I feel like something is wrong with me but I don't know what

Hi everyone! This is my first post here and I'm a bit nervous. For the past few months I have been feeling really weird. I feel like there's something wrong with me mentally but at the same time I feel like I'm being really over dramatic. I don't even really even know how to explain how I feel. I have recently been very overwhelmed with the thought of how useless I am. Last semester was my first semester of college and I did horrible. I feel like I'm throwing away my mother's money and time. The new semester started two weeks ago and I try really hard to motivate myself to do better but everything is just so hard for me to handle mentally. A few months ago my boyfriend wanted to break up with me because he just didn't feel happy in the relationship. In the end we fixed things and are still together but I get so paranoid that he is going to want to leave me again. He has reassured me several times that he is happy now and that I shouldnt worry but I think about it every day. Every time he seems uninterested in talking to me or something I instantly assume he is getting bored and that I'm not good enough. My boyfriend is basically my only friend. I have pushed everyone away in the past 5 years. It's really hard for me to make new friends. I feel like I don't connect with anyone and I feel like there's always something better than me. Why would anyone want to be friends with me when there is probably someone better. I'm really hard to get along with I guess. I don't really know. Also when ever people try to get to know me I just get really awkward and weird. It's really hard for me to talk to people. I'm scared to contact some of my friends I'm usually close with because I feel like their lives are so much better than mine and they are always doing important things or doing things with other people. All these thoughts constantly overwhelm me. I'm always worried and I feel like there's always something that has to go wrong in my life. There is never a time where I can just be happy. There is always something to worry about and it makes me feel nuts. My brain is consumed with so many thoughts and worries and I feel like it's just going to explode. I worry to the point where I just end up feeling apathetic. I don't even know if that makes sense. There have been a few times where I have thought about suicide. Sometimes I just really want to leave all these problems behind and the only way I can truly escape from everything including myself is if I die. I don't know what I'm feeling but I'm just so tired of crying and worrying. I don't know what to do and I feel like I'm going insane. Do you guys think there is something wrong with me? I have done a lot of research on disorders and I have tried really hard to not self diagnose myself. I have considered seeking professional help but I don't even know if there is truly something wrong with me. I don't want to go in and waste someone's time. All these "problems" I talked about can't even compare to things other people have faced. I know other people have dealt with much worse. Please let me know if you think I'm just dramatic or if you think there truly could be something wrong with me. I'm sorry if I offended anyone in any way and I'm sorry this post is very long. Thanks guys.

4 Replies

  • Hi :)

    Firstly, I would definitely go and seek professional help. You're definitely not wasting their time, it's their job! It's best to tackle whatever it is now rather than constantly waiting not getting anywhere.

    I went through a similar situation whilst in my first year of University. I recently got diagnosed with an anxiety and depression disorder and was going through a breakup with my girlfriend who I'd been with for 3 years. I felt like there was no way I could possibly get through it, but believe me, you do.

    One thing people tend to do is always focussing on the negative. One of the most useful tasks I have continued to do is just writing down 4-5 good things that I did that day no matter how small. For example: 'Spoke to somebody I wouldn't usually speak to', 'Didn't eat any unhealthy foods', 'Started reading more'. Just always focus on the positive things you do even if you think there aren't any. There is always something. It's the small things you start doing now that build up over time.

    The simple things you can do to help out at the moment will be to sample different hobbies to find something you really enjoy doing and find something to throw yourself into. Start taking exercise classes at the gym, yoga is pretty good for de-stressing.

    Believe me, I know it's not easy at all and it can seem like a long road before things start to comeback together again, but the key is never to give in. You only get one life. Don't take it too seriously. Find things to laugh about, even if it's for no reason. Just smile. Remember you aren't the only one feeling like this. There are plenty of people who are struggling, so know that you're not alone.

    Good luck in your journey! You'll find the answers to your problems :).

  • I'm replying as a 40 odd year old mother looking at your situation from the outside who thinks they may be depressed but will worry about that later...Reading your post I think you are experiencing the usual anxieties that someone of your age will have considering that you are having so much to deal with at the moment. You have studies to do, and are having to make new friends on top of that. If you are alone for a while, make the most of it. You can be yourself, do what you want to do without having anyone else's opinion affecting that. If you are a bit weird or unusual then revel in it because so many people are boring/bored/annoying/trying to be popular/ignorant of depression/happy. When you are a little depressed all this seems out of reach but you have to find your own way of being yourself. It doesn't mean that you are lacking in anyway, it just means that you haven't yet coped with the situation you are in.

    However, all the symptoms you describe are so typical of full on depression that you should see a G.P and tell them how you feel. It isn't weird or unusual to do this and they won't judge you. You will probably feel better for telling someone how you feel. A friend of mine (who was the funniest and most outgoing of our group of mates), went to Uni and fell into such a depression that she had to give it all up and start again. And she is now an extremely successful professional and happily married person that it makes me jealous.

    Forget the boyfriend: believe me, if he doesn't make you laugh then don't bother.


  • God bless you, you seem absolutely lovely. I don't know why nobody would want to be your friend!

    I do think that you may have depression and a little of anxiety but I am not a doctor so don't quote me on that. I think you should make an appointment with your GP and just explain everything like you just did with us. Get everything off your chest. If you cry, that's fine too because it's real and it's true.

    I know you were saying you felt as though you had nobody, but if you need anybody to talk to please message me. I hope you feel better soon xxx

  • Hi,

    If you want to make your life simple then you must practice to let go of those worries. I know it is very easy to say this but it's how I managed to get better. Your worries contribute to your negativity so it's no use having them stuck in your mind. they will only increase stress and anxiety leading to depression. try to let go of these.

    With regards to your boyfriend I can understand he is someone special in your life but you must learn to trust him if you want build on that commitment and try to let go of the attachment. Go out, have a good laugh and talk about each other's issues, or how the day went, but you have to accept that we all have our own journeys to make in life. we meet people, friends, partners, play a part in each other's lives and sad to say but we move on from each other. There's nothing wrong with that it's just become part of human nature because no one is perfect. from that departure learn to take away the positive from it that would make you wiser, stronger and better person but never hold onto the negative aspect.

    If you have issues making friends then consider what you can do to make that a better situation for yourself. you're at college, for example, do you like theatre acting? suppose if you asked about joining a theatre club, that would help you make friends, no doubt they will go out for meals, have a laugh, build your self esteem, and help you balance your social life, with studies and your relationship. Some colleges and uni's do have theatres. you may not like theatres but the concept is there that try to find something that is interesting to you, maybe its something you never done, and use that to help yourself. voluntary is always another aspect often overlooked. I did just over year's work at a animal rescue centre as a handy man while i was out of work fighting depression and it's the best time i spent.

    Like you, I suffered from anxiety myself, and lacked skills to make friends, but as i mentioned, i let go of the worries one by one, that made me feel relaxed and slowly I'm getting better at socialising, not worrying at the slightest of things but it's not an easy journey but steady does it. I realized that doing this I'm learning more about myself and nurturing myself how to be calm and relaxed than learning about the society outside. i feel that is the key.

    The aim is to keep your mind as simple as possible, don't worry about little things like how to make friends, practice to let go of worries by finding ways to counteract them with a solution, and practice it, never give up and be determined that you will overcome your gremlins.

    if you want to talk further then we are all here to help.

You may also like...