01:09am....

[soozy1984]

I've been in bed since 8pm... I have a cold virus hanging around and I feel rotten. My entire body aches with my Fibromyalgia and I feel physically exhausted but here I am lying wide awake thinking about silly things, feeling anxious about work in the morning. And its even more silly because I keep saying to myself "I havr to get up at 6.30am im gonna be shattered".... Cant switch off though! I barely got any sleep last night either.

Loadd of things keep running through my mind. Work was such a struggle on Monday and I just feel like I can't face it at all, not just becaue its work and I can't be bothered. I just cant face making idle small talk with others in the office and pretending to to ok when clearly at this time im far from it. I cant deal with moaning customers who have no idea what its like to feel like this anf have no idea what I'm feeling like inside.

Im anxious about my first proper psychology appointment on Wednesday mainly because I have no idea what to expect. ... if anybody can help I would really appreciate it.

Its 01.17am now....

[Ne11ie]

For the last 3 days have been exactly like you, so you are not alone. I love my first psychiatrist appointment, it was such a relief to talk to someone who had proper clinical yet empathetic responses to my issues. I felt so comfortable talking to her immediately - I hope this happens for you too. I now have a Mental Health Nurse and Social Worker, though this has taken 2 years and no real help except seeing the Psychiatrist occasionally. So enjoy but be realistic about timescales

[Photogeek]

Sorry to hear you are not sleeping. I am a bad sleeper and read till all hours. But at least I am retired so its ok. When I was working it was a super human effort to get up.

Good luck with your assessment, and I hope things improve, just take things day by day, and be kind to yourself.

love

Hannah

[Aurora-auspice]

Know the problem well! But been with psychological services 7 years and dreading losing it! First appt as I remember it with same sort of level of distress before was signing forms filling boxes on scale of symptomatic behaviours etc there was some sort of ethics thing about a contract I think that included guarantee of confidentiality and things by ethics of profession and law that confidentiality couldn't cover and really welcoming kind wonderful person allowing me to risk bearing my soul but allowing me to wait along time before I risked the worst! I don't remember any challenges at all in the beginning it was all about building trust and getting to know a little of my history to see what might have led to the extreme depression, anxiety etc in my case I tried so hard and finally after years of therapy I finally realised nothing would work and decided to end it all. No problems with failing that with my preparations but thanks to the doc and psychologist who truly believed I was worth saving which I just couldn't understand at all they finally worked through all the diagnostic filters and my lifetime of hiding symptoms and I was assessed and diagnosed with Aspergers and adult adhd and now all my depression helplessness hopelessness and sense of futility feel as if they make sense. I've found new strategies and coping mechanisms that seem to be working better i still feel depressed mood swings etc but I TRULY feel hopeful for first time that with their continued support the new meds and hard work and practice even I stand a chance of overcoming this now.

I know the apprehension beforehand is unbearable, the lack of sleep and anxiety just make everything so much worse but it really is worth it and really does help even though it feels in the middle of the process far worse as you face personal things not dealt with or understood in your past but when you are through that it is worth it and you can learn ways of being sucked down with the next bout of traumatic life experiences.

Good luck it will be ok .... Honestly!

XXXX and hugs

[Aurora-auspice]

Ways of preventing being sucked down with the next bout of traumatic life experiences. .... LOL ..... Freudian slip do you think ? LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Hidden in reply to Aurora-auspice]

I LOVE that slip! It's exactly what I would have written if I was being honest, we do get sucked down but when feeling more optimistic it's difficult to want to acknowledge that. However we also come back up again as a result of finding ways to cope. I'm glad you finally managed to get a diagnosis which enabled things to make sense for you - sometimes that is what is needed, some way of understanding even if the symptoms are still as bad. Suex

[Aurora-auspice in reply to Hidden]

Thank that's exactly it and when someone actually listens to you as an individual not pigeon holing you and expecting you to react in a stereotyped way! Listens as in really HEARS you through your facade! Aurora x

[Hidden]

Soozy, you do sound poorly, is it impossible to take a day off work with a cold? Maybe it is, sometimes it means losing money and that's not an option. I find Lemsip helps with the symptoms and when I was teaching it was the only thing that enabled me to get through the day whenever I had a cold. Have an early night with a nice warm drink or whisky, whatever your preference, and hopefully the cold will pass quickly. Suexx

[soozy1984]

Thanks for the replies. It's really appreciated. Im wide awake again this is driving me mad. Auroa your reply was honest and it helped me calm a bit.

As for this cold well I still feel rotten

[soozy1984]

Well just an update. Had my first session today and it wss good. Im going to be having CBT sessions. I know it wont be easy but ive been given a couple of breathing techniques to try when I feel myself getting anxious and also been given somr cds one with breathing techniques and one a relaxation cd to try help me sleep.

I now see him weekly so hopefully over a period of time the sessions will help me

[Hidden]

Hi Suzie, I'm glad to hear the session went well, probably the stress of starting contributed to your having a cold but hopefully things will settle down for you now. Suex