How Do You Handle Interpersonal Conflict?

[JeanieX]

So, one of the most frustrating things for me about my PTSD is that when conflict arises my brain panics and takes over me. For example; the other day a roommate wanted to dry her clothes but mine were still in the dryer she said “maybe its time to use the drying rack” and it sent me into a tailspin, being told & verbally pressured to do something that makes me feel as though my needs are less important. It’s a very small conflict & I wish I could have said “I would really rather not use the drying rack, would you mind if I ran it in the dryer one more time?” or “when you suggest I do things but don’t ask me it makes me feel as though my needs are less important” but instead I just went into panic mode and got defensive and did anything I could to end the conversation as soon as possible – which typically means people pleasing in the moment & then being angry at the other person for crossing my boundary & myself for letting them. This person, and many of the people I have these small conflicts with are my friends and I’m just curious if anyone has similar experience with their body overriding their brain and how to cope with it / how to stay present / communicate my needs productively

[jackiesj]

I do this too...Im trying to act not react.Like a kind thing would be to go ahead if you have room set up the drying rack for her. do you have a room mate schedule?This gives you the power you need but not the headaches.If they miss thier time oh well....that goes for you too.It really helps.

[Nathalie99 Partner]

Hi JeanieX,

I feel that with PTSD it is harder to cope with any additional pressures and interpersonal conflicts might be triggering depending on a type of trauma you went through.

Things said by others can sometimes feel like a put down or like a demand.

I personally feel that from my experience, when I'm struggling, it's really hard to be flexible.

I think others might not understand the level of internal pressure and as a result my need to organize my environment in a particular way.

Perhaps one idea would be to just take a moment/ step back and come back to the convention later, explaining your needs.

Just having a moment of grounding can help especially if triggered.

I hope you can have a talk with your roommate and things will be okay.

[Midori]

Hi Jeanie,

It's a difficult one. Was her need important? I know its easy to forget other people's needs when you have PTSD. We all do it from time to time.

I understand about the tailspin; I get them too when too much happens at once. She could probably have asked better.

However, you could have just taken your stuff out of the dryer, and come back to it a little later; also using the drying rack cuts down the bills for the electricity.

Cheers, Midori