I was sexually and emotionally abused between the ages of 5 and 11 by a 'Stepfather'...my Mother died when I was 14, at which point I met my real Father for the first time...he died less than 3 years later, when I turned 17...
When my Mother died, I went to live with my sister, who is 11 years older than me...but my brother-in-law always resented my presence, even though we were housed by a housing association on the basis that I had gone to live with them...once my real Father died, he started to abuse me psychologically and emotionally. It started with small things...throwing the contents of my waste paper basket over my bedroom floor, telling me to clear it up...taking meat from my plate when at a relative's house as a guest and putting it on my sister's plate (years later). He abused me on my doorstep, calling me by expletive names, saying I should be 'locked up'. Never throughout my growing up did he praise or encourage me for doing well at school or passing my driving test, etc, I just had to bear this treatment and carry on as if nothing was happening. I never reported any of this to my sister, and in fact, she witnessed some of it, saying nothing. Eight years ago, (I am now 50) I was excluded from Christmas celebrations by them and it opened a real can of worms. He finally achieved his aim of separating my sister and myself (which he previously stated was his intention)...I had to sell my home in my hometown and move elsewhere...I lost my identity, became suicidal, felt there was nowhere to turn for help...6 years later, I am gradually finding myself again, but feel I will never recover my full identity and reputation (they involved me with the police). I have been made to feel guilty, not having done anything wrong, but simply out of circumstances and the powerlessness that comes with not having a figure if authority stand up for you in an intolerable situation of large scale bullying and emotional abuse. The story is made worse by the fact that their daughter, my niece, now 36, whom I looked after and cared for, and loved as a child, said 7 years ago that she 'had no good memory of me'...and that I 'should get help'...cruel and cold in the extreme, just like her Father.
My sister's compliance with all of this is equally, and in some ways more, distressing...I keep wishing I could have my Mother back after all these years, as someone to confide in, who could love me unconditionally.
Thank you for reading my story. Do you have any comments that may help me? Thanks again.
Do I have PTSD
childhood trauma (TW SA)
Ptsd and death
Drugs and ptsd
