I used to worry about not being good at sports. But I’ll tell you- the only thing worse than being bad at sports is having everyone know you’re bad at sports as soon as they look at you. Because once they know who you are on the field, they pity you. And nothing crushes a 12 year old boy more than being pitied by those who should be his peers.
I used to worry about not being attractive, because short men aren’t conventionally attractive. As a result, my confidence dropped like it was when I was in boxing, I couldn't bare the fact that everyone else around me was getting taller and I reached my final stage of height growth (5'5) and that is where most of my issues were born. That took away any chances I would have had of having a girlfriend before senior year of high school- but we’ll get to that later.
I used to worry about not being respected, because short men aren’t automatically seen as leaders the way tall men are, and that killed my confidence as well.
Some time late in high school, I can’t remember precisely when, I suddenly realized that my lot in life was going to be crap if I didn’t do something about my stature-based low self esteem. When, one day, I noticed that I was invariably the one who moved out of the way of passing students in the hallway, rather than us both moving, or them moving, a little light clicked on. I walked into the high school bathroom, looked in the mirror, and saw a kid who I’d definitely shove out of the way, too. Bad posture, averted eyes, hands in pockets, quick, awkward movements. Just generally bad posturing and mannerisms, coming directly from years of low confidence because of my small stature.
I realized that when other guys started as a blank slate, I automatically started low on every social hierarchy. A short guy with bad posture is never, ever seen as a leader, and sometimes not even seen as worthy of respect. This is one of the reasons why I can't stand to make eye contact for any longer than 10 seconds.
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OxyLeo
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hey mate, you’ve just made the first step and spoken out, be positive be honest stand strong, look at your positives not negatives in your mind, size is not everything
Thanks OneJoker, as a matter of fact, this is the first time I have told anyone, and I am doing it anonymously which is ironic because I have nobody to talk to anyway, I really don't have any friends at all. My height insecurity has always stopped me from almost doing anything, going to the gym, trying out for sports, asking out a girl, even going out.
It has been years that I have been dealing with this issue and it's driving me crazy! I can't see past it anymore and I slowly see my self getting depressed over it. Who knew one insecurity could get this bad?
Hi Leo, I know it's difficult at your age, but people will respect, admire, and love you for who you are, which means how you treat others, how you do your work, and not what you look like. (I'll not say that of course 5'5" isn't really short because I guess you get that a lot.)But in our society this is a difficult thing to get over to young people. Hang on in there.
I get what you are saying, I didn't give up on myself fully. At my age I work as a civil contractor at SpaceX, which is one of Elon Musk's biggest companies in the world. I design launch fields for rocket ships. I bought my first mustang last month and i'm super smart, I graduated with scholars and a 4.0 GPA.
The only thing that has always stopped me though is my height insecurities. I mean as much as I have accomplished right now I haven't been able to accomplish what a lot of people can, and that is finding someone in their lives. Girls tell me all the time that they would rather not even give me a chance just because of my height, even girls shorter than me.
because of that I became super anti social, I don't really have any friends and I gave up trying, I kind of just accepted that I will always be alone because there is no helping me anymore. Somehow I always fall back on hating my physical appearance.
Hi Leo. That's quite a lot of success, really well done. But take it easy, **opinion warning: you're going to hate me saying this** but you're only 22, despite the degree and the car you're still in the kindergarten of life. My daughter (when she came out of uni), went from bf to bf. Looking for Mr Right. When she was between guys I said to her there's no rule that says You Must Have A Boyfriend. So she took it easy (I'm not saying it was all because of my advice!) Result an unattached year or so when she did other things and eventually met up with her now husband (at 29). We're all different, try not to compare yourself with others. What I'm saying is, try to stop trying, if that makes sense to you.?
Hang in there Leo. Focus on the Positives. As for height, don't worry about it. Accept who you are. Look at Kevin Hart, he's 5' 3" super popular and loved by millions. Why, because he loves himself as is. Tom Cruise is around your height. Does it bother him? No. Stay safe. 👍
I totally agree with what was stated above by all. I was the fat kid who never got picked for team sports either at school, somehow I just chose to ignore it and be my own person. At some point people think it is arrogance, but it is just how I developed a thicker skin to deal.
I never talked about any of this when I was younger, but think it is so good you reached out to this group.
Keep reaching out to talk, look in the mirror and put your chin up and smile. I know easier said than done for those of us who are older, but so important you like yourself!
There is a great series on uk channel 4 called naked education, all about accepting who you are. Might be worth binge watching. It hit home for me is so many ways.
Thanks LondonB, I wish there was a way for me to see aside from my height. I have always tried but all I do is lie to myself and others when I tell people I don't care about my height. I make small remarks about it all the time but really I am only hurting myself even more.
I wish there was some sort of strategy or something I can do about it, it feels like a blood sucking leech on my skin all the time. Anytime I go out in public I see that the whole world is taller than me, I feel so out of place especially because I am a guy. Literally! There is always a voice in my head constantly telling me that I will never be as tall or as better than anyone taller than me.
it's so bad that I wear shoes and boots that give me at least an inch of growth, I never want to take them off because I feel so embarrassed looking the way that I do.
I'm 6ft1 and a lot of times move out of the way of other ppl and I've met short guys that r genuinely positive, confident and happy in life to where I admire those qualities in this person (coworker). As with all insecurities it's in our head and most ppl don't care
I'd kill to be 6ft man... I always have to be looking up at people and I feel so pathetic. The worst part of it all is my antisocial anxiety thing I live with too, I struggle to make eye contact because as soon as I do I get the feeling that I am already being judged because of my "joke" for a physical appearance.
All the comments people have made about me, all the "short" jokes my co workers made about me. Since then, I accepted that I am never going to be taken seriously, I feel like a joke... I feel pathetic, I don't even like being looked at anymore.
Hi OxyLeo. The others are right! Height means nothing of you have time confidence of a giant!
I’m only 5’6” it never bothered me. The CFO at my company is probably 5’4” and is very successful. I’ve seen a picture of his wife and she is beautiful.
to me it kind of is, society has shown me that most girls will date a guy who is taller, but then again, every guy I see is always taller than me. I have a Napoleon Complex, I started hating my self and the world because all anybody sees me as is just a short "kid."
If I call my self a man people will laugh at me, they've done it before, if I try and ask a girl out 50% of time she'll reject me and tell me she only dates tall guys. I feel like a joke, honestly I accepted to give up on even trying at this point.
Believe me, I understand how you feel more than you realize.
My wife is a little taller than me and my 13 year old son is a lot taller than me.
I’m a manager and have been for years. I’ve never felt that I was inferior to anyone based on my height. I’ve managed many that were much taller than me and it never mattered.
I’ve never dated much but never had a woman tell me I was too short. You will meet someone who will love you for who you are and what is inside, your height will have nothing to do with that.
Although I am no giant at 5'-9", I am not 5'-5" either. However, I know a number of men that are in the 5'-5" neighborhood. I never thought of any of them as inferior in any way. My nephew is 5'-5". He played sports as a youth, although I don't think that he was ever very good. He is the CEO of a $ billion business with about 1500 employees. He has been happily married for 35 years and is very self confident. Height means only as much as you let it mean. In life it does not prevent you from attaining your goals. Look at Spud Webb and Muggsy Boags. Bother were 5'-6" or less and both were NBA all-stars. I think that one of them even won the slam dunk competition once. Don't ever think that your height is a limitation.
I agree with most of the comments you have received. I suspect you realise that you do need some professional help to cope with your anxiety issues. It will help - trust me!
Just don’t expect instantaneous results. You have a lot of “unlearning “ to do. Best wishes.
I agree with most of what has been said. I along with most men, and probably women, have wanted to be different in some way. I was the weedy kid who was picked last for the team, in fact I would hope not to be picked at all, couldn't play anyway !
As I got older I longed for a Girlfriend, I could talk with Female relatives and friends Girls/Wives but if it was a potential suitor, nope. I eventually resorted to blind dates, and met my now Wife. I love her dearly and we now have three beautiful grown up children.
As the song goes, walk straight, walk tall and look the world in the eye. Your only limitation is you. In your line of work you will know not much cannot be achieved, just somethings have yet to be reached.
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