High functioning adult with treatment resistant major depression.

[LoveLakesandDogs]

Hello,

I am a professional in the mental health field. I am currently suffering from the worst depression I have experienced. I am on antidepressants, mood stabilizers, hormone replacement therapy, thyroid medicine, and receiving Spravato. I see a therapist, a psychiatrist and a work coach. I have done EMDR and even tried acupuncture. I’m not suicidal but can’t figure out how to keep functioning while suffering from the worst mental and visceral pain.

I’m not looking for all the answers. I just want to talk to other high functioning professional adults who live with major depression yet continue to function on a day to day basis without dying by suicide.

Thank you

[Roxywizardofoz]

I have no answers. I’m so sorry to hear my own story told by you! I retired. I’m advocating now for the medically assisted dying for ppl with mental health problems in older adults. 65 plus. Try to focus on what brought you joy previously. I was a trauma therapist. Maybe we deal with too many ppl problems! Do take care

[bluejay67 in reply to Roxywizardofoz]

Thank you for doing this advocacy work. If I had more brain cells I would advocate for medically assisted dying for people over the age of 50.

[jnelson66]

this is all my world check our pulverize the stigma and email me

[Ryanlion]

Hello , some one emailed me to talk about psychotherapy because i had it for 2 years. Firstly i have been in your position and nothing much helped and all i could do was think about suicide. I did not want to die but i could not live in torture either. I tried a shit load of medication bearly helping me including tranquilisers. I did have psychotherapy a long time ago on NHS. And it was so helpful. I would certanly recommend it, if your in ths right place. The first thing i decided was what ever happened, I wasnt going to take my own life, i promised i wouldnt and this took the despair & pressure off. Next i tried acupuncture and stuff like you. No good. Its very important to get in touch with frozen feelings that have not been expressed such as anger, grief, sadnesd etc . You may need a good psychotherapist with this. I dont know your situation fully but i felt better once i expressed my childhood stuff. Huge grief. Then lately i tried Rapid Transformational Therapy , its a type of hypnosis with NLP.Marisa Peers teaches it, would be worth looking into it for you. It has helped me but i need more sessions at £400 a session. Its expensive. If you do try it make sure you get a therapist that has qualified and practiced a while. Remember this will not last forever althougn your mind will tell you it will. i dont know if you are spiritual or religious but have you heard of the Dark Night of the Soul. Check it out.

You could be going through something like this. Things that may help

prayer - get people to pray for you.

Havening.

Diet

Exercise

Self help groups

Do not give up, when you are able scroll through Youtube. Lots of help there. Try not to lose hope or be frightened because with time and the right help you will make it. Unfortunately it not a quick process and there are others like us walking this road. All my hope for you xx

[R1mahem]

I can relate to this. I'm about the same age, a MH professional and I've had depression since childhood really. I'm also experiencing a lot of pain this year. I feel like it's the first winter the cold has affected my physical health. I used to take anti-depressants, but they made me super flat and detached. They didn't alleviate the depression. Instead, I felt it was walking beside me at all times. I'm currently using the brain stimulation device from FW (fisherwallace.com/) for 2 years and it does help if I make the time to use it. It does help to stimulate my brain. I've described my depression as almost feeling like my brain is dead or not firing on all cylinders. I've also started low dose ketamine therapy through Mindbloom, and this has helped me feel "lighter" if that makes sense. It does seem like it's easier to engage socially after taking this medication. I'm prescribed 60mg and I break it up into two doses- am and pm. It does not make me feel "high." That was my biggest concern.

I live close to Canada by the great lakes and its freezing where I'm located. I'm also socially isolated. I live in a very small farming community and if I want to engage in any cultural activities, it's at least an hour drive. People here are not transplants and have friends they've made since childhood. No one is really interested in forming ne connections. I know that I need more social connection to help with my depression. I wish we had something like the Women's Institute in England. A place where you can meet other women that's often arranged around a learning activity. I'm also not much of a church goer. I've even tried going to churches around here. My husband travels often for work and I'd have to go alone or with the kids and I feel like the church members treated me as a pariah, especially the women. They treated me like I was trying to steal their husband or something.

I know life changes need to happen, such as possibly moving to a warmer climate, but my kids are in middle school and high school and not interested in upping sticks at this time.

Please feel free to message me with any questions or suggestions you might have. I am looking for connection with likeminded individuals as well.

[LoveLakesandDogs in reply to R1mahem]

Thank you so much for replying. I feel like I can relate to your experiences. I am interested in the Fisher Wallace device. I bought a light box to help with the winter depression but don’t feel like it has been as helpful. I need to use it more.

I appreciate your response, as I feel like I am becoming a burden to friends and family who cannot even remotely conceptualize what thi depression feels like. Thank you!

[R1mahem in reply to LoveLakesandDogs]

I also have a light box! I lived in Alaska for 13 years and started using it when I lived there. If I use it consistently, it helps "jazz" me up a bit. I put it on for about 15 minutes Monday-Friday when I log onto my computer in the morning. It feels like a lot of work goes into managing my chronic depression; just like someone with a chronic health issues like diabetes have to continually manage there condition. Depression is an invisible disease and people just don't get invisible diseases.

Another thing I've been stronger at in the past and really need to start implementing again is a daily activity/ to do list. If I don't have a plan, I will lay in bed all day. It really bothers me when I do this because I have kids ages 10-12 and I feel so guilty. If I have a list of things I want to get done and do that day, I will complete the list. And it's not all dishes, cleaning the bathroom, not fun tasks. I will put on the list things like sing for five minutes, get a coffee from the new coffee shop the next town over, dance for 10 minutes, stretch, go outside in the cold weather for 1/2 hour. I know it might sound simplistic, but when I'm depressed, I completely forget that I have a choice in the way I want to be and how I can impact my mood positively.

[Beavis2022]

Hi, I;m no professional, but have been treated for depression for about 30 years - taken all the drugs, counseling, ect. I believe I was born this way, and had an abusive childhood as well. I've heard it said that depression is catchy - if you're with depressed people all the time, then this might become the way you think. Maybe this is happening to you? We all have our share of losses and hurts to blame, as well.