I Want to Disappear *mentions suicidal feelings *

[BrainIsFull]

Hi. I am really so depressed right now. I know that many of you here arre as well. I seriously can't even function right now. I am lying in bed crying. That's my day. I dud not go for a walk. I can't do anything.

I suspect that my antidepressant is no longer working and that, combined with my fluctuating hormone levels has left me debilitated.

I started a new antidepressant today and I started HRT 5 days ago.

I really wish that I would just stop existing. I am not going to kill myself. But I see no reason to keep on living.

I am so tired of thinking that everyone hates me. I am tired of hating myself and I am tired of fighting so hard and ending up back in this same place.

[Nathalie99 Partner]

Some days are really horrible when just making it through takes so much energy. I am so sorry that you are struggling... it is understandable to not be in state to function but it is tough to have to explain that to family.

I think the hormones can make things unbearable and I wonder if there is any more medication that the doctor can offer to get you through the holidays?

I know sometimes it is simply impossible to function and to beat ourselves up because of being in this state is adding to already extremely distressing situation. I know it is really hard at this time but sometimes not expecting anymore of yourself when you are already over your limit, might ease the pressure...but I think it is really tough when other people are relying on us.

You are physically ill from the hormones and I hope that is easier to explain.

I know how it's like, fighting so hard... sending you a hug xx <3

[BrainIsFull in reply to Nathalie99]

Thank you, Nathalie. 💚

[BrainIsFull]

I am going to brag about myself. I got out if bed today and I even took a walk. It was really a feat! I am proud of myself.

[SavingGrace Administrator in reply to BrainIsFull]

really proud of you too !

[BrainIsFull in reply to SavingGrace]

Thank you! 🙂

[Nathalie99 Partner in reply to BrainIsFull]

I am so happy to hear that... I hope you enjoyed the walk. I know how tough it is and it is a big step. Sending my best wishes <3

[BrainIsFull in reply to Nathalie99]

Thanks, Nathalie🙂