Jealousy Over GFs Guy Friends

[TheObserver2024]

Hi all,

I'm getting quite negative thoughts about my relationship throughout the day and the night which makes it quite difficult to get to sleep and is making me quite irritabile towards my gf.

She has a v. close guy friend, they cuddle in bed together, she goes on holiday with his family, his sister is one of her best friends, they cook for each other, work together, plan long trips away together. The reassurance she has given me is: 'don't worry whilst we're together he won't make a move' and it could have happened a while ago but it never did.

The other side: she decided to live with me and one of her girl friends instead of him, she does love me and throughout our relationship she has supported me in so many ways.

[Norwich1 Moderator]

You mention clinical depression in your bio. Has this been diagnosed? Are you taking medication for it?

[TheObserver2024 in reply to Norwich1]

Hi Norwich, thank you for the reply. No I'm not diagnosed and not taking any form of medication. It is just an interest

[Norwich1 Moderator in reply to TheObserver2024]

OK. It might be as well to have a chat with your GP or a mental health helpline. You seem to be heading into mental health issues.

[TheObserver2024 in reply to Norwich1]

Appreciate the automated advice Norwich but I'm just dealing with a bit of low-self esteem and was looking for people who might have gone through a similar thing

[Norwich1 Moderator]

The advice was not automated! You will be in no position to deal with the problem with your g/f if your mental health deteriorates. Sorry if that is not what you want to hear. Only trying to help.

Low self-esteem is a mental health issue

[Omniscient1]

Tricky one this. What stands out for me is 'don't worry whilst we're together he won't make a move', which implies that he still may be interested. On the other hand, we can probably remember times when we,or men we know have stepped over the close friend boundary to try our luck only to be pushed firmly back into our box, this guy may well be in that category,so you'd have nothing to worry about, as she says.

[TheObserver2024 in reply to Omniscient1]

Thank you for the reassurance - appreciate it!

[IPNH]

I'm a woman and I can say that I wouldn't be comfortable with this relationship. You're feelings are valid even if it's truly platonic. It's also not fair to ask her to give up a her very close relationship with her friend. Personally I would look elsewhere for love. I wouldn't give an ultimatum or waste time fighting with her but instead make a clean break and meet other people when ready. It's not really fair to either of you if you push the issue and/or if she did decide to give up the friendship she has. I have not personally snuggled with guys in platonic ways although it's completely possible they aren't anything more than friends. I'm sorry I hope this doesn't make things worse or upset you further. It just doesn't sound like the relationship meets your needs and your entitled to be in one that works for you too.

[TheObserver2024 in reply to IPNH]

Thank you for the response, yeah I'm positive they're just friends and fully trust her about the fact that it is just a friendship (for now). What I worry about is losing her over time as feelings can be caught but that being said, that can happen in any relationship. I don't want to end it with her over this, I just want to work on my low self-esteem about it

[GreenHornet_654 in reply to TheObserver2024]

I've been divorce many years now. Two weeks ago I got a text from the ex, She let me know that her sister was battling cancer and would pass very soon. Since then we've been texting. She is married has been for a while. I saw that texting was becoming a problem . I told her that I was not comfortable texting being she was married. I met her husband several times throughout the years, he's really a neat guy. I decided to tell her I was ending all communication. Motives of the heart can be very deceiving. I'm glad I saw it for what it really was. I trust people to do what is right, I just don't trust human nature. Observer since your volition is to stick around don't be to surprised when she burns you. We reap what we sow and become what we practice.

[Jimbo92]

If this is a genuine serious question then my first and only answer would be to get the hell out of there. If it seems dodgy then it probably is! Don’t sell yourself short, have some pride and take control of the situation. If she can’t see it’s wrong and you end up splitting then you’ve dodged a bullet, trust me

[TheObserver2024 in reply to Jimbo92]

She's not doing anything behind my back, I trust her just not always her judgement haha!

[Jimbo92 in reply to TheObserver2024]

Alright put it another way. If you were in bed cuddling another girl, would she be as tolerant??

[TheObserver2024]

She's had a friendship like this before and the guy fell in love with her, then she broke off the friendship because for her it was only a friendship