Need a friend right now: You know... - Men's Health Forum

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Need a friend right now

inthedark profile image
inthedark

You know sometimes it’s hard to speak out to others because after all who do you trust round you.

So turning to a site is more easy.

So anyway I don’t know what to do.

I’ve been married now 10yrs almost and I’ve been treated like rubbish by my wife

One min I’m told I’m loved and the next

I’m hated worthless told to have a fit and die then told I’m loved.i can’t just walk away I have a child

And don’t want to end up with nothing at all. For the past few days she’s been real horrible to me .ive lost friends I’ve had to loose my family.i dont know what to do .

I feel I’m stuck in this pattern and can’t get out.i feel so low right now and down and have no friends to talk to .

People say leave it’s not that easy when u love the woman and have child to.ive not eaten in 2days and tried to put my arm round my

Wife and say plz don’t row to be told go away leave me alone.

She’s been treated bad by other men and I have done everything I can made a nice home told her I love her everyday made stuff always hugging her but she don’t seem to make the effort I seem to be.i feel real bad and low right now and hurting bad.i feel I’m being intimidated but don’t know what to do.i hate turning to sites for help but I don’t know what else I can do .i hate conflict and don’t like rowing but she says some of the worst things to hurt me then tells me she loves me.anyone having the same happen.

11 Replies

i would just stand back abit...you might be pushing her a little..dont hug her, dont say i love you, keep your distance for a couple of days and see what happens..you sound like a great guy..

inthedark profile image
inthedark in reply to ellinaki

That’s just it I am great I will help anyone do anything but don’t understand how someone you love so much is so nasty 10yrs I was hoping and been hoping it will stop telling myself she will see what she has to loose . but it’s not it’s just goto the stage I no longer go out I don’t talk to family because I’m so scared of the comebacks.i was a person that always was out on my bike going for bike rides and enjoying myself.now I’ve become just some object owned and only wanted when something needs doing.thats just the problem I’m a caring person that my happiness is making others happy .maybe I’m to kind I don’t know but how can u change your ways of being kind when that’s who u are.

Marriage counseling sounds in order. If your wife rejects help from counseling as a couple, you may have two options left:

1. Turn your attention and love to your child. They need the stability, love and reassurance. Meanwhile do not expect anything from your wife. Praise her only when she is positive towards you. Remain neutral (express no emotion to her) if she is negative. If she reacts to that approach, calmly tell her that if she cares for your relationship, she must contribute towards it in a loving way. Move away from her if she turns against you. Tell her she is no state to talk with you rationally, so you are only prepared to listen if she calms down. Go for a walk, take the child with you if possible/appropriate.

2. Seek support, strengthening from a therapist.

3. If all fails, consider separating for a while.

Take care my friend and message me if you wish.

you can talk to me buddy,

It's a hard one mate. But I agree with therapist1965. You need help as a couple sooner the better. Good luck mate. I hope everything works out well.

Osidge profile image
OsidgeModerator

You have ended up in a position that many women end up in - spousal abuse. That can be physical, emotional or a mixture. Women will often say that they cannot leave because of the kids or because they love their partner. Letting these situations continue can often lead to worse problems. Do not let her cut you off from your support mechanisms - like your family.

If you want to talk to someone in the UK, men can call the Men's Advice Line free on 0808 801 0327 (Monday to Friday 9am to 5pm) or ManKind on 01823 334 244.

Look I'm going to be blunt ye it's a boot in the balls everytime she takes a bit off you and she no been fair and love is as great and as bad cause people who are closest always get the worst but agree get the balls to walk away if a argument starts calmly say I'm not a sponge to this abusive behaviour so I'm heading out few hours then back if still same go to bed I was same mate to the point of that left longer for the sake of being the asshole walking away but thought would be easier do drive my car off a bridge. I didn't I went home after 3 hard years of hell packed and left moved in with mate who was aware what was going on contact to see the wee guy every day and she always ignored me I went to get help and when she got the letter I got the text which wasn't good I had been abusing her for years I was having affairs I had a drink problem i smashed the house in front of her parents lies and more lies i was sleeping with my best mate which i was sleeping not shagging or sexual in anyway the list goes on few months later I walk in to living room in mates house out shower and think no ones in so drying hair naked and she was sat on sofa I see her she said sorry look we need to talk 5mnth councillor session and we are great she had a extended post natal depression which she believed was all my fault you need to be hard to let her see her faults when no one there to take the abuse someone else will notice the changes in her ps no women would ever separate me from who I like family or friends even when my best mate is never going to be good to her or think hes a dick hes ma bessy and got me through the hardest times in life lost sis to cancer mum at 52 heart failure brother killed in road accident age 27 and undressed me took me to shower washed me and put me to bed after a bad night out covered in vomit that's a true person in my book shame u don't have someone to give a unbiased opinion good luck it's not going to be easy

Also try and be more like you were before the kid came as that can help her understand shes not just a mum

My heart aches for you! I am not much help because I am in a stable relationship and cannot imagine separation. However it seems that you have been trying to gain her trust, which is probably what she is reacting to given her previous relationships/treatment by men. That is something that only your wife can resolve. But I do think that it is high time to think about getting some counselling - either together in marital counselling or psychological counselling for yourself. But these are simply the thoughts of what I would be looking to do if I were in your situation.

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Hey I am sorry you are going thru all that. many people have gave you advise to talk to an expert. You got to love yourself more than anything. put your self first then others.

YOU are not her child, she picked you to be her partner. allow yourself to have a healthy conversation with her and express your concerns to her.

I'll tell you the way my counselor told me "Get Your Balls Back" no need to fight, just find your place in her life and let her know.

There is a little guy that needs you both more than you both need eachother, as you emphasized.

Good luck.

What is your age btw?

Learn a little of stoicism, I think this can help you, also start loving yourself and looking out for yourself a bit more, as a guy I can tell you it's not worth torturing yourself over a relationship, try to stay for the child but separate your self emotionally n Learn to act in your best interest not hers,

I didn’t read all what others comment here but I would say few things which may help

First if u feel ur wife don’t get what u say and u tried for long and u feel confused that she lack the proper simple kind response then try to read about Asperger Syndrom as maybe she have it . Those who have this issue u can’t read emotions and they have few other issue touch is one of them and this also could be a reason why u feel rejected or lonely while u are with wife u love

Another issue if that is the case and u feel u are related to what I said b4 u have to completely change the way u see things

If u find my answer make sense to u come back to me I will help u further what to do.

Best regarda

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