ways.

It is most probably all the little things that He loves about you, That is what people feel when they meet someone who they want to be with, they find the quirks a quaint and endearing thing about you.. That what make you who you are.

Give Christmas and New Year a chance, be that family, see how this period goes, give Him and You a chance to make that future you are striving for, you are worthy,kind and your boyfriend must think the same about you or He would not be there for you Now it is you that is preventing your own future happiness, go for it be a family

All the very best to you all for Christmas and New Year

BOB

[Suzie40]

I think you're sounding very selfish actually. Why would you do that to someone two days before Christmas? I'm not in your head, I can't tell you whether you love him or not, but I can tell you that nothing makes sense at this time of year. You need to try and park these feelings for now, and reevaluate when things settle back down again x

[Hidden in reply to Suzie40]

It does sound selfish doesnt it? I know what a selfish and what a complete bitch i sound. Believe me I feel absolutely awful and I would try anything to get these thoughts out of my head. He is one in a million and I hate myself for it x

[Adorable1 in reply to Hidden]

When we suffer with anxiety and depression we also don't feel we are worthy of anyone, or anything that is nice to us or loves us.This is not true, myself personally, I can go into self destruct mode...destroying something good because I don't feel I deserve it....he's better off without me because ....etc etc....

This is not true,

Agree with Lucy about ...why would you upset someone 2 days before Christmas...

I understand we're you are coming from, I've been there...unsure, one minute in love, the next not sure.....believe me rash decisions don't usually work..

I can feel your wish to get the thoughts out of your head, and can hear you saying he's one in a million !!!

Love sue x

[Photogeek in reply to Hidden]

I have to say that Lucy is right about being selfish. You sound

Very mixed up and one minute you want to marry him and now

You want to finish with him. Accept that you are in a very

Impulsive state right now ' but please don't act on it .

It would be very hard on him at Xmas.

Hannah