Anyone else whose parents won't take responsibility for their actions?

My parents neglected me. I brought it up to my dad today because I was feeling brave and he blamed me.

It made me sad. Not sure what to do really. I know it's his problem and I don't have to make bad decisions anymore so I can be happy.

I'm totally an adult now so I really want to move on with my life. I think I am close.

[Agara33]

I think that's all of us here. It's part of this whole story. Its hard to come to the place where you know they will never take responsibility and that that will always hurt. I try to steer clear of expecting the understanding I know I deserve from my mom, because i know it's a trap...no matter how i would approach it its like offering my hand to the crabs to pinch---thats the only result that will ever be....and i found a way of resolving the pain within myself. i'm sorry you also experience this trauma on top of the trauma, it's collective.

[Shy_Guy]

It is very sad that the understanding is unattainable.

I was very neglected as a kid. I had one parent go to her grave without any admission to responsibilities.

My other parent did take responsibility, but he had to sober up and go into therapy to admit it.

The sad thing is neither fix the sadness and hurt I had inside of me. It was my responsibility for that. It was a hard pill to swallow though.

I guess what helped over the years is understanding that my parents were abuse as well as kids. It does not excuse the behavior but the understanding was helpful to know.

The other thing was that I had kids myself and I found it was a very difficult job to be a parent. I found it incredibly difficult not to hurt my kid in the same way. I mostly did not but I have made mistakes too.

Neglect is very insidious. It is hard to nurture myself and be my best friend because of it. Other people have a strong self image that I lack.

The message I would like to convey is everyone has their challenges in life. You are not alone when it comes to neglect. We can prevail.

[SuZQ154]

You are brave! When I was 35, I realized my dad had neglected me, too.

A very wise counselor suggested I talk to him, but NOT about how he neglected me.

Instead, I was to own MY part.

Like yesterday, I remember the conversation with my dad! "Dad, I want to apologize for being a difficult teenager." His response, "I was hard on you" somehow lifted from me all these negative feelings I had pent up toward him for years! After that day, we had a good relationship! ( It took him until I was 54 to say ,"I love you", which was another memorable day!)

What I am saying to you is there is HOPE! Please keep posting!