I’m Triggered

[Mickey6969]

Hello I’m new here. I was just diagnosed with PTSD in June. And I thought that with this CPT therapy I was making progress, but today I can’t figure out what’s triggering me to feel so useless. I had a tough time with a Patient I care for today. I had to ask for help from a senior colleague and I just felt so inadequate. For the most part my day was great but asking for help. It’s like everyone around you can see your mistakes and I feel like a useless worthless kid again who can’t do anything right.. I know it’s all in my head seeing as my coworkers are very supportive and everyone needs help sometimes right? For me for some reason it feels like everyone is judging my failures. Even though no one has said these things to me, it’s the first thing I assume they are thinking when I ask for help. I wish I didn’t care so much or feel this way. I wish I could remember what happened in n my life that made me think asking for help was weak??? Or something to be embarrassed or ashamed of??

[Midori]

Hi Mickey6969,

In a caring situation, it is Never weak to ask for help. Not doing so can be dangerous to both you and the Patient, Never be ashamed to ask if you are unsure or if your physical strength is insufficient to deal with a patient on your own. Your superiors are there to support you.

I know Covid is putting enormous stress on Medical staff and Carers right now, and I know you are all under stress trying to protect both yourselves and your patients, I've been there, I was a nurse before retiring, but never in such a situation when you are almost 'flying blind'.

I too am hard on myself, and also detest asking for help, but I know I need to so I do it.

Please remember, the first rule when treating or moving a patient. Check that it is safe to approach, that there are no dangers to YOU. If you don't, it puts you in danger and could ultimately injure you, leaving you unable to help the patient, and possibly becoming a secondary patient yourself.

It may well seem counter intuitive, but you did the Right thing in asking for help. The patient is the reason you are there. You would only be failing in your duty if you struggled by yourself, and either you or the patient came to harm by you doing so.

In the main, folk don't watch and judge you, because they are concerned with their own foibles and failings, also their own cares and worries.

It's time to grab that nagging little voice in your head by it's scrawny neck and tell it to Take A Hike! It's what I had to do with my own inner critic, and it does work, but you will need to be consistent, it can be hard, but you can reduce it to a whimpering shell of itself, as you gain in confidence again.

Cheers, Midori

[Beingindependent Volunteer]

I’m sorry you are experiencing so much today.

If you grew up in a household where people yelled at you a lot because you didn’t think the way they did and were supposed to be perfect all the time then sometimes this is what you may be experiencing.

So asking for help when you are supposed to know everything is the lie that the people growing up fed some of us.

There’s no such thing as a universal one size fits all

and it’s OK to ask for help because not every situation is the same.

Asking for help is a sign of strength and not weakness.

You are and have always been fine as is. I hope that helps.

[Nathalie99 Partner]

Hi Mickey6969,

Welcome to our community.

I can relate to a lot as I feel the same way about asking for help.

Working in a competitive environment where you feel your self worth is tied with how well you are able to manage on your own can make it hard to ask for help.

But in many situations, team work can actually make more sense.

Like Midori said, it is important to ask for help especially when working in a caring position as you need to take care of yourself, too.

I remember not wanting to ask any questions when new and figuring things out on my own because I didn't want to take the precious time from senior coworkers and also because I felt I would come across as "not smart enough" and I wanted to be independent.

It stems from my childhood.

Being independent and not needing help or advice is a coping mechanism to avoid vulnerability that comes with it.

Sometimes this can be taken as an opportunity for someone to try to take over and it is really sad that a few coworkers can spoil the trust. I hope you don't have this situation and it sounds like they are very supportive so you don't have any reasons for concern.

I've had coworkers who were opportunistic and they waited for years until I was at my most vulnerable to abuse me and destroy me (they targeted others, not just me). I did not let them but it left scars.

That makes me weary of showing any vulnerability.

Asking for help is a sign of strength not weakness. It is a courageous thing to face own vulnerability and trust another human being.

It takes time after trauma to build that trust and string sense of self.

Maybe the timing of your therapy session could have contributed to your triggers. It's quite common after therapy to be most vulnerable as this is the time the trauma gets processed.

I admire your strength for facing therapy and working in a caring profession.

I respect that.

I wrote a post years ago about the fear of failure, asking for help doesn't mean you are not strong and similar subjects. I will see if I can find them and link here:

Needing support doesn't mean you are not doing well

healthunlocked.com/healmypt...

Falling apart doesn't mean you are not strong

healthunlocked.com/healmypt...

I look for strength in vulnerability...