School Identical Contributions (Mental Abuse)

[michael_frye]

🧢I took people for granted as nice people, even in middle school after I skipped 4 classes and was promoted to the top class for my grades, most of my new classmates bullied me, and what suprised me was it is the same mental abuse that my family did to me.

Two boys stole a girl's item and framed me until I was called by the principal, and the principal interrogated me then knew I was framed just by looking at my innocent behaviour without even me spouting a word. And then, I was forced to make a meaningless oath to not steal. When I looked back after a few years, then I knew how foolish I was.

My class teacher representative also knew most of her students bullied me, and guess what her reaction was? She was just like my mother, she ignored me and focused on her favourite girls.

🎓In high school, right before exam, a prefect found my missing ruler which was important for the exam, then he threw it on the ground and broke it, treated it like a lost toy. When I retrieved it from him, I instantly became emotional and threw it away. Then, a peer prefect came into my class, gave me a scold in front of my classmates saying "You could kill someone when you threw that ruler". I replied, "It was a plastic ruler, no one's going to die by that". And then, he slapped me to put a shame of "winning" before he left. That slap was meant to tell my classmates that "prefect is always right", which was a so disgusting act in my eyes. What I reacted after that was sitting and holding my pain to not turn into tears, because people keep abusing my mental making me think I'm crazy when I'm innocent. The good part on that day was, I used my compass to replace that round ruler.

🕯I brought these 2 stories as reasons of why I always cry alone in my room when I was in high school. With these flashbacks, I don't care about the high school dramas that much, what I was wondering is when my family accidentally heard and saw me crying, they hated and ignored me, saying I was too annoying to them. When I saw their reactions, I didn't think they meant it, then I chose to forget about it.

My family never interrogates me because they are too busy with their imporant eldest and youngest children. They don't even ask me what I've gone through in my schools, my mental problems just seem not that important to them. Even if I tell them more than these 2 stories, I can guarantee you that they don't even look me in the eyes because... in the upcoming stories, it's more of a something.

🧸If you have a child and heard him/her crying in his/her room for years of schools, what safe way would you do to apporach him/her?

🩹If you meet a person who was neglected by his/her family in his/her entire teenage life, what advice would you give to make sure when the flashbacks haunt back, the person would survive his/her PTSD?

PS: I think these 2 questions is good enough to help me reconsider my dropout, I'm really leaning towards dropout right now...🎈

[Nathalie99 Partner]

Hi michael_frye,

I am really sad about the situation as it seems like you made the decision.

I know different things work for everyone but for me it was hope and belief that I will have a better future. I decided as a small child that I would do anything to get out of those situations of continuous abuse.

I managed to graduate uni, with a lot of changes because of starting work and a lot of other responsibilities. It was a miracle.

I think the idea of hope for recovery helped me through those times. I focused on what I wanted the most un the world and disregarded the circumstances that were bringing me down

I think having a very compassionate therapist would help.

Even though your parents don't give you the support you need, there are other people who can help you through the recovery.

Maybe taking a break instead of dropping out could give you time for inner work, self care, therapy...but I really don't know what is possible as there are other concerns like financial, finding a new place and that's a lot.

I've been through struggles at the time of my studies and it was really tough and I really feel for you.

[michael_frye in reply to Nathalie99]

I understood what you meant. I really don't like my decision when compared with all the effort that I've done to reach university. At this time, university just don't appeal in any way in my eyes anymore. I just see pain and vain in dealing with people at school because I realize that all these school lives are just me self-studying and helping my classmates. I don't think being an employee is ever going to make me happy. I can lose my employee job just in a day with my habits or talents.

This break is going to be the first break I ever going to have after these devastating school lives. I'm happy with my decision because I can fully detach all loads and burdens then fully focus on my self-recovery and my hobbies.

Thanks for your concern, I appreciate it. ⛄