I could never sleep at night

[Against_the_current]

I woke up at night with a panic attack. I can't live alone, I can't take care of my place and myself, but home mom's drinking and im a burden to her. And how will i get a job when i can't sleep a single night even when im tired as hell? I need someone. I need help. 10 years going from a psychologist to a psychologist. 6 years medication. 4 years ptsd because of dad. 24 years pain. Pain since mom conceived me. Which impacted me. I can tell you as a psychologist. "You must suck as a psychologist since you struggle". No, my studies only made it worse, we study diagnostics not therapy. I see how my parents' behaviour can mess me up

[Nathalie99 Partner]

I am sorry you can't sleep, ATC.I have been through similar.

Studying psychology can help understand things but there are a lot more resources out there, books from experts, memoirs. Lots of others who have similar experiences.

The lack of support and traumatic events in childhood, make things so much more difficult if not impossible at times.

My personal experience was that I needed to give my body the space to rest and get to some balance to be able to take steps again.

It is not giving up. It is temporarily accepting the situation. This restored energy that I was using up to fight.

After a while I was able to restart. I did it alone because family was unhelpful and sabotaging my plans.

I also used my own motivation from inside, not from the outside. This helped a lot.

I was very young and I couldn't see how I could make it. I did. It took time and was painful.

I looked for things that inspired me.

All this might not be helpful to you.

I wish you support, good people and something that helps you find what you really enjoy doing.

And lots of good sleep...

[Lindyloo53 Volunteer in reply to Nathalie99]

I’m very grateful you and nathalie both made it. PTSD is the pits when I wake with nightmares I continually tell myself the trauma is over this is my brain trying to catch up with that fact. That grinding anxiety reminds me my brains job is not yet complete.

[Nathalie99 Partner in reply to Lindyloo53]

It is still happening when going through something particularly stressful, Lindyloo. I do exactly the same - tell myself it was a nightmare to reassure myself but the fear afterwards is tough. Agree, it feels like the brain is trying to catch up. It takes a while to establish feelings of safety again.

I'm looking for anything that can help, that I can associate with feeling okay and safe in the moment. Some days it is really hard.

[Against_the_current in reply to Lindyloo53]

My brain is trying to digest it but keeps throwing it up

[Against_the_current in reply to Nathalie99]

Thank you. How do i do this? I'm alone, leaving myself do nothing but still my body is fighting

[peacefulandcalm Encourager]

how are you doing ATC? I am very sorry it is so much pain. I get it. I cry all the time....do you cry to get it out? are you at your place or your mom's?

just take the next moment....do what will help you feel a little better...

if you can sleep at your mom's, get sleep, most important. and eating a little, healthy food, drinking...self care.

all the other stuff can be put on hold until later....

just take care of most immediate needs....if acid reflux, I take over the counter med for it....have you tried ?

for sleep, there are a lot of natural products with melatonin, and other herbs for sleep, have you tried some? in the pharmacy or store....I take one of those and benedryl to sleep.

doesn't always work, but works many nights...

or a doc prescription can be if necessary, those are strong, I have tried one, really puts you to sleep all night

I hope you feel some better, hot bath, short walk, hug bunny?

I have learned from folks here, when overwhelmed in brain, slow down, just do basic self care until brain slows down and ptsd episode passes...

you are awesome, doing a great job in a ton of dysfunction ...reward yourself with small treats....

rest anytime you are too exhausted...

you are doing a great job with all of the dysfunction, do the simple self care things is what I do when things seem totally overwhelming, sending a gentle hug ...., I hope you have gotten a bit of sleep....xx

[Against_the_current in reply to peacefulandcalm]

Thank you for asking. I just need someone to ask me. I'm in a lot of pain. Mom will pick me up at Saturday to take me to grandma's for orthodox Easter and i will beg to go back home even though it would be 5 days max because i have class and because she triggers me. But i can't survive alone anymore. I'm all alone