Someone please help

[winternight]

I am very anxious and scared right now. This worry and past thoughts are killing me. I am trying to distract, but I don't really have anyone, I live with my family but they can't know or understand, I have to pretend to be normal with them, doing the daily chores. I am really feeling very bad and I can't sleep, I can't stay awake. I don't have an appetite. I don't want to get up. But I have to do some forcibly. Someone please help, I can't be alone right now. I just want to cry

[Nathalie99 Partner]

Hi winternight,

It is very scary to have a panic attack, I had one this afternoon. It was unbearable.

People who haven't experienced PTSD don't know what it is like and even I wouldn't have understood if I told my younger self...

I am sorry your family doesn't know and doesn't understand. At some point it might be something you need to talk about.

I reach a point where I can't push myself anymore no matter what I need to do and it's terrible having to explain that and apologize to people.

It becomes noticeable and at that point something needs to change.

I have had a bad sleep this week and feel tired but have so much fear.

I know we can only do our best at any given time even if it's just breathing...

Sending my support and hope...

[winternight in reply to Nathalie99]

Yeah, I understand the anxiety much more now. I do need someone who can support, and it will get noticeable to my family but the thing is even if I tell them, they won't understand, they don't really understand or have any idea about mental health. So yeah apologizing, getting irritated for stuff. And I am sorry to hear you're suffering too, and that panick attack must be hard. It's terrible to not being able to sleep as I am facing the same, since last night, it's really bad, as I recently got triggered. I wish all the prayers and happiness for you. And you're not alone, through any of it.

[Mamamichl in reply to winternight]

I totally get your issues. I tried to explain our mental issues to my parents. They didn’t believe us and kept triggering my partner and my ptsd, which ended up making my family homeless since June. My parents are not only misunderstanding but toxic. Calling me and my partner names and even creating lawsuits with our mental health disabilities. I haven’t had a good night sleep since June either, since I worry about my kid and myself constantly. I’ve had so many days of dark thoughts, that I think I’m only still on this existence because of my partner and my daughter.

If you have the ability, seek mental health help without your family knowing. Learn some grounding techniques to try to work through, even though it’s easier said than done in the beginning.

[winternight in reply to Mamamichl]

That sounds really bad, I am sorry you have to go through all this and be around your own people getting toxic. I can't afford therapy so cannot get professional help. I will have to fight it off by myself. You don't feel alone, your existence is totally valued, and you'll get through this, we are together here. Where are you living now? Just take care of yourself and let me know

[Mamamichl in reply to winternight]

I’m staying with my cousin in an 800 square foot house with partner and child. She is being a great support, since we were looking to purchase a home, which fell through over and over. We are now looking for rentals that are big enough and affordable enough.

Community mental health (CMH) does free counseling. It may be helpful. If you are in major need atm, you can also call 988 (if in the USA). I’m sorry you can’t be honest with your family. I’m always honest to a fault and it obviously bit us in the bud a lot lately.

My dad talked us into moving 2k miles so we could help him and it lasted 10 months of constant verbal assaults. I spent the last 20 years away from them and should have stayed. Oh well. The past is in the past. Doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt.

[winternight in reply to Mamamichl]

Yeah it does. It's good that you have a supportive and loving partner. Just stick together. And you'll be a living in a beautiful house soon. I am not in US, I am from India actually. You keep hanging in there. And ping me anytime

[Mamamichl in reply to winternight]

Awe! Thank you! Today we got notice that we may be able to sign a lease for a huge rental tomorrow. Fingers crossed that this is us being able to take root and create boundaries.

[winternight in reply to Mamamichl]

That's a great news. I am really happy for you. I hope you get it soon. Let me know whatever happens and how are you doing

[1949liz]

Winter night I am so sorry that you’re feeling so scared. Do you not have a friend that you can talk to maybe a member of your family outside of the people inside your home. I agree with Nathalie it sounds like a panic attack which are very unpleasant. Maybe you can contact your Doctor Who might be able to help you. Please are you able to give us more information on your situation take great care love Liz🙏⭐️🤗

[winternight in reply to 1949liz]

I don't have a therapist, I can't afford it right now as I am a student. I can't talk to anyone in my family. There are one or two friends that could but they are far away hence the loneliness. And about my situation, I actually recently got triggered due to some stuff. I got to face it after a long time and I might will have to in future as well. I am just not prepared and very scared. There are constant disturbing thoughts, I try to keep myself distracted but these few days are very hard. I have extreme mood swings.

[1Mechanic]

sorry you feel the way you do. Sounds like you are doing a lot for your family and just a little bit for you. By that I mean, I know that faking a smile around people is hard work. Doing your chores when you have trouble getting up is extremely hard. It can take me anywhere from 5-60 minutes to get up and get going. It depends. Plus, not sleeping. This makes even your family members struggle. Have you heard or seen them when they get woken up in the middle of the night? They are all out of sorts. They will forget things, do very little, and complain about whatever it was that kept them up late or woke them up very very early.

It’s tough work. To be doing all of your daily chores while going through what you are going through. My suggestion is to do something nice for you. Take a walk, head out to an ihop, just something for you. Work hard for you too. You deserve it just as much as your family does.

Hang in there.

[winternight in reply to 1Mechanic]

Thankyou for understanding. The life at home is really hard right now. They have all the complaints that elevates my pain. I just don't feel like doing anything for myself or don't have the energy to, maybe more due to the lonely feeling. But I will try something. I will go out. Try out things. It seems you have gone through this. Let me know if it's still the case as you're not alone. Take care.