The straw(s) that broke...

[trachet]

I just feel really down and fed up. There are reasons why, but there are stupid reasons why I shouldn't be.

My pupil's are pushing me to extreme stress. The end of a another term approaches as do their exams. Some are behaving like scared ostriches and are burying their heads in the sand and hoping that their exam will go away. When pushed they either withdraw into themselves, so no progress or explode which means I get it in the neck from parents that they are not ready! Then there is the pupil who I forgot to enter (oops). This is the 2nd time in 20+ years of teaching that I have forgot a pupil. It is so stressful. I have got to be so positive when inside all I want to do is scream and yell!

Yesterday I put my all into something I was doing, which was generally successful, but 1 person picked up on something that did not go well (some of it beyond my control) and now I'm finding that all I can do is dwell on this close friends comment. I know logically I should dwell on the positives but I feel so low that this comment is going around my head like a stuck record.

I am trying to sort my messy life out and I am SLOWLY getting there. I am sorting out my clothes. Now this is the stupid bit. I used to be 19 + stone I am now under 14 stone. Should be happy? But as I am slowly losing weight most of my trousers are now too big. Every time I try to find a pair of jeans to wear I am getting upset as they are too big. I have another collection that are too small! My bedroom is full of piles of clothes but I'm finding it hard to sort through them.

Tonight I watched a programme on diet drugs and diabetes on Channel 4 I am now worried on top of being down! The programme looked at some medications for diabetes and their connection to pancreatitis, and pancreatic cancer. So if diabetes is not going to kill me it looks like the drugs I am prescribed might! Ironic as I don't care if I live or die.

I'm fed up with people around me who have said if ever I'm feeling low that they would be there for me. When I saw one on Fri she said that she couldn't talk as she had people to talk with on the internet! Today, someone else said you just have to get on with it! and learn to let things go, so easy to do that isn't it?!

I have run out of meds (again) and I won't be able to get any until Thurs as my docs won't do next day prescriptions. I have to work from 9 - 7 tomorrow and 9 -8 on Weds so I won't be able to get an appointment to see a doctor, (to get nagged at for forgetting to order a repeat prescription sooner.)

Oh well off to bed to try and sleep. Tomorrow is another day

[gezza13]

Hi tradhet..i watched that program last night..iv just had a spell in hospital with pancreaties and i haven't got dieabities iv had all the test to find out why i got it but they couldn't say why...but i blame long time medacation and docters wont tell you when you are on long term meds that they some times cause problems...it just funny that while in hospital they took me of my statan i was taking for cholestrol...called...lipator iam now looking into problem with my meds...as docters never tell the truth...i lost two stones in weight..i was a panicy person to stat with and iam even more so now...but life goes on and iam trying to cope...but i will be checking every tablet that i take for problems...so good luck and keep your chin up and try and stay positive...

[missrat]

I think the programme only concerned some of the newer medications - Byetta was the only one I had come across, and it seems that they are given by injection over here.

The more common metformin and other groups haven't been associated with this problem.

Ann.

[katie2012]

Gosh being a teacher when you're suffering from depression/anxiety sounds really tough!!! I couldn't cope with that, at least when I'm at work I can put my headphones in and disappear into my own world.

I think the thing with medication is also a tricky one. We get told so many different things about what we should an shouldn't take. Some may say it can cause other problems but ther medical professionals will say differently which just causes so many other stresses!!!

Do you just work in term time? If so, at least you can count down the weeks before the holidays and you can have a few weeks of chill out time! X

[trachet in reply to katie2012]

Hi Katie,

Today has been an improvement. There were nice receptionists at the surgery and they rushed my script through. It is currently at the chemists, phew!

As I was leaving school, my youngest pupil shouted out goodbye to me as she saw me going to my car.

I do only work term time BUT I only get paid when I work as I teach piano and flute. So summer is a mixed blessing very little work = very little money. The best thing is that I live 5 mins cycle ride from the beach. So if the weather is ok sitting on the beach with a good book beckons.

Tracey.

[Photogeek]

HI Trachet, exam times are hell for all, I think you sound totally worn out and angry at everyone. I have been there with clothes everywhere. Take 1 hour and two plastic bags and go through your clothes, one bag for Oxfam and the other for throwing in the bin, as some things might be too old, so Oxfam or Bin it. At least if you do that you wont be rifling through clothes for yourself, that would drive anyone crazy,

The school stress will soon be over, let those nagging self blame worries go, Mindfullness Mediation might be good for you, I sometimes get these stupid negative thoughts stuck as if on tape in my head, and Mindfullness helps me, Take Five Minutes Breather and do your breathing and it will get you back into body and out of your head. Trachet if you are interested I will give you name of book I used when in hospital about 3 years ago. I did a Positive Psychology eight week course as an out patient, and it certainly helped me. Of course we will always have stresses like friends not having enough time for us , but everyone probably has those.

Dont stress too much over Meds. every Rx. has side effects even the leaflet lists those, I myself get a liver function test every six months, and the last one showed up one abnormal reading and I now have to get another one, my Doctor is very thorough, I know with Diabetes it is difficult, just make sure you get that test and that does show up any liver damage blah blah, every drug I am sure does not do our bodies any good ( Liver wise I mean)

Trachet I want to give you a big hug, because sometimes I get into this kind of moods, its like everything is wrong, my late mother had a funny saying when I was a child, sometimes I would be fed up as a child and didn't quite know what was wrong with me, Mam used to say "ah pet you got out of the wrong side of the bed". It was probably a portent of things to come as in my Depression, but now I can laugh at myself. Hope you feel a bit better soon. Let me know if you want the info about Book with CD.

Hannah x

[trachet in reply to Photogeek]

Hi Hannah,

Thanks for your usual down to earth and logical thoughts! The reason the clothes in my bedroom are in piles are for sorting out. Winter clothes to go in vacuum bags (Bought more bags today!) Piles to go to a local charity shop which support young people, Piles to go into a bin that recycle rags for charity and any ok to sell on ebay. Its just annoying that work is getting in the way!

Fortunately the ladies on the drs reception today knew me and were nice and made sure I got my repeat sorted today without any grief. People who don't suffer from anxiety/depression don't always understand that the easiest tasks can paralyse us.

Letting off steam on here helped and I managed to get 6 hours uninterrupted sleep. 2 more hours would have been ideal but I am now feeling more human today. Just reports to write now, and believe it or not I am over the moon. For over 20 years I had to write detailed reports that would be returned to me as there were spelling/grammar mistakes or they weren't positive enough. This year they have been simplified and they don't have to pass a certain anal retentive teacher! What I mean by this I have had reports returned as I had written 'one' and not '1'!

Thanks for the offer of the book but I am halfway through reading a book about how to change our attitudes to life. (fingers crossed).

Off to bed now so I can be human again and be positive to pupils.

Here's hoping we get out of bed the right side tomorrow xxx

Tracey

[Photogeek]

HI Tracey,

You sound in much better form, its amazing how venting our feelings helps, you are very

honest and open which is a great advantage. I am not always logical with my own stuff, sometimes I dread doing the most stupid things, that another person would not even give a damm about. That is great you got your Rx.

Look after yourself, and plan something nice when school breaks up My younger sister who is a Mum of three grownup kids is a teacher, and I know sometimes she is ready to pull her hair out.

Take care,

Hannah x

[Hidden]

I really related to your post! I am also a teacher (ESOL) and it is all a bit crazy this time of year. I wish I had your clothes problem. I am dieting and aim to get down to similar weight some time but it is a long haul. Also on a debt management programme so it is all about control!! Not easy. My depression is SAD and I wish I was feeling brighter than I do right now. The lack of light is really not helping me.

I also have paperwork issues with work. It is never ending for us. Get a date wrong and it all has to be redone. Ouch!

Take care and thanks for the rant!

Debbie