I have tried it all

Anyone ever just resign themselves to the fact that depression, ptsd, etc. will always be a part of their life? It is especially difficult when you were once a very happy person not that long ago....three years for me,.,..I have tried multiple therapists, religion, medication, etc. The past obviously cannot be changed so I guess it is all about acceptance. The sad part is that I had just retired when all of this occurred....I could never have imagined the rest of my days being like this. I used to bounce out of bed, walk for miles, look forward to the day, etc. Now I barely get out of med most days. Never ever could I have imagined being on an anti depressant, going to a psych, etc. I ever see myself returning to who I used to be so I guess I have to accept the ‘new me’...I define myself as functionally depressed. From the outside all looks perfect in my life and it is...money, family, etc....yet inwardly I am miserable.....trauma does this....no pill will fix that.

Thank you for hearing my rant....

[Nathalie99 Partner]

I hear you, Usedtobehappy.

Trauma does that and it changes us in the process. Sending support...

[Hidden in reply to Nathalie99]

Thank you....you have heard me rant before...I often wonder how much more I can do/take. One day at a time.....

[Nathalie99 Partner in reply to Hidden]

I started living one moment at a time during an overwhelming time and it got me through the worst of it.

I still need to process things and it's going to be a while but it's actually helpful to live in the moment and only focus on what's right in front of me.

Sometimes it helps but I'm using different strategies depending on what's needed and helpful at the moment as needs change.

Sending comforting thoughts...

[Hidden in reply to Nathalie99]

This is that much harder for me because I truly once was relatively ‘normal’...I am 62...Maybe If I grew up with trauma it would be like my norm....I don’t know,,.all I know is that I will forever need something to calm my brain in addition to therapy. My mom and grandmother went down this mental health road, different circumstances, but nonetheless they have suffered with the trial and errors of medication. never expected that I would 😥

[SavingGrace Administrator]

Hi there Usedtobehappy. When my depression and PTSD were starting to manifest, I drew a picture - you know, one of those trees that you draw for fun and friends analyse. Anyway, my tree was deep in red, orange and yellow roots, yet with a strong trunk, before the branches swung out and an overwhelming flood swept in. On the water's surface though, new heart-shaped leaves began to appear and then the moon, a final tear drop and then an eagle soaring towards the sun. I still don't know what the eagle represented, yet I took comfort throughout the last twenty-five or so years to know that there was hope. That perhaps my soul was trying to tell me it would be ok, yet it might be a long and tough journey.

Back to what you asked though - I did feel times where I wondered if there would ever be any light again for me 'at the end of the tunnel.' I really did. What kept me going was not strength but belief - not even self-belief entirely, yet a belief in something good that I knew was true. That belief had been laid down in my life, like the years of the healthy trunk, where I had learnt about life at school, or through travels and had experienced positive and amazing things. Somehow, I realised that there was a positive world to be lived and that I just had to hold out for it. That thought gave me faith and that then gave me courage and an inch of will to keep fighting to survive.

Have you tried art therapy before? Some of my drawings are all about hot rage and cool waters of depression. I was disillusioned when looking back to a drawing of flowers that were almost dead and not thriving; yet my clinical doctor pointed out that there were flowers growing...

I look back to where I was even two years ago, when I could not have imagined I would ever find joy again. Today, my sense of humour is what keeps me strong and directed. Learning to do self-care routines are how I came to cross the difficult times. Even simple, silly things like making me bed, or going to bed ritually by 10pm. I made structures that I could once again live by. Exercising and getting out into Nature allowed my inner self to reconnect and I learnt to trust myself through this process of getting outside on my own. It's freaking tough, yet the more you do it and the more you start to do it early on, the better you can become equipped to stay strong. I neglected to exercise or do hobbies because I found it - well, lacking meaning. However, I take all that back now and believe in the therapy and well-being that tending to one's self - body, soul aswell as mind - can be.

I truly wish you also strength and blessings and hope on your journey.

xx

[Survivor4Ever]

I agree with you and can relate to you in many ways. Acceptance is part of the process. We are not defined by it. The more we resist the more it takes power over us and therefore we can not move on and do things in our lives. If medication helps a little well it’s worth taking. It’s better than nothing at all. You have given me a great topic to write about today. I will post one now. I will research this and post shortly and put on my profile. I appreciate your willingness to open up and talk about how this affect your life today. Let’s see what I can find

[Survivor4Ever]

I posted this the other day not sure if it will help but I will share...... Ask yourself 3 questions

1. How do I feel? (Name the emotion, be specific)

2. What do I need? (Really ponder on this)

3. What can I do about it? ( Either you can or can’t )

It’s something that helps my low moods and anxiety and when I’m down. Sometimes I need to vent, talk to someone or journal, be by myself, get on a app like MindShift, read affirmations, play video games, or realize I can’t do anything about it and just go do something to distract myself.

Hope this helps