I have an

[peacefulandcalm]

appointment with an MD tomorrow and a psychiatrist on Wed. I am extremely triggered and have no one to prescribe ativan. I need a psychiatrist to do it since seems most MD's are not comfortable with it. I am terrified. Terrified I will not make it till Wed 2pm, will dissociate so badly cannot function, the don't know if the doctor will help me. Switching from last psychiatrist an hour and a half away, had for six years.

[Equis-Canine Volunteer]

It is very hard to switch doctors and I'm sorry about that. Take some deep slow calming breaths. Remember you need to be your own advocate so hold yourself together as best you can. Then give yourself permission to collapse after you meet with the doctors. I think the waiting before seeing doctors is always harder than actually meeting with them. So maybe you are experiencing the worst of it now too. I'll be sending you calming thoughts. You will get through this and maybe you will even have better support than you had before.

[peacefulandcalm Encourager in reply to Equis-Canine]

thank you equis-Canine. It is so stressful. And triggering. An experience. Any doctor, psychiatrist, and really authority figure that has something I need them for, their help.

Collapse, I did after. Still terror inside. More later. Dealing with terror over pharmacy who is acting like I am abusing ativan since I took a while to get new psychiatrist and had a couple months where I needed multiple doctors to fill in. In the pharmacy, no matter I had been FIVE YEARS with the same psychiatrist, same dose, consistent. They acted and are acting like I am a horrible bad person who cannot be trusted. Huge trigger. And even after I saw the psychiatrist two days ago, and he wrote a new prescription saying, ok for patient to fill today, since he knows I really need it for the dissoication, since I held it together for an hour and was very lucid, articulate and respectful in his office- excruciating, but had to do it.

Then even with his prescription saying ok to fill now, and an increase in dosage, pharmacists in stores have not done what doctor said on script. Unbelievable. Feels so horrible to be treated like I am doing something bad by the pharmacy like selling the drug, when all I did was take too long to find a new psychiatrist due to being ill and triggered all the time.

[peacefulandcalm Encourager in reply to peacefulandcalm]

pharmacy would not fill yesterday even with prescription by psychiatrist that said ok for patient to fill today, since I explained to him how the pharmacy was giving me a hugely difficult time since to them, they see a bunch of doctors in the last two months and different prescriptions, lost one whole bottle. This is how it is in the pharmacies these days with controlled substances. But has nothing to do with me, but it is triggering the hell out of me, to be scared I am trying to get my needs met in a healthy way, and authority who are blindly just repeating, the same thing. Treating people in a very disrespectful way for no reason. Denying me of what I am trying to do to NOT take many drugs and all I want is to get OFF them. They are acting horrible. It hurts like hell. They said yesterday, they would call the psychiatrist I met with and then fill it. Have yet to hear. Triggered beyond belief. Don't like to have to prove to people that I am a good person, and doing what it right and good. Why can't they just treat me like I am valuable, and a good person? It triggers me core issues.

[Nathalie99 Partner]

Do you have anyone that can go with you? Anyone you can ask...

[peacefulandcalm Encourager in reply to Nathalie99]

thank you Nathalie, I did get a ride with a good friend who has been good to me beyond belief. Long story, but got on well with the psychiatrist and he wrote my prescriptions for my Zoloft and ativan. And the pharmacy filled the Zoloft immediately and said they needed to call the doctor before filling the ativan. Since I took a while to get a new psychiatrist, due to being such a horrifically difficult triggering experience to get a new doctor, go through so much, so many triggers in changing doctors.

Man, it all hurts so much. So much terror, pain, terror, pain, rage, terror, rage, terror. Cycling through, fight or flight on nonstop until I get my needs met and feel safe. Fear of authority, being mean and cruel or not attending to my needs, or treating me like I am a horrible being who, in this case, is selling the drugs or something.

Then I have to fight and fight that core thought- maybe I am a 'bad' person. No, I am not. They are acting wrongly. I am a good person. God will see me through. Angels will help, friends. People know I am a good person. It is not me. It is them treating me badly, just reacting like people do to some new laws regarding controlled substances and when a patient does not have a permanent consistent doctor. So ridiculously difficult for me. The triggers feel so bad, like one cannot take it anymore.

Then I try to bring in light and God, and talk to friends and even my mom, now, as she has thank God, been changing over the years as I have, and she has been kinder, and more supportive, knock on wood. And the fight goes on inside.

Trying to believe in God, that I am a good person, in others, in love, when the world seems to kick you and hurt you and people do daily and try to make you feel like a horrible person ( or I don't think try, it is just they are unconscious and unaware and a bit on auto pilot, not thinking clearly themselves, use words that harm, and do behaviors that harm, when they don't mean to, when you are trying so hard to be good and do good and bring light and joy to people, keep the faith and light going inside, and stay connected to a good energy, positive, 'happy, hopeful channel' in the brain.

[Nathalie99 Partner in reply to peacefulandcalm]

I'm glad to hear that you have this behind you and someone was there with you. It's a lot of stress so the nervous system response is much stronger.

Feeling of personal safety is so very important in all situations.

You know yourself and that you are a good person. That's the most important. People are nasty sometimes but it's their energy.

I believe that if we protect our good energy then other people feel it and things happen which reinforce the good feeling. And it becomes eventually easier to overcome other people'snegative attitude.

Well done, major success, you made it!

[WiseOwl]

I had trouble with a PCP giving me Lorazapam. He did give it to me but I did have to demand it from him. I now get them from my Psychiatrist and it's even sticky with them because there are new laws that the Dr.'s have to follow related to the Benzodipiens (sp) and pain meds. Don't let that discourage you and don't take NO for an answer.

Best regards,

WO

[peacefulandcalm Encourager in reply to WiseOwl]

thank you Wise Owl. I love the name. Three owls visited me a while back and sat on my roof at night. And I thanked them for coming to offer me wisdom, as for some reason, I have it in my head that they are a symbol for that? Native American? not sure.

I am waiting with terror as the pharmacist said they would call the new psychiatrist who wrote the prescription that said ON IT ok to fill today, yesterday. They filled the Zoloft immediately no problem. But controlled substance, ativan, they have been giving me trouble instead of just filling it like the doctor ordered on the prescription. I know it has to do with laws and their worry, but it hurts and sets me off so badly, fight or flight, waiting for what I need and being afraid. And having to stand up for self and fight. Exhausting.

[WiseOwl in reply to peacefulandcalm]

I am wiser than my years, and I love owls so I thought it was a good fit. I feel your situation it is nerve racking. It sounds like your problem is with the pharmacy. My pharmacy fills my Klonopin as long as it's the time for them to be filled. I hope you get this settled. Breathe

[peacefulandcalm Encourager in reply to WiseOwl]

and love the photo.

[peacefulandcalm Encourager]

thank you Wise Owl. I got it filled, after much prayer, terror, and determination and friend's help. Still in fight or flight, more to talk about, but must rest for now.