does it ever go away?

[jadedqueen]

TW: SA, human trafficking, depression, suicidal feelings, anxiety, ptsd.

As someone who is “healing” from human trafficking/SA, I’m wondering if it ever gets better.

I have tried to act healed and past everything for a while, but it’s been about a year since I became free and it has just gotten worse.

Everyone around me has moved on and I’m still here, suffering. I feel as if I have no one who understands and that I feel so miserable and alone. So damaged.

I lost my zeal in life. Does it ever come back?

Will I ever be able to live again? Will I ever meet someone else who feels this way.?

[Delzek]

Hello Jadedqueen, I am honestly sorry you have had to suffer Human trafficking, My suffering is Nothing like yours but I am healing! You can as well it just doesn't happen overnight as you know. It breaks my heart when I read about Human trafficking as well as all the other abuse we as Humans have to suffer, yet its Humans who cause this. I found one way to help myself is to talk to other people (phone or Internet, I'm agoraphobic so don't go out) and by talking to others I am helping my healing as well as helping others heal, it even helps to teach people signs to look for ( of the abuse I have had to suffer) Why not try and get involved with a health worker and ask advice on how to do this Safely? You don't even have to leave your home to do this and you don't need to be in the same room either use a phone or Internet! As I say my healing is not the same as yours but I am Healing accepting that "It's not your fault, you did Nothing wrong" it's important you tell yourself that every day! You WILL Heal just give yourself time. It's my Birthday today and I'm just getting ready to go for a CT scan, I can sit here and say Why me? Or just look on the bright side ! Today is the first day of what could be a great beginning! A new year and I'm not only starting to repair mentally but my physical health is getting fixed ad well.

Good Luck and remember You Can only Heal with the right help. I know you WILL heal. Take care. Derek

[Nathalie99 Partner]

Hi jadedqueen,

I am so sorry you have been in such a traumatic situation with so much abuse and human trafficing.

I know that everyone's experience is different but I want to share some hope. I belive that it is possible although I do not know how. It is very complex and healing takes place on so many levels but even a tiny bit of progress, moments of tiniest joy, hope, feeling safe - those things can be very powerful.

I don't know if it helps but I would not compare yourself to others. Others have different situations, it is not comparable and can be damaging. You are doing a lot and sometimes healing is not linear.

Some people fake their recovery and make it look like they are better than others. They often do it because of deep shame. Anyone who compares to them, feels like they are not doing good enough. I had situations where I felt bad for not recovering as fast as others, only to hear that they were ashamed to admit they were not recovering.

What really matters is your own path, that is unique. You have strength to overcome so much and that strength and drive is very important.

There are moments when it gets worse. I experienced it many times and felt like I was going backwards but turns out I wasn't. It is a part of the healing - healing happens, then we feel better. After a while, more comes up and more healing is needed so it feels like a step back but it isn't - it is deeper healing. Please don't be discouraged by that.

Sending my heartfelt support...you are so very brave......

[BrainIsFull in reply to Nathalie99]

I love this response! 😃

[BrainIsFull]

💚

I haven't been in your situation but I have had depression/anxiety /CPTSD since childhood stemming from a disfunctional relationship with my mother (and probably simple predisposition to mental health issues).

About 6 years ago (age 50)I had given up. I was barely living. Then I finally got adequate treatment (this will look different for everyone) and found my will to live and even have fun and enjoy life and see beauty! I never thought that would happen. I saw no chance after a fairly painful existence for muchkno of my life.

So I will say that it can most definitely get better and even GOOD! 😃

I know that I will always struggle off and on. More or less. But good things keep happening.

Please hang on. I know it feels impossible but you can experience joy again. 💚

[RoxyKind]

Jadedqueen, I can only say that some days get better. Some days are not better but after some time, at least for me, the good days out way the bad. You learn triggers. You cope better. For me, it became part of me. I changed and that is not a bad thing.

[redrabbitniner]

After my wife died, the best advice came from a crusty Vietnam Vet. He told me to embrace and seek change in my life, as a playbook to live again. I still try to do that now. It was very hard at times. It also really helped me to live again. I think it has been healing for me to coexist with my history and PTSD rather than hoping or wishing that it would go away. I have also learned to focus on each day, and learn presence in that day, as a way to survive. You can do it!!!