What I’ve Lost and What I Have

[js_k]

I used to think back and felt like my childhood was very normal — full of happy memories. After a decade, I realized that my childhood was actually the most difficult part of my life up until this point (and I hope I don’t have more adversity beyond what I got back then).

I lost my childhood. A painful realization indeed. But specifically, I lost love and acceptance. I used to think love is earned like a trophy or an award.

In my adulthood, I have the ability to practice self-love and acceptance. Just like any mental illnesses, there’s always this idea of “I must do this...”, “I must do that...”, “I must think this way...”, etc. I didn’t realize I repeated the toxic idea of love to myself during my healing process until I learn meditation.

It’s so calming to just say something like, “oh okay, I notice my survival method showing up” without any sense of judgement. Just simply notice it. It’s very nice and calming to feel that I can always remind myself that I am simply a human being beyond my thoughts, emotions, PTSD, trauma, achievements and struggles — I’m just me. This idea is always accessible when I stopped and notice the thoughts in my head. It’s liberating.

So far, doing this have really makes my chest feel warm and my body less tensed up. I’m happy I am learning this right now and I want to share ❤️

[cclay]

I just recently began remembering my childhood which I now know I buried in my consciousness. A lot of the images aren't pretty. And I'm preparing to embark on a new chapter in my life which is stressing me out now, but won't once I get used to the new things, I hope.

I look forward to feeling as you do one day, and I intend to work to get there. Thank you for posting this. Reading the good stuff gives me hope.

[js_k in reply to cclay]

Navigating change can be challenging but also an opportunity to discover more about yourself, I guess. I wish you good luck on navigating the new chapter. I’m sorry about what you are currently dealing with. Do you have enough support with you to navigate change?

[Beingindependent Volunteer]

Thank you for what you just shared that was really expressive and helpful and help to me right now it’s true I do a lot of these should must have to and I don’t have to do that anymore It was very liberating what you just wrote thank you glad you’re learning so much and thank you for sharing with us

[js_k in reply to Beingindependent]

I’m happy that you are benefited from it much loveee