I don't. This world is for hyper-competitive people. It's for careerists. It's for the resumes and networks. It's not for people like me. It's not for the cooperative. It's not for the empathetic. It's not for me. I don't belong.
I don't want sympathy. I don't want people to tell me I'm wrong. I'm right. If you don't agree, leave me be. Please. Just don't.
I suppose in a way you're not wrong. I have only just come to that conclusion myself, but the big difference is I'm 55, I see you're only 31. If I were your age I would try harder to find a niche where I do fit in some way.
As it is I am trying out joining an online writing group and possibly hope to work online.
Have you looked into online work? I just feel youth is on your side, and I would think there are lots of possibilities out there for you to explore.
It doesn't matter. I've been through this before. I keep being told do this and do that. I try, or I can't access it. No one listens when I say that I don't have access, or that I keep failing. It's just try again. Why? Everyone has different life circumstances. Not everyone has the same privilege. Should a homeless man just get a job? Should a woman trapped in an abusive marriage just leave? We acknowledge someone in a wheel chair. Someone on chemo. But why is it that if it can't be seen, it must be my fault? I must be blamed. Why? I do my best I do what I can, but it's never enough. It's not my fault. It's not me. It's this shallow, filthy world. I do my best. I DO MY BEST!!!!
I totally agree with you there. We suffer because of other people. I'm just determined to fight back and prove them wrong.I saw an old post where you say that you shouldn't have to change to fit in with other people. You're so right. I'm hoping the writing group I'm joining might accept me cos some of them have issues too. As you say, that's my life.
I was only throwing out ideas, I didn't mean to offend you or invalidate you. You are obviously a strong-willed person and that can be a good thing. As you say, you're the only person. who knows you, again sorry
Hello rcn_artist. I wanted to respond to you because I totally get what you are saying. This world is not easy and it can feel as if we are isolated - so very much. I felt it growing up and to help reassure you, perhaps have only personally come to find peace with this issue as I get older. I am 43.
I grew up always rebelling against norms that tried to pin my down or pigeon-hole me. I personally disliked the patriarchy and lack of scope for creativity; but these days I wrestle with why people are not trusted for being who they are, rather than who others feel or think they should be.
The message I want to convey to you is that it is ok. It is so ok to feel differently; to feel as if we don’t fit. That is ok.
Life in itself does not ask us to be anything but ourselves.
Learning to live alongside others is perhaps more difficult. Society does have rules and they are, I realise ancient and well placed. Yet this does not mean that there is no room for manoeuvring and progression.
Learning to be the next generation is perhaps one of the greatest challenges of all. At leat that is what I have come to conclude.
We must encompass extraordinary differences in cultural circumstances, which by any fictional book would be difficult to write any narrative.
So ... please... don’t be alarmed.
I know from good personal experience that time will surely tell and even better... it comes up golden 🌟 As in Shakespeare’s story of love and life... the question is asked “how?” .....
and the answer is “I don’t know... it is a mystery.”
This is exactly how I now see the world- faced with extraordinary circumstances in my life that I can not explain or reason away, yet somehow, sometime, it can all come around ok.
Please post again, because it is so important to recognise this passage of your life. It is to move beyond being a human and to transcend to becoming a person (or should that be person to becoming a human!?!) .
It will be ok.
I moved away from difficult places and have found a life worth living now where I feel recognised and secure.
Sometimes we have to make choices and we can end up far away from where we once thought we would originally want to end up.
It’s truly lovely- it really is!!!
And so, another well known phrase for tips on living:
Life is a journey for exploring and learning about ourselves - and if you don’t like where you are at, then start making small changes so that you can begin to live YOUR life, that is self-curated.
That, my dear ... is perhaps (at age 43) what I would say that my own life has now just becoming about.
My regrets? Having fallen to falsehoods in my 20s that undermined my own life/journey. I have so much catching up to be where I once was before I started doubting MYSELF.
Blessings to you x and wishing you well xxx
Humans really are really compassionate and REAL ... we just need to learn maybe, perhaps to acknowledge ourselves better and be truer to our own inner light .
Love and light 💛
Ps. You are right. Competitiveness from our capitalist society can drive us unconsciously to be like thieves in the night. Yet WE don’t HAVE to be like this or, this way. We can carve our own GOOD destinies. It’s already begun and you are not alone, ever xxx
Hi there rcn_artist, I feel your frustration! You may be right that you don't belong THERE....but you DO belong! I too cannot stand the way of this world! It leaves me waning for authenticity, connectivity, and genuine relationships....everything seems to be so surfacey...(my adjective). When I first came to grips with how I feel about this I was angry...then I was able to take a look at who I am and who I want to be and what I like...guess what??? I LIKE being in a quiet restful place where things move slower and I don't have to feel like I'm in the meatgrinder of competitiveness....I literally downsized my world and I'm good with that. I discovered I love animals and gardening and I don't NEED to be competing with anyone or anything. I have a very small circle of friends because I weeded out the ones who are ingenuine or competitive...I am very selective of who I allow myself to be close to and I don't apologize for it. I live for peace and when I don't have it I create it! That has meant restructuring my physical address, friend circles, jobs, activities and more. But I am so much happier and content. I don't like feeling like I have to measure up to other people's expectations in order to "fit"...because I FIT now...just as I am...and the problem could have been I wasn't around the right pieces and they didn't fit me! There is a place for you! Obviously it isn't with the hyper competitive people....so I hope you are able to step back but be at peace while doing it and don't feel like you don't belong at all...just that you don't belong THERE with that type of people....i get it...
I believe that our uniqueness is what makes us all precious. I used to write and a lot was about finding our own unique path wherever that might be.
I am now half across the globe from where I was back then and I didn't see it would be possible.
Things are so interconnected and amazing at how they work out.
I felt like I was searching for something that wasn't obtainable or even defined. The best guess was that I will know it when I find it. This came from a dream, a very important one that changed me profoundly. It was the most beautiful dream and at that time it helped me in real life, changed the course of my life.
I believe in uniqueness of each of us and our experiences, our dreams, thoughts, ways we touch others lives etc.
I'm sorry, but I find this emotional invalidation and toxic positivity. Be the change? It doesn't work that way. You can't just wish it. You can't just do it. This world throw gates and obstacles at us, constantly. And we're all told to just do it. Just do it? Could I stop being mentally ill? Could I stop loving who I love? Could I just stop being abused and assaulted for being myself? No, no, no. It doesn't work that way.
I see your post is now hidden which means you have left the site. That is a shame but I hope you come back and see this.
I am not hyper competitive or careerist and never have been. My friends aren't either. Many people aren't you know and you are by no stretch of the imagination unique or even unusual.
We only have this life and this world and you can't except it to adapt to you. I see a lot of anger in your tone. Not saying there isn't good reason but we have our own reasons and our own pain and yours is no worse than anyone's else.
I feel like the only one being responsible.Complex PTSD i cant remember what happeneded after I rescued my sister from a suicide attempt?
How can i be so traumatized, ptsd is messing me hard, nightmares again 
I hate this, still triggered and suffering
How to deal with saying no to toxic family gatherings, advice welcome
