I am approaching a surgery for which I need to move into my parents house for. My dad’s a liar, cheater, unhealthy and takes any chance alone with me he can get to project his wounds and criticize me. He shames me. He offers no real support.
My mom is foolish for staying with a person like this as long as she has. I can’t exactly rely on her for emotional or mental support because she’s getting older and her high blood pressure and personal issues make it so she can’t really help. I’ve been leaning on my siblings and feel like that’s all I have. I have gone through hell this year with health issues and major relationships ending. I don’t know how to get myself through. Thinking of suicide brings me peace because finally the hurt and struggle would stop. My insurance doesn’t cover me to go anywhere for help. I don’t know what to do
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DZRM
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I really feel for how much pain you endured lately and it feels like it's accumulating. Sometimes events add on top of each other making it really hard to deal with a lot at once and also not giving you any break where you can recover.
I understand and agree how support is essential and at critical times we don't always get it. It's really hard because your support system might not always know or be fully aware of just how much you are struggling.
Have you thought of talking to someone on the phone like, for example, calling the Samaritans or any other similar organization?
Sometimes the pressures we are facing might be so much that any additional support can help greatly.
HiDZRM and welcome to the community. It sounds rough for you now and in the recent past. This accumulated stress will be why you feel as you do. Do you have a trusted friend you could talk to about how you’re feeling? Also there are some crisis lines here that you can phone and talk to about how you feel. Perhaps there are some where you’re living.
With the surgery you will I guess be in hospital sometimes you can request to see a social worker while you are an inpatient.
I'm so sorry you are going through such a difficult time. Nathalie and Lindyloo had some good suggestions. Along with those, I would like to add something. I know you are feeling overwhelmed, for good reasons, now. Know that circumstances and painful feelings change. When things are bad it feels permanent but it isn't. Think of a past difficulty that you overcame and then you felt better. Hold on to that thought when you feel overwhelmed. I care.
Your not the only one who has been through this—-circumstances, very bad circumstances fall on people.—I had to live with my mother who is not mentally healthy for a year and a half when I was incredibly fragile and effected by her—I was traumatized by it but had to bight through until something came along and saved me...do you know exactly how long you need to be staying with them? Is there no possibility of staying with one of your siblings? It is really bad, enough to make you think terrible thoughts but if you know there is an end point then you can hang on to that. You should have all the support in the world while you are having health troubles, not this. Thinking of you
I hear you. Had no choice but to move back in w/ verbally and emotionally abusive Dad for a year when health and finances bottomed out. I'm very grateful that he took me in, and that he paid for a bunch of therapy, food, clothes, etc. I was basically bankrupt, too disabled to care for myself, and more mentally ill than I had ever been before. I don't know where I'd be if he hadn't stepped in. However, the trauma* of spending a year with him while extremely vulnerable did a fair amount of damage.
Luckily I was on codeine and low-dose benzos for much of it, which blunted it a bit. I also went and stayed with my Mum for a few days here and there (a different kind of f'd up relationship, but safer), and with my brother from time to time (would have been more, but 2 kids under 5 and fragile person is not the best combination).
You say your siblings have been there for you. Could you spend some of your time with one/each of them? If not, could they visit a lot?
If nothing else, you can pretend to be asleep a lot of the time, at least at first. Healing requires rest....
We're here to listen and support you.
*Example: "Just get up when the alarm goes off, shower, get dressed, and come to breakfast! It's not difficult, you're just lazy" said to a chronic pain patient who was relearning how to walk and was in the midst of a severe major depressive episode.
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Do I have PTSD
Complex PTSD i cant remember what happeneded after I rescued my sister from a suicide attempt?
need to start dealing and healing 
A Psychiatrist who spent all of 15 minutes told me in a dismissive way I do not have PTSD
