So I've had two long term relationships that both ended up being sexless, now I'm single and dating I've come across a few issues. Firstly, I can get an erection no problem, but when it comes time to wrapping up, I start to lose it. Secondly, when no stimulation is occurring i start to lose the erection, quite quickly.
Ive put it down to three things:
Porn induced ED - although my usage has been quite low its picked up since being single. So to solve that I am abstaining from masturbation and pornographic material.
Low testosterone - I've bought some supplements (zinc, magnesium, vitamin D...) ones that articles state are essential for the production of testosterone. I've taken to the gym to start HIIT and strength training. Which supposedly helps. And bought more foods with good fats in them.
Anxiety - Due to past relationships I worry I have developed an unhealthy relationship with sex. Very little I can do about that in the immediate but always worth considering.
What I would like is any thoughts on to what can help with this issue that I havent thought of, or if you tried one of the solutions listed how did it help?
Thank you
Written by
GKingsman
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The simple thing would be just to get some viagra or similar from your doctor. It will virtually guarantee a full duration erection and improve your confidence .
How old are you? with time, erections are less efficient, it is normal. Anyway, making love should be possible at any age.
Medical advice: go to an andrologist, don't take medicaments without prescription, it could be dangerous. Check if you have nocturnal spontaneous erections: if you have, probably the problem is psychological. How to check it? the andrologist can give you an instrument you have to wear for one night, the instrument registers the force and the duration of your spontaneous nocturnal erections; but sometimes we are aware of these spontaneous nocturnal erections (if you are not circumcised and you wake up with an uncovered glans, you have probably had an erection while sleeping; sometime we can be conscious of our noctunal erection through dreams or through short period of nocturnal wakefulness). The andrologist could prescribe you an US scan of your penis; again this can exclude organic problems, and give some interpretation on why you do not have efficient and durable erections and decide therapy. The fact that you CAN have erection should anyway exclude any organic problem.
Are you taking drugs? for instance antihypertensive drug? psychodrugs? They can disturb your erections. You should discuss with your GP and your andrologist on how to possibly change the therapies.
Are you hypertensive, or diabetic? this and other debilitating diseases could disturb the erection mechanisms.
Behaviour advice: many men can experience sporadic impotence. How to cope with it?
first: remember women like very much to be courted, more than to be penetrated; so be gallant, and prolong all preliminaries of sex: kisses, caresses, on whole her body. The same should do your partner on your body.
As far as sex is concerned, remember that you have your penis, but you have also your hands and your tongue: many women loved to be licked even more than to be penetrated (it is much less traumatic for them and even more stimulating, especially if you work with your tongue on her clitoris; we too, we may like fellatio more than penetration sometime, may we not?).
And LAST but not LEAST: try SOFT penetration: if you have a semi-rigid penis, it will work very well, but it is possible also with a flaccid penis. Look up for soft penetration of internet. An interesting site is sessosublime by Jacopo Fo, it is in italian, but some sections are translated into english. Your partner must be well lubricated (by her secretion, by your saliva, or by some lubricant); take a deep penetration position (you can find them on internet); gently put your semi-rigid or flaccid penis into her vagina. It will slip inside withou much effort. Stay still and enjoy the feeling. Let time pass. You will be more and more intimate, and it is possible that your penis become hard inside her vagina. It is wonderful. Many women (not all, but I think the most clever ones; women that aim only to be penetrated have not well understood how their pussy actually works) love this slow way to make love.
I had made a post about slow sex in this site, with interesting links
I'm 27, take no regular medication or recreational drugs. My alcohol consumption is minimal, i dont smoke and am normally fit and well. The stuff I started taking is just an over the counter multi vitamin. I just made sure it had the vitamins associated with testosterone. I've dieted for 5 years so I figured a micronutrient imbalance to be plausible.
I will book in to see my GP. Again, thank you greatly.
I would go to an andrologist. At your age and without medicaments or diseases your erections should be Ok. You say you have normal erections but they do not last. I suspect some kind of anxiety. But an US scan of your penis might evidence an exagerated venous return of the blood from your penis. In other words, your penis could inflate correctly but deflate to rapidly. Are your problems present since the beginning of your sexual life or are they recent? Finally testosterone could help you only if you have a deficiency. The andrologist could prescribe you this blood test. Do not take testosterone without medical advice. It could be dangerous. If anxiety is the cause a psychotherapy could be useful. Let me know. Nick
Hi
Firstly this isn't anything unusual. I've experienced do experience the same. I'm not sure why but I can't use condoms without either a penis ring or ED drugs e.g. Tadalafil or Sildenafil. I recall that ribbed condoms helped rather than skin type ones. I'm 55 now and this has always been an issue for me. Exactly the same with regard to stimulation too. My conclusion here is that if I receive the correct stimulation I'm fine but if not, results much the same as yours. I have very hard morning erections that last too. I don't worry any Ionger just simply use the penis ring or medication. Gym exercise and keeping fit and well is essential. I'm very trim and fit for my age and this really does help.
Above all, try not to become anxious, easy to say I know but it doesn't help.
I want to answer your question from the view point of a therapist, and I will try to make this post the least self-serving as possible.
Firstly, go and see a doctor? How do you know you have low testosterone? Erectile problems can be the first symptoms of bigger problems, the type of problems that will kill you.
When the physical is ruled out, and is almost always is, you are left with the thoughts in your head. Your most powerful sex organ is your head.
Head stuff divides in to two types. Arousal or Fear.
Arousal – give up the porn, what you see on that screen is not what you will get in the bedroom; porn is training your arousal responses to an artificial. Arousal is not a high brain function, it does not have much sophistication or ‘width’ to the spectrum of what it finds arousing. Train it to the attainable.
Fear – or more specifically the anticipation and expectation of failure and the fear to try again and feel the same pain over and over again. This is real, and in my experience the easiest to fix.
The sexual urge is something you were born with, along with the desire to breathe and to eat, no one had to teach you this impulse. A decent therapist can reduce that fear enough for the impulse to take over again. The only thing you really should be concerned about, is not your ability, but that important word called consent. Everything else is just ‘base instinct’ let it happen.
The condom moment is the most common; that is when, just about all of my clients say the real problems start. No man can fake an erection, and when everything else is done, and penetration is expected from you, the fear response kicks in…..
I strongly suggest Viagra or similar is not the answer. Go and see a doctor, and if the problem is physical, this is what Viagra and similar are designed for. If it is ‘head stuff’ then the pills will create for you a bigger problem. Dependency...The only real thing you want to be dependent on is yourself, and your own sense of certainty.
In short, go and see a doctor, then go and find a decent therapist.
You are right, I cant confirm I have low testosterone, although the symptoms of it match my current self, they are common symptoms of a lot of other stuff. I will book in to see my GP and go from there. Best to rule out the physical.
Psychologically those are some very good points you raised, thank you. I have read them all and they helped me understand things differently, I'm fully abstaining from porn in the hope that helps.
Who says viagra is only for physical causes of erectile problems?
It's something that is available, with few negative effects so why not give it a try?
It can be an excellent effective way to "kick start" effective erections when psychological problems are the cause and it is certainly not addictive or likely to cause dependency. Once you achieve good erections your confidence will improve and tablets are likely to become unnecessary.
While psychotherapy may help, it can be very time consuming and expensive and there is no guarantee it will work.
I have been a happily married man for many, many years but have had to go to supplements for good erections. In my opinion, and for me, I think this might work for you. I used to use Viagra and Cialis. I do masturbate in between times.
Let me know how you are doing.
Jeremy
It appears the problems are psychological. It will depend how much your partner urges for you , then Tadalafil is certainly going to act .Otherwise it will remain flaccid. You may get the feelings but will not be satisfied. Dont worry. With time things change
Please read my site as an alternative therapist I practice for this treatment soulcontact.co.uk its helped when you begin basic breathing and meditation as this relaxes the muscles in the brain, it is called tantric massage.
in the uk it is a form of treatment, which comes from india under the culture of adornment of the god Shiva hinduism/buddhism this works for many i have treated.
I think you should try Cialis and see if it works for you! I faced a temporary erection problem few months ago but after taking some Cialis pills, my sexual performance increased significantly. Within an hour of taking a 10mg tablet I can be very hard and not have to worry about losing it. If you are curious, I ordered my pills at generic-meds-store.com. Delivery was fast and order was well packaged. Definitely will place any more orders with them !!
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