I'm Tired of Being a Loser

[Worlds_Worst_Writer]

I don't know how this is supposed to work, but I'm going to give it a try. As the title says, I'm tired of being a loser. I've been one my whole life, and I don't see that changing. I can't make friends, let alone meet somebody, and I'm so lonely and depressed I cry almost all the time. I've gone through so many therapists over the years, and none of them seem to understand the depth of my depression. My most recent therapist tried CBT with me, but how am I supposed to replace a negative thought with positive ones when all I have are negative? I don't know what to do anymore.

[Cookie2217]

Your not the world's worst writer or a loser. You have depression and it's telling you to beat up on yourself and self loathe. I do that all the time. I isolate and try and sleep night and day because I think that there is nothing to look forward too. I need to begin journaling again to get those negative thoughts out in the open so I can deal with my emotions. Have you tried journaling ever? I find it very helpful. I also practice slow breathing method where you breathe in for 5 seconds and then hold it for 6 seconds and then breathe out slowly for 7 seconds for anxiety. I'm diagnosed with major depressive disorder and PTSD and adjustment disorder. I've been on multiple medications to try to combat the depression episodes. I've been in a depressive episode for the past 5 years since before covid in 2020. It's been the toughest of my entire life. I been in online cbt therapy but don't think it really helped much. Then in 2023 found an excellent psychologist Dr. Nover who was extremely helpful, warm, inviting and I was able to successfully complete that therapeutic process and service. Since then, I lost my job, my house and had a resort to living in my sister's basement for 7 months which was absolute torture. She never wanted us there and made sure we knew it everyday. Things came to a head and we've been out on our own for a while now 7 months and struggling to make it. It's scary. Trying to find a job that I love so living in Pennsylvania doesn't suck so much. We had to up and leave our friends and everything we knew due to our financial situation and just been looking hard for sustainable full-time work as I'm the Breadwinner in my family. It's up to me if my husband and I make it or not. Hopefully we'll get some sort or brake. One has to come our way sooner or later. Hope you feel better soon. Hang in there. Ok

[Worlds_Worst_Writer in reply to Cookie2217]

I'm no Paula Nancy Millstone Jennings (Shout out to everyone who knows who she is), but the one thing I want in my life is to publish a successful book. If my life would have gone to plan, I wouldn't be in a MFA program trying to get my degree. I wanted a family that I could have dedicated my life to, but it didn't happen. Now I feel like I'm grasping at straws and do something that has a one in a billion shot of working, because I want to feel like I accomplished something in my life. I've worked it into my mind that if I could do something like publish a book, then I would matter. So, will I have a successful book, probably not. Will it get published at all, again probably not. I'm sorry those things happened to you, and I know living like that is hard on a relationship, but you have the trust and support of your partner and take solace in that. Don't let that fall apart, because the world is a much darker place with out a good, honest person by your side.

[Pennygirl5]

We all know how this feels. Please take it one day, one hour, one minute at a time. First take a shower. Then get dressed. Then eat something healthy. Take a walk or go for a drive. I know it sounds like the same old stuff, but it really does work. Ive been divorced for 11 years, and recently my 2 grown children have moved out into their own lives!! I’m alone most of the time. It is sometimes difficult, lonely, whatever your word is for it. But you have value and purpose I recently went to the movies alone and it was great. Keep going, you got this!

[Chofum in reply to Pennygirl5]

I know how you feel, you are not alone

[Worlds_Worst_Writer in reply to Pennygirl5]

Four years ago, I set out to change my life by being more active and trying to make friends, but I failed to do so. People treated me with disrespect by either lying to me or ghosting me. I took several suggestions on pursuing my hobbies and interest, but nothing came of it. I didn't think I was asking for much to make one solid friend, but I guess I was. I wasn't even hoping to be their best friend. I just wanted someone who I could talk to and to have a common bond with. And let's not get into relationships. I am a fat, ugly man, that no woman wants to be seen with let alone be considered romantic with. I don't have a thread of hope left.

[Depressed_Individual]

I am so sorry you are suffering so much. Your pain sounds unbearable. I don’t think you are a loser. I have like one friend and cry all the time. I don’t feel like a loser. Are you close with your family at all? I think that you are being too hard on yourself. I am sure you have a lot of good qualities. Try to be gentle with yourself. Don’t give up. Keep fighting. I believe in you. Take care

[Worlds_Worst_Writer in reply to Depressed_Individual]

I'm a scientist, and as such, we look for patterns in our results. If I keep striking out with different people all the time, I'm the common element that causes everything to fail. I know psychology has conformation bias, but how can it not be true if it keeps happening. I'm getting to a point where I'm tired of trying different things.