Hi there,
I often over react to situations that are deemed stressful. It's becoming more and more of an issue as these outbursts are sometimes displayed in-front of my children which is not acceptable. I'm looking for help on how to manage these situations better and thought this would be a good place to start.
Hey sorry to hear you're having problems.I used to have a very stressful job and although most of the time I dealt with it quite well sometimes it all got too much and I would lose it at the slightest thing.
I found exercise helped me greatly, either weights or simply walking in the fresh air in the park or along the beach.
Having a bit of me time is always a good thing difficult maybe when you've got a young family.
I don't know if you've ever talked to anyone about this, but maybe a trusted family member, doctor or minister. Also have you really let go of the hurt from 20 years ago that you mentioned in your profile?
But don't do what I did and medicated with alcohol for a number of years
Thanks for the reply.. I've recently started cycling to work which has helped massively and being on an alkaline diet has also contributed to my mood being a more positive one. I think you may of hit the nail on the head about me not really confronting what I was exposed to all those years ago. I've never really spoke to anyone and in hindsight when I react badly to situations it is a replica of exactly how this person would react. Being exposed to years of mental abuse sometimes seem like if I've become that person on how I deal with situations. I think i need to put the past behind me and try my best to not let it dictate my life and speaking to someone might be the 1st step I need to take.
Good work on the cycling. It gets the endorphins kicking in. I was lucky to find a good friend that I can tell anything to.Hope you can find someone to talk things through with and make sure it's not still impacting on your life today.
I also used to treat myself to a massage now and then to help get rid of the tension, when your shoulders and up and tight.
Good luck
you have made the first step, you have accepted you have an issue, if it’s affecting your family it needs to be sorted, you need to go and see your GP who can refer you to for anger management counselling, when we suffer from stress we tend to hurt the ones closest and dearest to us, you are on the right track you have noticed there is an issue and want to get help well done for that it takes a lot of courage to take the first step.
Thanks for your reply. I'm already in the process of speaking to my GP. Just being on this forum expressing what I've been through and having someone to talk to has already had a positive impact on me getting to grips with the situation which I can only thank everyone for taking the time to reply to my post 🙏
It might make you feel better putting on here what happened to you all those years ago, it’s easier typing it down than talking about it, the more you talk about things the less they control our lives, just writing it down is a release. Do you talk to your wife about your past?
I have spoke to her about it but not in great detail if I'm honest. This particular family member that I was close to seem to undermine everything I did, nothing was ever good enough, he always portrayed he was right in every situation, was controlling, mentally abusive and for years and years I felt it was ok to be treated like this because I stole something from him when we were growing up. I honestly felt I owed him and it was acceptable to be treated like that but one day when I was with my 2nd daughter who was 5 at the time he was upset about something and started shouting at me which scared my daughter and when she went home to her mum she explained what had happened and her mum called him to tell him this was out of order then he completely lost it and hit me and I was knocked out cold and left for dead. He left the house with me unconscious. That was the last straw. It honestly felt like a cloud had been lifted because I knew from that point onward he was no longer going to be involved in my life and I haven't looked back since. My only concern is being a victim for so long and not getting the appropriate help hasn't helped on how I deal with stressful situations.
sounds like my brother, I stopped talking to him 25 years ago he dies 2 years ago, it didn’t bother me he had died he was a bully. You can’t keep hold of it for the rest of your life you need to let it go for your own sake and your families. Tell your wife how you feel and what happened you will feel a lot better for it, do you live in a town or out in countryside? Go for a walk listen to the birds and tell her. How old are your kids now?
I live in a town and my wife normally walks our dog so I think it's time for me to get involved. What doesn't help is he moved house a few years ago and is quite close to where I live now, I often see him and and think about what happened in the past but you're right I need to let it go. Since we parted ways I met my wife, have 2 beautiful kids with her and life is great. I'm determined not to let the past ruin my life. My daughter who was 5 at the time is now 19, and my my 2 other kids are 10 and 3.
Talk to your oldest daughter about it as well, you could be harbouring negative thoughts about how it affected her at the time, just talking to her could lift a lot off your shoulders. As a parent we tend to worry about things that happened when our kids were young but they never give it a second thought, it’s our place to protect them and if we feel we have not done that it lingers on, I often talk to my daughter about our past and find a lot of what I worry about don’t bother her where my brother was concerned. I live out in the Essex countryside and try to get out for a while each day, it helps keep the mind and body in a good place.
You could see a qualified Nutritional Therapist specialising in this area for personalised therapy.
Hi there, would be keen to get some more info on this if possible,
See below a definition of Nutritional Therapy by regulating body, BANT. Also a link to qualified, BANT-approved practitioners to choose from. I have other links, if needed.
I recently started talking therapy, which is available free on the NHS by self-referral, so no need to involve GP. I'm only 4 weeks in (one hour per week, via video chat), and finding it very useful. If you want to try it, see nhs.uk/mental-health/talkin...
Hey sounds like you're already taking the first steps so I sincerely hope it goes well for you. Talking is a great way to make sense of what is going on in your head. Kind regards my man
Thank you so much buddy that means a lot 🙏🏾
You're welcome man. I've been there maybe not going through what you've experienced, but do understand about the uncontrollable flare ups. You take care of yourself and the people around you. I know you'll come out the other side just fine
Sounds like you been through a lot, but coming here is a big step to finding a way to de-stress.
I agree with others that talking and seeking professional advice is the way forward. What you don't want is to put this stress onto your family, talk about it, yes. But don't let it take over and take any frustrations out on them. This may sound obvious, but for so many the whole family can suffer the effects of one persons stress.
Remember you are the better person for walking away from this bully and putting Your family first.
Good luck.
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