Info please

[positiveandcalm]

Hi all,I haven't written in a long time or even had time to log in. But I do see the first few lines of posts on the daily digest-I know I'm not alone! I feel for all of you/us out there who continue to suffer for so long.......it sucks, its tough,It's really hard. At times it terrifying at other times JUST overwhelming! We need hugs love kindness compassion and hope!

My phsycologist is trying to get me to see a specialist phsyciatist who will look at my pain map from the view of an upregulated central nervous system. She says that this effect on the central nervous system could have started as a child living in terror.  And with a multi model approach of a team of phsycologist physiotherapist (and I think, dreaded medication)and other allied health professionals can help reduce my pain and physical disabilities. 

I am terrified! And yes triggered! Like she says discussing the upregulated nervous system has upregulated me! (Like most of us with PTSD I guess) she stresses though that by me it's not post my husband keeps it alive and active unfortunately but won't take any responsibility for his behaviour! (For those of you wondering why I'm still married? I have beautiful children grandchildren a nice shelter and food that I'd loose if I wasn't!) 

Until now I've spent more than 15 years trying to convince others and get medical help for my physical issues-I feel helpless and stupid for wasting all that time and money! But how can anyone say that living with half a cerubellum wouldn't give me these symptoms??? I'm so confused!Yet not convinced of her theory Either!

I know Michelle speaks of the effect of PTSD on the brain-is this the same concept? I don't know how to find any info on the internet that is spacific enough to me-I guess I don't have time or patience......

If anyone has any info reassurance help or ideas please let me know

Thank you

[aujoymyjoy]

I'm glad you came back to this site. Thank you for sharing. (((((((((Hug)))))))))))) to you in your long journey. (((((((((((Hug)))))))))))) for continuing the seemingly uphill battle to find answers. 

[positiveandcalm in reply to aujoymyjoy]

Thanx aujoymyjoy!

Hugs back. Is it only seemingly uphill? What do you mean?

Michelle can you direct me?

[PNIAuthor60 Major Contributor]

PositiveandCalm - I published an article on this subject if you would send me an email I am happy to send you a copy as the editor's article after my lead article explains the neurological impact of such terror. My email is [e-mail].

I am happy to share the resources that have helped me understand my neurological issues:

Healing Developmental Trauma (How Early Trauma Affects Self-Regulation, Self-Image and the Capacity for Relationship) by Laurence Heller, PhD and Aline LaPierre, PsyD

In An Unspoken Voice (How the Body Releases Trauma and Restores Goodness) by Peter A. Levine, PhD

The Brain That Changes Itself (Stories of Personal Triumph from the Frontiers of Brain Science) by Norman Doidge, M.D. I believe he also has a newer book but I am not sure of the title.

The Body Keeps the Score (Brain, Mind and Body in the Healing of Trauma) by Bessel van der Kolk, M.D. This author writes, "Our maps of the world are encoded in the emotional brain, and changing them means having to reorganize that part of the central nervous system, the subject of the treatment of this book. Attachment researchers have shown that our earliest caregivers shape the way our rapidly growing brain perceives reality, Change begins to happen when we learn to "own" our emotional brains."

Author and Grief Educator, Dr. Alan Wolfelt has written two new books on PTSD as Traumatic Grief. Check out his resources at CenterforLoss.com especially Reframing PTSD and The PTSD Solution.

PositiveandCalm, you are NOT stupid or helpless despite your feelings, you are doing your very best to understand what is going on within your body and I call that an investment in your self. I hope some of these resources will shed some light on your issues. We all find our own ways, each of us our own pilgrims, so to speak. Take a deep breath and be gentle with yourself. Thanks for courageously being transparent in your post.

[positiveandcalm in reply to PNIAuthor60]

Thanx for giving me -hope! I hope it's not a dead end like I'm so used to.....

[PNIAuthor60 Major Contributor in reply to positiveandcalm]

Coming to understand ourselves in whatever depth or dimension is never a dead end. When I started out, I was confused about everything. Take what you like from the information and leave the rest. I'm familiar with dead-ends myself but you and I are worth the effort it takes for us to invest in ourselves and our well being, in fact if we don't participate in our healing journey, we can be broadsided by so many opinions. Keep and open mind and heart positiveandcalm it is the ticket to brighter days!!

[syltownsend]

PNIAuthor60, thanks for your post. I was going to list most of those books but you beat me to it! Also a couple that I didn't know about and want to check out.

Positiveandcalm, thank you also. This is a long road you are starting on but believe me, so worth the effort to make your life better. Hope you will do something just for fun and to love yourself today and each day from here out. You deserve your own compassion. Psychotherapy and/or support groups/12-Step groups are very helpful for a lot of us. Helps not to feel so alone and terrified.

Good luck in your recovery, be gentle with yourself. I care. We all care and are here for you anytime.

[nessa3]

thanks for sharing