Yeah, that can be how I do things. I give up and don't try for a while. The excuses I give myself are numerous and can even seem relevant to the outside, but I know the truth, I know I'm just BSing myself, lying to make myself appear better to others than I ever am inside myself.
I'm in a depressed state of mind, and I can give reasons for this, but I'd rather have a few suggestions on how I can alleviate at least some of this aggressive pressure.
I'll thank anyone now, for any help they might offer to me.
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I'm sorry to hear that, and can relate. For what it's worth in my experience, the exhaustion comes from perfectly logical reasons. It's hard but I guess I'd say try to be kind to yourself about that stuff. Building a better you when super depressed is a full-time job, or at least my therapist says so heh. Juggling that on top of regular life stuff is impressive in its own right, and anything you're able to do for the better is a victory when it does happen
Hi 4merBassistMedic! I have a pretty good idea with what you must be dealing with regarding the trauma response you’re referring to. I still have nightmares after years of retirement. Hang in there. If gets a little easier with time. I’m always checking in here throughout the day so message me when and if you’d like to. I can offer tips on how I’ve been managing the condition. Stay strong!
Please share how you are managing depression I'm at my wit's end. My meds don't work and I am slowly weaning myself off safely I've taken them for 18 years I'm done. I'm going for a more holistic approach by practicing yoga Tai Chi meditation breathing exercises going outside and just getting the sunshine on my face. I laid in this bed for a week straight and didn't go to work because of this debilitating depression I've been depressed 4 years straight now since before covid started and we had just moved into a beautiful 55 and over community that I didn't even enjoy properly because all I did was lay around and try to sleep day in and day out night and day laying there closing my eyes and a dark room by myself. Join covid I went to cognitive behavioral therapy which helps a bit and then I did Psychotherapy with a therapist who was so empathetic I loved him but he didn't practice in Pennsylvania where I moved to recently because I lost my job then I lost my place to live and now I live in my sister's basement. The only place I have left to go is up from here cuz depression brought me to my knees this year. There has to be a reason that I'm going through all of this it seems like one thing after another but what could break any other couple has not done that to my husband and I and I'm so grateful I have him as a support I don't know what I'd do without him he's a wonderful man. I make sure I tell him on a regular basis that my depression has absolutely nothing to do with him or my love for him and I wish that just the love and general was enough to get me up in the morning he actually threatened to leave and move to Florida without me to try to motivate me to get me out of bed and that didn't even work and then he said that night that he didn't mean it and he would never leave me but he didn't know what to do he was at his Wit's End and he cried I felt so terrible. We have a beautiful cat Bella who is our kid with paws and we love her so very much. I am grateful for the roof over my head for my husband and for Bella and for my sister allowing us to live here she didn't need to do that but she did and I am grateful for her and her son that lives here too. I'm going to start each day with a dose of positive thinking and bringing grateful for the things that I have instead of the things that I don't. Have a good one
I haven't begun to understand this level of grief yet. I live by the minute, not trying to accept the loss just yet, but knowing that it has taken place and has no interactive way for me to reverse what it means in the length that I might have to my life.
I can love a person, and ignore the rate at which time moves along, and then, one day, looking at my gray hairs and wondering where they came from so quickly, it hits me, that I'm not static, I'm moving right along with time as it moves along!
I wish I had a formula to offer to myself, let alone anyone else. I'm going to live into this grief and sorrow, and hope that at some point, I won't feel so crushed under its weight. Yes, I'll try techniques because I'm seeking not to hurt so much, but nothing is going to be the "win over it all" answer.
I hope that anyone who is experiencing grief and loss can sooner rather than later, pick up their pieces and form a whole that works for them.
I don't know if I'll ever get there again, at my age, I'm not even sure that I should try.
"62" might not seem that old to some, but my life has not been lived quietly. My life has had upheavals and blasts and explosions and damages that have taken a serious toll on my emotional health too.
Maybe I won't use this loss and grief as an excuse to "check myself out of life", but I can't say that I won't either.
I know I didn't offer anything to use per se, but I can't lie to you, and pretend that grief isn't hard for some of us to overcome.
Hi there I'm so sorry for the losses that you have endured throughout your lifetime. My brother Bobby passed away when I was 12 years old and he was only 31 on New Year's Day in 1981. This loss was devastating for me to accept and properly deal with as I grieved my brother for 38 years. Doing this stunted my own emotional growth and every year in December I would actually schedule my grief. I joined a group called Unschackled from Depression and Anxiety ran by Pastor Benita Lawrence and she was able to allow me to see that God does not want us to grieve for one minute more than what is allotted that's why people have funeral services and sit Shiva and things like that to say goodbye to their loved ones and properly move forward in their own healing process. I never did that and definitely needed to break that vicious cycle of repeatedly going through the death again crying over it Etc. and it was so horrible to go through for me repeatedly over and over again each year. Pastor Benita Lawrence wrote a book called it's okay to grieve which I read to help me process my brother's death properly and finally leave it behind I somehow felt underneath that if I stopped grieving him that that meant I didn't love him in some way and that's just not true it was irrational thinking. Since losing Bobby also lost my father in 1990 and my mother in 2004 but I was more equipped to handle that even though the deaths were sudden.
I am extremely depressed as well as dealing with intense physical pain that keeps me fairly immobile. Before chronic physical pain and now sciatica were interfering with my exercise coping mechanism for depression that’s how I coped, exercise. Now exercise is not an option at least not aerobic exercise. Before the pandemic shut everything down I cared for my dying mother then I got the call. My husband of twenty years had died. It’s nearly impossible to move without excruciating physical pain. To answer your question with all this now I don’t cope with depression. I accept it. This is the lowest my life has been as far as depression and physical pain is concerned. I’m nearly completely alone in life now. I just push myself to move regardless of the intensity of my physical pain. For me, prayer helps and when I can chat with compassionate people on here it helps somewhat. I keep a gratitude list in my mind and say them out loud everyday because I’ve learned through all of this that it can always get worse. I’m here if you ever need or want to chat. I need empathetic people to chat with as we all seem to. Take care of yourself and keep that list of things you can be grateful for in your mind and if needed on paper to remind yourself that you do still have things to be grateful for.
I understand what you mean by this. I can't even see my chest for the emotional water I'm standing in right now.
I know that there might not be a lot of solutions I'd be willing to see right now, let alone try to use. But I know that discussing it makes it more tolerable for me, less like a weight I have to carry without an audience at least, to see that I'm trying to live it. Like a weightlifter who is training alone for the competition, and needs the motivation that someone cares that he's even trying.
I am so very sorry for the losses you have had to endure. I've lost my mother, my brother and my father too. I don't know how I would ever deal if something happened to my husband, Paul. I am simply in awe of those who can somehow find a way to cope with the loss of their spouse. I know that day will come but to be honest I pray I pass away first because I couldn't bare to go through that to somehow find joy without my Paul here with me. He's the reason for living for me most days.
It might help you when the time comes if you work on emotional independence now. It doesn’t need to be without loving Paul but maybe you’ll be able to cope more effectively if you have a habit of engaging yourself in activities that bring you comfort as an individual as well as with him. Just what I wish I had done before losing them. They were my world. Now I need to establish my own emotional satisfaction alone. It’s all a growing experience. We never stop learning in life, as I see it.
I used to love to paint in college so I'm thinking about getting back into that and I love to sing too so those are two things I do independently for the time being and I'll think of other ideas as well I know that my husband's cousin said that he likes to make jewelry and I thought that idea was cool too. I will save the radio station for the togetherness activity as we need to focus on that as a couple and a Duo and a team you know what I mean cuz we're in that together which is awesome. Paul and I enjoy each other's company a lot but he enjoys riding his electronic bike on his own it makes me nervous when he goes out though his old bike used to go 45 miles an hour and I said if you hurt yourself I'm going to be so upset but he's responsible when he rides it. I also have a trike of my own so I can bike ride alone too. Thank you so much for your much valued advice and I agree it must be hard for you to forge this path for yourself on your own now and I appreciate you caring enough to tell me to do it and start it now. Somebody told me once that it looked like I lost my own identity at times because I would not say or speak of myself as a single person I would always say my husband Paul's wife or is a couple you know what I mean so I guess this is something I need to work on to forge more Independence for myself. Thank you so much for your reply and you have an awesome day. Will chat soon take care of yourself wishing you peace and well-being.
I have several responses to a statement like this....the main response that I have is that the only time you truly fail.....is when you completely quit trying....sometimes we have enough energy to climb a mountain......sometimes it's all we can do to move from the bed to the living room....let alone get anything accomplished...we need to stop looking at it as a pass fail....and we need to quit caring about what other people think....just do you....what ever you can do that day....if you moved a mountain......good for you....if you moved a finger good for you.....again sometimes it's getting through today to try again tomorrow....just do what you can,...
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Struggling with MDD for decades
A quote that has finally turned the only feelings I've ever known into words 
All MDD Patients There Is HOPE: Watch this 
feeling lost
