Overwhelmed

[mcginnmx]

Hi guys, before we get anywhere I have survival guilt let me sum it up ( cousin ocd, uncle killed himself after his son death, father died of a heart attack, second cousin died of heart attack, last generation died of old age, and died one I forgot all in one year 2018), plus a friend that died of a flu I had when I was 13 years old and had same thing. Now let’s get to the problem at hand my mothers friend son has died and it looks like he will go in a loop of my uncle. Now I know I can’t do anything cause my moms friend lives states away. Nor do I know anyone that knows him except my mom. I am feeling so overwhelmed... I mean I am literally numb. No crying, no remorse, and no sadness. Just seething anger right now. I don’t think this is normal. An now I am caring about everyone else but myself to cope and stress eating. ( the stress eating has lowered but I still have the cravings when things get way to much) How can I help myself by not always helping others?

[Nathalie99 Partner]

I'm really sorry you are struggling right now, mcginnmx.

It's understandable that the loss has brought your own losses and overwhelmed you.

You have developed your own coping ways as a result of the trauma and you are just trying to do your best. You have a lot of self awareness and insight...

I think in some ways trying to help the other person could be a way of finding some sense of control in a very chaotic situation and your eating could be a way of avoiding the emotions that are too much to bear.

Healing from a trauma isn't a straightforward way and at some point it may be possible, with therapy, to face and process some part of the trauma and feel the emotions in a safe way.

Normally PTSD develops when it's too much to cope and the nervous system gets completely overwhelmed and qs a protective mechanism it shuts down the emotions.

There are ways of slowly reconnecting with your inner self but it might be a very difficult work...

I've done very difficult work myself and I am still a work in progress but so far it has been really worth it.

It's important to have skilled therapist not to overwhelm you and just only take a small portion of a situation each session, with a lot of compassion.

Learning grounding techniques that work for you can help a lot with that process.

Guilt is a very difficult thing to process. I have survivors guilt myself and it's really hard and I would do anything to avoid feeling it...but there are moments when I need to acknowledge it and not fight it anymore but sit with it.

I wouldn't be able to do it without a process established with my therapist to (try to) not get overwhelmed when it comes back.

There are also helplines when you can talk to someone 24/7 if you need to talk to someone. Sometimes just being heard and validated can help a lot. My concern is that it's also very triggering to tell the story so it's probably better to not do that until you have strong enough grounding techniques.

I'm really sorry about your losses.....

Perhaps indirectly sending this person some helplines to call might help them in crisis. There are some national and state organizations that help in times of a crisis. They are anonymous and can be a life saving option...

That way you don't have to be directly involved but there are other organizations that can help this friend cope with their own survivor's guilt and loss.

Sending you a lot of support...

[Beingindependent Volunteer]

Well you’ve been through a lot. It’s difficult to see and experience what has happened to others.

I hope you have a journal and a place you can put this.

Glad you are sharing that’s very good for you.

It’s very out of control feeling when so many are dying and have died.

It’s such a helpless feeling,

Life is strange and weird and hard to figure out and comprehend.

All you can do is know that you can feel sad for others and concentrate on your own life and what you need.

I hope you can go for a walk or find a form of exercise that helps clear your mind or gives you some comfort.

I hope meditation prayer reading helps.

Sometimes You just have to stay in the meditation silence prayer of the moment in order to go through the feelings

take care

[Hidden]

Can you do both? Self care and care for others? I went to a naturopath last week and got some good advice for self care. The only thing that I heard I think would help for you is this fresh organic celery juice. I drink a pint in the morning. It is alive and really healthy. I'm new. I don't know the answers yet but I hope you get feeling better😉