I am

[peacefulandcalm]

sorry if I did not respond to anyone in a few posts a bit ago. Triggered becomes so hard to function except the basics. I am sure folks understand.

Authority. The huge trigger. Scary authority. Mean authority. The huge trigger. Or when you need something from authority. And especially when the authority is acting unconsciously, meanly, cruelly, 'abusively', unkindly, taking advantage of their position, and authority and not treating it with respect and others with respect like they should. Terrifying for me and I am pretty sure, it is a very common trigger for PTSD people, especially when it had its roots in childhood.

Trying to go through this experience, turning to friends, God, my mom. Keep faith. Keep fighting. Somehow stand up for myself and believe in myself, God, others, and stay positive, be assertive, get my needs met and be stable, ok, not scared out of my mind (literally! as happens with dissociation) I know people on here get it completely.

The core belief that we are not good enough. Or bad somehow. Or must be bad if people treated or treat us as bad. To change that core belief, the work it so hard and painful. Tired. I am going to get some coloring books again, for adults and I think this soothes the brain when triggered like knitting, but I was not good at knitting and it was hard, so prefer to try coloring again. As an indoor activity I can do when triggered.

[peacefulandcalm Encourager]

We have to do so much work now when it could have been easy if our parents, in a lot of cases, were more conscious and whatever, but it is not their fault in any way, they did a very good job with what they had to work with, even if they harmed the hell out of me, especially my father. I need to be strong now. Stand up for myself. The big challenge for me these days. Takes so much energy to make small changes.

And see progress and appreciate it when there is so 'far to go' still. But I must celebrate tiny successes. I heard that yesterday on tv, good message. Thank God for any 'small help' and changes for the better, and blessings.

Then turn brain off somehow, stop thinking so much. and relax somehow.

[peacefulandcalm Encourager in reply to peacefulandcalm]

It is not my father's fault, even if he is number one trigger for me. He loved and loves me and is doing and did the best he could and did a lot of good and harmed the hell out of me too. How do people deal with these opposite feelings, and the sadness of stuff, and healing and being there for self, and then even being there for aging parents? etc etc etc. Huge Issues I am working on.

Another post about therapist some other time. Need to talk about therapist, but not now.

[peacefulandcalm Encourager in reply to peacefulandcalm]

ok, I write a lot when scared and triggered.

I think it is more accurate to say "scared-- INTO-- our mind" not scared OUT of our mind. I think when we our thinking the scary thoughts, we feel scared. Once we can come back to the present, our senses, our breathing, we may feel relief from that what we may call an emotional flashback.

I am am triggered badly, and trying to breathe and come back the present and my breath and just being in the moment.