Narcissism, ego, and PTSD

[jamie2727]

This may be hard for some to believe. But part of my C-PTSD is the belief that I started having panic attacks because I was an egotistical, narcissist. I monitor every thought and emotion and if it is pleasurable then I immediately think that it is selfish and egotistical.

I know where this reaction comes from, but it was too complex to explain......

[BearTree]

I can relate to that, and I also have C-PTSD.  While every psychological screening tool I have ever used says I am very low in narcissism, when I feel good about myself for any reason (and the stronger the reason the worse it is),  it leads to thoughts that I am being egotistical.  Compounding that is the fact that because I have low self esteem problems from abuse, and I was very meek and compliant as a child, as an adult I have developed a very assertive, don't-mess-with-me and I-can-do-it-myself demeanor, making people think I am egotistical.

The only solution so far is for me to isolate myself from most people, recognize what is happening when I get down on myself for some accomplishment, and just keep going anyway.

[Hidden in reply to BearTree]

C-PTSD here, but it comes from the actions of narcissistic people.  Is the original poster really narcissistic or is control a part of survival?  Big difference.  People who suffered abuse often blame themselves and that is what is sounds like.

[jamie2727 in reply to Hidden]

Confused on what you wrote or are asking....Are you asking if I am a narcissist? Or do I have control issues?

[Hidden in reply to jamie2727]

Just suggesting that if you have c ptsd that you not blame yourself.  It is easy to do.

[jamie2727 in reply to Hidden]

Ok, thanks for clarification ILLhawk. I'll be honest on here, yes growing up I wanted to stand out, be different, be the best at something, and I was many times. And I carried that with me up until I got hit with CPSTD. So that is why part of my struggle now is that I am physically, mentally, spiritually frozen  as to  not entertain or let in anything that builds my self esteem or makes me feel good or safe.

Thanks for listening and your feedback.