Just wish this hell would pass

[Micky14]

The panicky feelings have stopped I feel less anxious but I feel so diffrent in myself is that because I'm scared of going back to that crazy out of control person I was 2 years ago and because I know how bad it will get I won't allow it confused very confused

[Nathalie99 Partner]

PTSD can be hell sometimes...I am so sorry to hear that you are going through so much.

You mentioned something positive: that you are more calm now that you used to be. So I would hope that, since you are in a better state already for 2 years, that you are not going to go back to that worse state. My way of seeing what you describe is that you are no longer in that bad space you used to be and that you are going to continue feeling better...

[Hidden in reply to Nathalie99]

Keep working at it. It does get better with a lot of 2 steps forward, one back sort of thing.

[Micky14 in reply to Nathalie99]

I'm just so scared I'm not gonna make it though but I love my kids so much so I fight and fight

[Nathalie99 Partner in reply to Micky14]

I understand being scared...but often the anxiety tells us a lie and then it is useful to look at the situation and reassure yourself that it's just anxiety and not reality.

Anxiety often gives us all kinds of the worst case scenarios but so often it doesn't have to be like that.

Then what happens is we are afraid of the fear itself and that's how the cycle of fear gets worse.

I will try to Google for it, I had this explained in therapy and it might be useful in this situation.

[SavingGrace Administrator in reply to Nathalie99]

That's a wonderfully helpful explanation and bit of clarity on anxiety! Thank you xxxxx

[Micky14 in reply to SavingGrace]

Thank you x

[Nathalie99 Partner in reply to Micky14]

I have found this website:

psychology-solution.com/anx...

It explained a little bit the concept.

Another thing is that the more you fight the feeling of anxiety, the stronger it becomes. There is a good resource on this.

I have 2 sets of CDs from Claire Weeks: "Pass through panic" and "Freedom from nervous suffering". These are worth buying and they explain how to deal with the situation you describe.

Being there for your children is the most powerful motivation to get better and keep yourself strong.

[Micky14 in reply to Nathalie99]

Thank you x

[Micky14 in reply to Nathalie99]

I keep worrying about how I'm feeling instead of just letting it be but sometimes I can not be in control and it scares me

[Nathalie99 Partner in reply to Micky14]

That's exactly what Claire Weekes talks about...

It feels very scary but if you try to let it just be and not fight against it, then it will pass, and you should be okay. No matter how bad it feels now, it just passes on its own. Emotions come and go, it's natural. Just try to breathe deeply and slowly and focus on something nice you can see and it will pass....

Do you have any mindfulness techniques that you use? Something else to shift your focus on, in a positive way, so that you can be more in here & now, like painting or coloring books or anything like that.

[Micky14 in reply to Nathalie99]

Calm breathing I sit in the garden and count things I smell lavender oil when out x

[SavingGrace Administrator in reply to Micky14]

Hi Micky..

Up until recently, I was EXACTLY the same... worrying about how I was feeling instead of just letting it be...

and you are right to highlight the "control" factor.

I found that regular exercise, routine and some good old TLC helped keep me in shape and able to deal with the anxiety in the long-run.

I think part of this came through realising and being aware of how much I was worrying about how I was feeling....

then being able to talk to others about being worried - this was important - it helped get it all out and recognise and acknowledge my fears.... it helped ground me

and slowly, step by step, becoming stronger and finally, able to reframe and configure my life: recognising things that I could not change and those I could, but also just accepting that having PTSD was a serious and justified health condition.... so of course I was going to be worried..... but that this should not overwhelm me.

It is a long process, I value that.... and I am so glad for the peace that has come from this healing and recovery. I've also learnt to be a lot more convicted and recognising my own needs a great deal more.... I value that my emotions matter now....

Funny huh!

So my piece of wisdom is really to stick with the process... because if we look at it logically [and I neglected to mention that Logic was what I fell back on in order to 'Get through'].. then of course the brain and body are going to have a period of time whereby they are like a Libra balance: weighing up this and that: worrying about if it is right or not: trying to evaluate the significance of the episode..

Please, just be reassured, that as with every damn DAMN DAMN stage of recovery of PTSD, that this process has its place in helping you to readjust and cope.

All I can recommend, as Nathalie does, is to use this time to start focusing on all the really GOOD things that are accessible in your life; and continue to spend more time and effort into making those aspects of your life work...

I promise you: the benefits will pay off xxxx

[Micky14 in reply to SavingGrace]

Thank you so much it eases at night so it only comes on when stressed or overwhelmed so the more I keep my self calm and in the moment. I just know how bad I was two years ago. I was trying to go back to work but the stress of it all just hit me. So I must not ready. I also hate taking medication but it has calmed me down a lot. Anxiety is a bugger makes you think all sorts of things thank you for being so supportive x

[Micky14 in reply to SavingGrace]

I'm gonna keep trying thank you x

[SavingGrace Administrator]

Hang in there Micky.

I know it can feel like treading water, waiting for the pain to end or subside. That fear of falling under again is dire! It seems like a stage in the recovery process, as far as I can tell, personally...

Small steps. Be good to yourself and just be open to that awareness of difference you are feeling.... just observe it and let it go....

As we keep on adjusting and recovering, I think it is normal to feel 'displaced' ... parts of us left behind may be catching up, or parts of us held tightly locked, are now unlocked.....

Just keep breathing steadily and stick to simple, small things to remain centred... that's the advice I would offer.

I wish I could offer you more hope x Blessings x

[Micky14 in reply to SavingGrace]

Thank you x

[Lindyloo53 Volunteer]

Hi Micky, my therapist has assured me thoughts are only thoughts and cannot harm me unless I act on them. It's good that you don't want to go back to how you were two years ago and you don't have to. I so get the fear of that happening but even if you did you wouldn't go back to the same, for a start you are two years older than then and you have had insights about life you hadn't had then. Fear is a great immobiliser, don't be chained to it. Let it come and let it go.

[Hidden]

Hi Micky14 I was in that place where you were and I refuse to let the fear take me back there. When the anxiety takes over I do my breathing and try to listen to music I plug my earphones in and block out the world, if I can't do that I focus on plants or something of interest just to take my mind of it! If I'm at work I try and focus on a certain customer and look at the way they are dressed their hair and stuff anything just to calm down! The guys on here have been great with all the advice and if you feel anxious in the middle of the night come on here and rant someone will listen 😊🌻xxx

[Micky14 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you I tried so hard to consentrate on the kids but this overwhelming feeling hit then bamm it got me. I was with my mum who luckly knows when something's not right so she held my hand and talked to me though it I normally take something i can smell but I tried to be brave for my kids enjoy it x

[Hidden]

Your doing well just try and do deep breathing when it hits you, just remember you have conquered the fear in the past so you've done the hard part now you have to try and enjoy every day! Well done 🌻😊xx