How do you get back that chemistry

[Rosebud10]

I'm totally fed up with everything and everyone. I find such little pleasure in anything and all I what to do is take sleeping pills and go to sleep to kill time.

I have absolutely no enthusiasm for anything , I've stopped going to the gym, and in the past year have fallen out with my so called friends who really weren't friends at all, just there for the good times only people, and happy to unload all their c*** on me constantly but when the boot was on the other foot they didn't want to know.

My parents are elderly and moan and complain every single day about themselves or their friends who are all dying off, and my teenage daughter lives in her room when she's home and thankfully is out a lot having fun.

I went on a date last night which was painful, I tried to be as accommodating as always as listened endlessly to all his previous bad relationships, family issues and there wasn't a molecule of chemistry between us other than the gas in my sparkling water.

I couldn't wait to get home and get I to the warmth and security of my bed alone..

I've been divorced for 17 years from a real swine and brough my daughter up single handedly which was a breeze actually. I was just grateful to be out of a very miserable abusive marriage.

However, since then I've shut down and just won't let anyone close to me - years and years of yoga, mindfulness, self help books and a degree as a nurse have passed me by. I'm financially solvent so need for nothing other than companionship and genuine kindness, love and that chemistry that just seems to of dies a death.

[Gazzathomas]

Yeah suffering from depression has this affect . It's made me think twice about relationships l. Would they understand or would they not want to. Hiding away has been me for many years . Some times I like to go out sit on my own have a beer read a paper or something and just watch people going about there Day. I wonder sometimes how many of them have my illness too? Then the majority of the times I just sit at home wondering what could have been and if my life was different where would I be now ....

all I can say is the more I look for someone the harder it is to find .. I have found during periods of my life when not looking someone comes along to brighten the days .. but tend to find once they know about my difficulties they walk or distance themselves ... maybe I need to re learn how to love myself first ?

[Rosebud10 in reply to Gazzathomas]

Thank you for replying but I feel you are replying to your inner issues not what I wrote . I never said I 'suffer from depression' although I'm not ruling that out. I was merely saying I'm totally fed-up and fond dating so dull and boring.....

[WhiteAlice]

Amen about learning to love yourself first, Gazzathomas!! I'm getting out of an abusive relationship now. I got out of an abusive marrige, another, just sad marriage, a weak long term relationship, several short term relationships..hmmm. In all honesty, chemistry is hormone driven. Guess my hormones have been working overtime! Have you dealt with menopause, yet? That will kill chemistry and desire quickly, but a GP could help you there. Maybe you just haven't met the right person, yet. The fact that you're not jumping at the first one us admirable! Keep trying, but keep listening to that reason in your head. It's ok to take it slowly. (Now let's see if I can take my own advice!)

[Hidden]

Hi this is a double edged sword. I understand totally why you shut yourself down after your awful marriage, but by doing this you also shut out the things you want and need. I do exactly the same but can't bring myself to be hurt again.

I do understand that the only way to get what you want and need is to open yourself up to the possibility of hurt and anguish. I hope you find this easier than me. x

[Rosebud10]

Thanks for that, it's supportivento know that others out there understand and don't judge ....

Xxx