It's going awful. I hate being so sensitive to PTSD triggers. How PTSD affects my ability to do anything, from basic self care, to hobbies, not to mention work. Never had that. I hate being unable to build self efficacy particular, at a level that even if I'm not depressed or anything, I can't find motivation to do ANYTHING for any reason because I deeply feel that it would be useless, it won't turn out good enough - and this will hurt - and it won't bring me anywhere anyway. I'm full of things I'd like to do, but completely incapacitated. I was starting to make progress, damn it, then BLAM! A trigger. And it doesn't seem to go away. Not being able to do things is affecting my self esteem, my mood and anxiety. I'm scared of the person I live with just because she doesn't understand me and says stuff that triggers me. And the more I am affected by PTSD, the more she doesn't understand and comments, and the worse I am triggered.
I'm terrified for no reason. I AM SCARED every minute of my day. I'm scared of her and I'm scared of doing things. And I don't have energy for anything else besides being scared and trying to feel safe. I have projects to go live elsewhere, but I'm too wrecked to put them into practice right now. I'd need help, but I can't count on any family member, and lockdown doesn't allow me to count on friends. Trying to give a chance to various family members reminded me why I have PTSD and how I learned to do everything all alone even if it means dying. Please stay away from me when I have problems, I don't need more.
I feel stuck. And the most powerful thing I feel I can do right now is having faith that I will be strong enough to operate some kind of miracle and get out of that situation alone IN SPITE of the available "support". And try to talk about it to random strangers (edit: I mean here on the forum) and see if some of the weight magically lifts, I don't know