Am I depressed or just feeling sorry for myself?

[catlovingman]

In the late 1990s I had a series of life events that involved bereavement, business & financial and marital issues which ended up with me taking Prozac for a few months whilst I got my act back together. I can only vaguely remember the 2 years whilst I was 'down' and before I started treatment, but I often refer to it as my 'minor nervous breakdown'. I was able to continue working but I was generally 'pretty f**ked up'.

I'm now a bit worried that I'm heading back there again. The last few years have been very hard (in no particular order!! ) - aging and illness in close family, business difficulties (like the rest of the world) , close friends moving away, a couple of my cats have die din the last 2 years, failed fertility treatments, debt issues. I'm also carrying a lot of responsibility for my partner who suffers from anxiety and depression (that also makes it difficult for me to share my worries because it makes hers worse). There have been good things as well, I should add!

Anyway - I'm finding it hard to get motivated, have quite a few aches and pains, irritability, I feel down a lot, waste time online, get weepy and tearful easily, sleep well but am constantly tired / apathetic / lethargic. Physically reasonable health - bp is a bit high but I'm taking medication and a couple of years ago I had thyroid problems, but they were fixed and my most recent blood tests show all is well. I don't drink, smoke or do drugs. I'm a regular Church goer, and have afew hobbies that I really don't pursue. I have managed to get a few things done - a little ebook completed and submitted to Amazon, for example - but this is definitely not the me I'm used to. This morning I sat and cried for 5 minutes for no good reason.

So...am I depressed or do I just need to man-up, or is it both?

[missrat]

I would certainly think that a visit for your GP is called for. The combination of things might be resolved by professional counselling (probably short-term), and possibly medication.

It is certainly not a case of jst having to 'man-up' and bear it.

[hedgecrone]

It's far too harsh to suggest you need to 'man up' and I'd agree with missrat that you definitely need to see your GP. Don't be tempted to minimise the suffering you experience or its effects. The GP isn't there to judge you, or how you feel. You need support and help from the GP, and I am wondering if your partner is in receipt of any help in that direction? Is she on medication or having therapy or counselling? If not, discuss that as a matter or priority along with your own support.

After everything that's happened to you, you must be emotionally and physically exhausted and wrung out. You need respite and support to be able to deal with it and address any problems or issues that need input. You have insight and you don't want things to get any worse - make sure your GP knows that and maybe print out your post to show them - plus any replies if you feel it's warranted. I wish you well.

[catlovingman]

Thanks folks - much appreciated.

Missrat - I had some counselling in the 1990s, and found it minimally useful - I sort of knew what I should be doing and where my problems were, but found it hard to get some of the major issues - debt, business problems, etc. fixed....

Hedgecrone - yes, my OH is on medication and is pretty stable these days, although she suffers from anxiety and occasional PTSD episodes related to stuff that happened to her a long time ago. She doesn't want further and won't have counselling - I've always been her 'shoulder' so to say and I think that that doesn't help either of us.

Thanks so much for your input!

[catlovingman]

Just a quick update - I got off my arse a bit this week and started swimming again, which I've always enjoyed. I'm still a bit of an emotional minefield but have agreed with my wife that if I don't feel a little more together by mid-September I'm off to the GP.....

[anniebooty]

thats great well done for starting swimming again

[Amy01]

Hi catlovingman,

I know where you're coming from with those thoughts and feelings, had them so many times I've lost count! On that again at the moment.

I am on meds, and I also love swimming. Exercise can be a great help to your mental health, especially if it's something you like. It raises your serotonin levels (the happy hormone) and wearing yourself out physically can make sleeping easier and make your mind feel clearer.

I find the best way to do things is when you least want to, if that makes sense? Like getting up in the morning to take the dog out, for example, you tell yourself you're too tired, and can't be bothered, so you push yourself out of bed and do it anyway!

Amy x

[Hidden in reply to Amy01]

How do you manage to download a smile onto this website as I think that's a lovely idea! Suex

[Hidden]

Hi, I am sorry to read about your feeling low and weepy, but it does sound as if you have had an enormous amount to cope with during the past few years. Those things will have put you under so much stress, so it's not suprising that you are feeling the effects. Well done for the e-book on Amazon, I'm full of admiration for you You can't be deeply depressed, but it does sound as if you need some support. If you are comfortable with your GP I would have a chat about whether you do need meds, but I would definitely ask for referral to a counsellor so you can talk things through and clarify for yourself what help you might need if any. You're obviously functioning really well in general terms despite the emotions and meds may make you feel you are more 'sick' than you actually are. Hope you feel better soon, Suex

[catlovingman]

Hi all,

Thanks secondhandrose - I've wondered about a counsellor but my previous experience with counselling wasn't that useful....but I'll see....

Amy01 - yup - soemthies dragging yourself from the pit and getting something done is THE way to do it - I often find that once the inertia is broken, things pick up.

To give a quick progress report, I've picked up somewhat over the last few weeks but really hit a bad patch this last weekend. I'm hoping that it was just a one-off setback - I feel better emotionally this morning, even though an old foot injury has kicked off again with a vengeance, so I reckon I must be a bit better!