Feeling alone and hurting

[WildernessMAn]

Tonight is Sunday 09/03/2023 i acted out again tonight in my relationship addiction. Did not call anybody in my 12 step group before. I just wanted to go lone wolf. Its all i know. I dont want to justify my actions. But i would like to find support and possibly feel heard and understood by a Safe Human who wont be critical and Condemning of me. I am lonely in my shame and guilt.

[AussieNeil Moderator]

Thanks for your post WildernessMAn, which I note is significantly about how 12 step groups function in providing support and the pros and cons of going lone wolf, vs calling someone in your group or having anonymous on-line support. This group does have members with 12 step group experience, which is why I've highlighted that part of your post. (Surprisingly, among our extensive Topics list, we don't have one specifically about 12 step support groups, but there are 20 previous posts that specifically mention them healthunlocked.com/healmypt... ) We also endeavour to provide a safe place for support.

Speaking of anonymity, I note that you've previously posted locked posts, but haven't done so this time. Here's a reminder of why we encourage locked posts and how to do so (including editing unlocked posts to lock them) healthunlocked.com/healmypt...

Neil

[WildernessMAn in reply to AussieNeil]

Hey NatalieI like the meaning your prescribed to my setback. The meaning you gave help me to liberate me from the "Depreciating Message the Ego "I" gave my setback. I like your LABEL called a "Setback" and yes it doesnt erase all the hard "Inner Work" we put in striving on the Authentic Path.

Thanks for your hard inner work you are doing on yourself. That work you have acieved is a Gift to US.

YOU GO GIRL.

[Nathalie99 Partner]

Hi WildernessMAn,

I replied in private message. You are in a safe space and non judgemental...

Sometimes we have setbacks in our recovery. That happens.

It doesn't invalidate the progress you have made.

Guilt and shame are very important subjects and they could be linked to trauma.

You don't have to justify your actions. You can talk only if you want to/feel like it.

Sometimes it is hard to talk to people, even those who are supportive.

Maybe giving yourself some time and self compassion, you will feel stronger and can get back to talking to your peers at the 12 step program.

It is very tough as it is. Adding extra pressure, guilt and shame makes the process harder and longer.

Brene Brown has some good resources on the topic of Shame. Not sure if you are in a space for that but maybe having a look at some point might help regarding shame...

With support,

Nathalie

[Mamamichl]

Zen hugs and welcome. Can you clarify what you mean by “relationship addiction”? For my ex it would be calling 900 numbers and cheating. I don’t want to assume that’s what you mean. Did you not reach out to your 12 step because it’s not anonymous, but you are here? I totally get that.