So if you've not seen any of my other post i used to suffer from server anxiety. After two years of intense therapy i have found coping mechanisms, however i still get it bad sometimes.
This is one of they times ! So apart of my recovery which is what i like to call it, i have conquered my fear of going outside, getting a job and getting rid of all the toxic people in my life (this took several years to achieve but non the less i feel im going along just fine) then a boy, who i have known for a long time has popped back into my life. At first i was excited and it was welcomed considering i had just dropped all of my "friends". I really like him, hes funny and kind and he wants to talk to me everyday just to see how my day went. So here's the problem, everytime i go on a date with this guy my anxiety goes beyond my control and the longer im with him the more upset my stomach gets. It gets to the point were i am holding so much stress in my stomach its really really painful and i end up on the floor holding what feels like my insides together 🙈. I have used excuses a few times like, i have a sickness bug or cramps but it happens everytime i see him so i cant keep it up forever. I have normal nerves right before i see him, then im fine chatting away and then towards the middle of the night everything starts to get painful. I know this is prob TMI but i think its trapped wind 🙈 but i dont get this at any other time than when im with him.
I feel Terrible that we always have a great night then i ruin it by not feeling well. Hes not going to stick around for long if everytime i see him im ill and i wouldn't blame him.
Since iv started talking to him iv lost about a stone in weight just because of the stress ! I feel ridiculous even admitting that. I have mentioned that i have bad anxiety sometimes but i didnt go into details. I just feel constantly stressed even when hes not around and iv completely lost my appetite. I thought dating was the next step in my recovery because i really want to get back out there. I just want to be normal and be able to do normal people things ! But i can see me being able to keep this up. I feel like my body just wont allow it.
Does anyone have any suggestions because im so stuck on this and i have no idea what to do next. I really don't want to have to give him up just because of my stupid anxiety 😧