When true love comes into your life and then goes it can be so hard to let go. But what I am finding out (the hard way) is that when that love is lost, it forces us to confront areas we compromised ourselves or overstepped boundaries in order to make that relationship work.
As part of the healing I have been forced to look at myself and realise the mistakes I made. There were lots. I can never 'undo' them bit I can try to learn from them. Like were there triggers in relationships that made me angry? Why? Was it from childhood or was it something else? At present I am working through these and while at times truly frightening, makes me a big 40 year old bear of a man cry and makes me feel so alone in this world, it is worth it. This is like colonic irrigation from the soul - things that should have been addressed 20 years ago are being addressed now.
Also I am learning to like myself. I didn't, so how could anyone love me? Yet they did. If I can make myself a better person through this process I will be a good partner for someone one day.
Losing love is scary but can force a person to walk through that valley of pain that everyone should go through at least once in their life. It is scary, lonely, horrible and at times sickening but it is going to heal a wound that has been inside me for years. I am learning to like me and respect me and hopefully that will attract love and respect from others.
Happy new year to you all. This time of year is tough for people. I have found it tough but I am doing everything I can to move forward.
Love to you all.