I'm totally fed up with everything and everyone. I find such little pleasure in anything and all I what to do is take sleeping pills and go to sleep to kill time.
I have absolutely no enthusiasm for anything , I've stopped going to the gym, and in the past year have fallen out with my so called friends who really weren't friends at all, just there for the good times only people, and happy to unload all their c*** on me constantly but when the boot was on the other foot they didn't want to know.
My parents are elderly and moan and complain every single day about themselves or their friends who are all dying off, and my teenage daughter lives in her room when she's home and thankfully is out a lot having fun.
I went on a date last night which was painful, I tried to be as accommodating as always as listened endlessly to all his previous bad relationships, family issues and there wasn't a molecule of chemistry between us other than the gas in my sparkling water.
I couldn't wait to get home and get I to the warmth and security of my bed alone..
I've been divorced for 17 years from a real swine and brough my daughter up single handedly which was a breeze actually. I was just grateful to be out of a very miserable abusive marriage.
However, since then I've shut down and just won't let anyone close to me - years and years of yoga, mindfulness, self help books and a degree as a nurse have passed me by. I'm financially solvent so need for nothing other than companionship and genuine kindness, love and that chemistry that just seems to of dies a death.