I have major depression. Been diagnosed with it for years now. This past year I have taken serious and big steps in my recovery with depression, as I have been hospitalized for it and suicidal threats. My first suicidal threat hospitalization was January 3 and it was the first time I've been hospitalized for psych reasons, plus my first interaction with a police officer. I was so scared, embarrassed, and upset. But, it was 2 weeks I needed - away from work, drama in family, and the ability to work on my mental health. One of the reasons why I was so depressed last year is because of the holidays. I am single, 40, and I doubt I'll ever get married, much less have a girlfriend.
Now that we are in the holiday season again, I am noticing I'm starting to get depressed again. I'm **not** suicidal and I have a safety plan in place with my therapist (Call 988, 911 or take myself to the hospital). But, what do I do to get out of this depression about the holidays?
Thanks for reading this.
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FootballFan21
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I think you can remember what humungous steps you have taken in looking after your mental health and that there is no need to be embarrassed because it is an illness just like diabetes and you deserve to be looked after. There are people in the world that care for you and send you good wishes. Try to think in the present and the interactions that you do have daily , however minimal and work on those - they are your people. Forward thinking about a girlfriend and marriage is creating anxiety and those things will happen for you too, when the time is right and then next holidays might be better. You had a big year this year , so go easy on yourself.
it’s Thanksgiving and I’m home all day alone and of course depressed. I could have gone out to a 12 step meeting but the motivation wasn’t there.
Just looking forward to going to sleep with all of my stuffed animals and going to a meeting in the morning.. going out to breakfast if it will get me out early.. in program they say move a muscle and change a thought … it works.. if I do it.
I'm so sorry you're battling this, and I can really understand a lot of what you mention! When I was very depressed for a few years during and after my last pregnancy, I had a number of hospitalizations. And yes, awful, embarrassing, but also sometimes the rest and support I needed. I've been pretty good for a while now, found the right antidepressant after many, many attempts. This summer I had to have a back surgery I'd been trying to avoid, and subsequently I ended up with repeated kidney infections. So it really slowed my recovery, needing to have another surgery to remove the kidney stone and such. I think the limits to my normal activities: not being able to keep up with the house, not being able to socialize, not being able to go swim or hike, maybe wore me down more than I had expected. So going into the holidays I've realized that my depression is worse than it's been for quite a while. -I have always tended to force myself to work until I just crash and cannot go on any longer. So this time I've made myself take a couple of weeks off. It's not ideal and I feel very guilty about it but I cannot let things get severe again!
-I'm trying to get back into the routine of going outside: I love hiking, or at least walking in the wildlife refuge, and it's highly therapeutic for me. Also am trying to be more disciplined about doing the mindful breathing stuff when I start feeling panicked.
-I'm working on limiting any stress or depression triggers, like financial annoyances that I can eliminate or make a good plan for, and little home repairs that bug me and will feel satisfying to finish.
-I'm limiting time on social media so I don't see a lot of pointless freaking out or negative news. I'm making myself reach out to people who are legitimately supportive.
-I'm communicating more with my therapist and doctor.
Do any of those, or similar things, seem like they might help for you?
Yeah some of that sounds familiar with me. I have been opening up more with my therapist, but it just doesn't seem to help me improve. Plus, it is the evenings and weekends I feel the most depressed and that's obviously when my therapist is not meeting people. I've been trying to do my coping skills I learned about in one of my hospitalizations, and lately they haven't been working. I feel like a total failure for having these coping skills not work.
Seems like the deal with all those skills is that they are useful and important, but they don't really work by themselves if you're legit feeling really bad, you know? A lot of people who have never been seriously depressed or anxious think you can just sort of exercise or meditate it all away. That's not the facts. Plain and simple. That stuff is good for maintenance, and it's a good addition to other treatments, but it's just not enough by itself. It's like if I tell my patients with super severe diabetes oh, just improve your diet. Um, not realistic, and def not enough at least for a while. They're probably going to need medications and specialists and teaching and all that! Maybe when things are way improved, then we try backing off the aggressive stuff, right?
Does it feel like your therapist is a good fit for you? I've been through a TON of therapy, different types, and only a few really felt like I accomplished something significant. Do you take meds, and do you think they are helping right now?
I think my therapist is a good fit for me. I have told him things no one else on this planet knows. I see my therapist every week. Except this week as I'll be out of town. But my therapist is ok with it as I guess being out of town can be helpful for mental health. But I don't know if it will as going out of town tends to stress me out.
I take my meds every morning and I am starting to think they aren't working as well as they should, but I am on the highest dose possible for my med. I'm afraid to change meds due to side effects, and this one I'm on has the lowest possible side effects, according to my psychiatrist. Plus I don't want to have to have the interim period between going off my current med and the most effective treatment on a new med. Plus that interim period could cause my depression to get worse and another hospital stay. I don't know what the right solution is for me.
Maybe I am just destined to live in the psych ward the rest of my life because my depression won't ever get better. That just sounds like torture, but maybe that's where I'm destined to be. It's hard enough living life but then having to worry about the hospital makes life even more difficult.
your not a failure, if you chose to put your feet on the ground every morning your not a failure. Ive felt this same way and i know how difficult it is to keep going but as long as you keep putting your feet on the ground you are succeeded.
That's really frustrating! It does definitely depend on the medication how easy it is to switch. Some you can cross taper or directly just switch out, but some do need that wash out. The medication I'm on requires a fairly long wash out and I'd probably have to be in the hospital. And for me, I've already tried all of them so I don't have any options. But sometimes a different medication makes all the difference, tbh! Every person's metabolism and brain chemistry is clearly a little different so it makes sense. Usually the recommendation is switching primary agents before adding a second one, because of this aspect. And you'd certainly rather just be on one med for the sake of side effects and risks! But it's possible if you really don't want to switch your primary antidepressant that your doctor would be willing to just add a low dose of something to augment? Side effects are so frustrating. I suppose for me it feels like I don't really have much of a choice. It's either be dead or deal with it. I'd like to get off the medication I'm on now; it's got a lot of food interactions, impairs my sleep, increases my anxiety, made me gain 30 lbs that I cannot take off, makes my sex life crap. But on the other hand, I've tried SO many other things and this has kept me alive and out of the hospital for almost 4 years. It's a trade off!
I'm afraid that if I do the medication change I'll end up in the hospital again, and I cannot afford that with my job and paychecks and time off. I have no time off allotted as I've spent it all due to multiple doctor appointments. I just can't end up in the hospital again. But, I am also afraid that I'm going to end up in the hospital with my current medication, so I don't know what to do. I guess that means I should speak with my psychiatrist and see what he says.
Hi! Yes, discuss all this with your psychiatrist. Never change meds without consulting your providers. It sounds like you aren't on the right med or dose, so let the professional help you That's what they're paid the big bucks for!
Kicking ourselves out of a depression can feel almost impossible, especially if we're trying to do it alone. I am a year older than you, and I have 2 people in my life at the moment. This is new, as I have always had lots of friends and resources around me. It's not a bad thing, it's a cleansing and positive thing in the long run, but it's also a tough thing. Depression + being alone + holidays = worse depression. And then you sprinkle in childhood traumas to add a little spice to the holidays, and you have yourself a merry ol' time!
The holidays can suck. And they suck for a lot of people. That's not to diminish the amount of suck yours sucks, but to help you realize you're not alone. Because being alone sucks. Humans aren't supposed to be alone, as a species. We thrive in tribes, when raised by villages. So, if I were you, I would lean into cyber-friends like us. Do some volunteer work and get into the community, even if it's signing up for one shift at a soup kitchen. Adopt an abandoned pup. Find a new hobby and dive deep into it!
OH! and meditate...it only took me 30 years of hearing it to finally realize they were right...it really does work.
The thing about my medicine is that I'm on the highest dose possible and I also take another one to supplement my primary antidepressant. But, I'm also on a very high dose of the secondary medicine. I'm just afraid of getting bad again where I end up in the hospital. I don't want to end up in the hospital again.
I have this computer game that I like yet I'm terrible at it, so I have been trying to focus on getting better at the game. I have gotten back into this website since my therapist mentioned it. This thread has helped me out knowing I'm not the only one dealing with this and that there are people that understand the difficult decisions it is with medication and self-care and so on.
I am also single 40+. Alone in holidays. My family just doesn't get MH. I spent Thanksgiving alone. Ive done it before but this year is awful. Being alone in holidays the most magical time is hard. Try planning little things to keep mood up. If you can do a special something for you. I love the idea of Christmas but being alone misunderstood with a MH disease sucks. Stay strong. You aren't only only one. If you run into a bad night warmlines are a great support. Google it.
The holidays are hard for a lot of people so know that you are not alone. It’s ok to feel the holiday blues- I think admitting it is healthy instead of ignoring it.
This year will be my first without my mom, my second with my aunt that I was so close to, and I know several close friends with parents in the hospital not doing well at all.
I try not to put too much pressure on myself, I stick to a routine and pretty much “trick” my kind into thinking it’s just another day.
Who says that you have to celebrate?? Perhaps you do something that you want to do - that is not typical of the holiday
I try to think and write down and remind myself of what I am grateful for.
I talk myself out of the pit- I look at others who are in far worse place than me.
Depression is a serious illness and for me it requires a plan- not just one thing. I have better days when I stick to my plan. My mental health is so very important. Know your triggers, and fight against them
Thank you for your words. It's just difficult since my entire extended family is in the area, and it's a big family. We always do stuff together for the holidays. I guess Thanksgiving didn't go as bad as I thought it would... I at least did not have to call 988 or a warmline.
Hi FootballFan. I've had Major Depression for a long time. Here's some of the things that I find helpful during stressful times:
I will write/draw a journal on a scrap piece of paper, and then scribble all over it, then tear it into pieces! Let's a little of the restless energy out.
I like to take walks in festive places. Even if it's just window shopping and not going inside. Smile at a stranger every once in a while. If I'm brave, I'll compliment someone's scarf or jewelry. Or I'll keep walking until I get to see a dog or cat.
If Im feeling disconnected from someone in particular, I'll send them a funny picture I took, either of an animal or during a walk. Don't have to add much just a little "thought of you!"
Thanks for your words. My struggle is that I'm physically disabled, and I need someone to drive me when I go somewhere. So, it is hard for me to get out around people. But, I have tried reaching out to my Facebook friends and sometimes that works.
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That's what they're paid the big bucks for!
I am feeling hopeless
I don't want to live anymore 
Where Are My People?
Decisions
at a dead end
