Stress Eating ( Trigger: Survival guilt)

[mcginnmx]

Ok here is what is going on my father died on Feb 2018. I have survivor guilt ( cousin: overdose, uncle:overdosed, father heart attack, second cousin: heart attack) Now my brother is suffering but it is at his own hands see he is about 40 and has kidney disease. He is shrugging this urniary failure as a cold. He is swelling up and has high blood pressure for weeks. I can’t tell him what to do he is an adult. My anixety is to the point that o want to get a teddy bear hug it or something I feel security. Unfortunately my security is also food. An it kinda worries me cause I need to loose weight but we have the super bowl and my birthday coming up. Someone help... I feel so conflicted my anixety is taking a huge toll on me.

[SavingGrace Administrator]

Dear mcginnmx. I am sorry to learn that you and your family have gone through such tough times. They sound incredulous. Yet sadly true; you must obviously be feeling a sense of fraught. I'm so so very deeply sorry for your loss.

What I want to say is that I can understand that your sense of overwhelming feeling now is for your brother's safety and that is really great. I have been reflecting on my own sibling love only this evening - and it means so much to know that there is such a person there for us, unconditionally.

I can't advise on food - though, I know that eating healthily is the best way forward [for a healthy mind above all - yet I'm not going to give any food lecture], but I can advocate I hope on giving tough love. I've had to try this approach many, may times and though it does not make me popular, I always feel and know that I've taken a course of action that I can live by...

Sometimes I question whether it is ok to play 'mother' or 'father' when we are yet a child, or sibling, or son, daughter, whatever. But I think truth is truth and needs sometimes to be spoken.

You don't need to feel bad about being a supportive brother, at all. That's what I think, anyway!!!!!

And as for the Super Bowl.. well, who on earth will win and I don't know, but try not to let it rule you when it comes to keeping to believing in what counts for you. If you can be there for your brother, I know that will count.

Sorry I am not a great help... to be honest, it's past my pumpkin hour and it's well past time for my sleep. But I could not leave your post unanswered.

[pam4him]

So sorry for your losses. While you can't tell your brother what to do, you can share your concerns with him. Maybe ask him to be your accountability partner and you can support each other. Consider setting up some healthier habits to work on and do them together. Your birthday can be celebrated with healthy foods just as well as with junk food. If someone is throwing a party, let them know what food you would prefer. Sometimes we have to advocate for ourselves. Lastly, I hear the Noom app is helpful to retrain your brain to make better choices. Might be worth checking into. Prayers for peace, strength, wisdom and health.